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Hi Girls! Sorry, this is going to be a long one! But as I am an infrequent poster - please be patient. x Wow, I almost left you for good! Last Friday I almost "purged" my lovely Josiekat! I threw away my breast forms and hip pads; and then resolved to stop cross dressing forever. Of course - the next day Josiekat was back full force, and I was forcefully reminded that Josiekat IS me and always will be - throwing away her clothes and accouterments will just leave her with nothing to wear, and no feminine figure to wear them on! It was interesting to observe my internal dialogue over the weekend. The drive to purge, came from my sense of Josiekat increasingly dominating my attention, and getting in the way of my other interests and responsibilities. However, I realised that this is mostly due to the sexual aspect of crossdressing - and once I have (please forgive my crudeness) relieved myself my male self feels ashamed (unbelievable - get over your male-self!) Unfortunately, I only really have sexual feelings when I am Josie, and its very difficult to separate the drive to express my femininity from those feelings. I'm sure many of you will tell me to "come out of the closet" and stop lying to the people around me! Which I do understand - I generally think dishonesty is a bad thing - but I am just not ready for that yet. I have barely come to terms with my feminine persona myself, and I'm far from taking that step (my bad!) Ladies - I'm not really asking for advice/solutions (although feel free if you want to) rather I'm just processing the issues my near-purge has raised for me; and am curious about your own relationship with you femme selves. Love you girls! Jk >'.'< x