No one wants to contract HIV. I am somewhat unsure how to post this, but thought it important to share my own experience. I will depend on our moderators to determine its appropriateness.
As a heterosexual female in what I believed to be an exclusive committed relationship, I would never have expected that J had been involved in 'risky sexual behavior". However, as I eventually discover, while trying to determine his sexual identity, a few years before meeting me, he had.
He did not tell me because he was afraid to out himself. Because of fear, he had not been tested.
There is a good chance that when you tell your SO/wife/partner that you want to become female, that her first reaction is going to be "Are you gay?" Maybe you are, maybe you have experimented along the way...and maybe you are not. However, one of her next logical thoughts (and they come in rapid succession!) will be "what if?" "Have you had sex with men?" and then, "have I been exposed to HIV and not known it?"
You know for yourself what your sexual behaviors have been. But if in doubt about your HIV status, if you have had ANY sexual contact male or female outside of your relationship with your SO, and for your OWN health and safety, protected sex or not...
When you come out. Be ready for this question. Get a test, have the results in hand to show her.
When J came out ...I couldn't get the test fast enough....and I had to wait for two weeks for a result. Where my mind went in that two weeks you can guess...fear, helplessness, anger, betrayal....and I live in a city and worked in a system where I saw the result of HIV/AIDS every day..... I have children...what would happen to them ....?
As a het female, in an exclusive, committed relationship, I thought I was safe .... I discovered that we can have a false sense of safety....
Be careful. Be honest. Get tested if you need to. Fortunately, there are medications now that can be helpful if you catch it....but get tested. Do that for your partner/significant other. Do that for yourself.
Thanks for listening,