I remembered questioning my relationship with J. I am a hetero cisgender female, sharing my story with TG Guide members, and hope that you might find some support in your own situation from my post.
Partner to J, a man who transitioned M2F,I found his coming out and then his transition caused me to question my own sexual preference. I struggled with societal views and judgments, and wondered how I would be perceived in the relationship if I stayed. I wondered what our sexual relationship would be like on the other side of J's transition M2F.
If you are a heterosexual cisgender male, and "she" becomes "he" (F2M) your sex life will change. You may find yourself in a a homosexual/gay sexual relationship. Do you wonder, if you stay, and you still find pleasure and satisfaction in your relationship with your partner that it means you are a homosexual, gay, or, bisexual? In my own situation, I wondered, will that mean I am a lesbian? After much thought and angst, I concluded, maybe, I am simply, "bicapable".
"Bicapable" is a term I coined to describe the relationship between an SO and "A PARTICULAR person (husband/wife/partner) who transitions M2F or F2M. THIS partner whom you have established a sexual relationship with as a "he or, as a she", and with whom you have a "HISTORY". I believe it is possible to have a gratifying sexual intimate relationship to each others mutual satisfaction, after "he transitions to female, or, she transitions to male" because you know and understand each others emotional and physical needs. At the same time, you know in yourself, that in any other circumstance, presented with a homosexual/gay sexual encounter or relationship, that you would have no sexual interest. This is what I mean by "bicapable".
So many variables make up one's own ability to enjoy being with another person in an intimate way.
It is no one's business but that of the two of you with regard to how you express your sexual nature when together. In any relationship, it is the couple that defines what that is. Self-exploration, curiosity, and experimentation can go a long way to contributing to personal growth. And, I believe a relationship can grow and flourish if done with mutual respect, self-awareness, consent, and care for another person.
My suggestion is to talk to your partner about your needs, likes, dislikes, fears, and to be honest, and sensitive to your partners needs as well. You might be surprised at what you discover about yourself, and your partner. Could you discover you are a gay? Maybe. But you may come to realize that by nature, you are not gay, but with THIS person, in THIS relationship, you are bicapable. Thoughts?