Going Public in the Daylight

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Posted

ABOUT BEING TRANSGENDER IN PUBLIC AND RESPECT OF OTHERS.

I have been full time amie in public in various conditions now.

I had a very good experience over-all walking in a shopping area in Madison, WI.

As I walked through the mall I sensed that most people going about there busy lives and not paying attention to who was around them . Those who specifically looked at me did seem to take a second look. However no one said anything to me and I did not feel threatened in any way.

If I could summarize all of my latest thougths about the last week presenting as a female in public. I would say that it was exciting and satisfactory.

I am not ashamed to be transgender. Being confident and honest about the person I am has helped me tremendously to face the world and my femininity. I am not yet on hormones but my positive experience in the general public gave me hope that I could go to be just as successful as Amie and meet plenty of friends along the way. I realized the more confident I felt about myself the more I went on about doing my own business. Being nervous has a lot to do with the fear of the unknown. As I gradually went into different stores I naturally found myself in new situations where I had to remind myself that I did indeed look feminine and most people will have no idea what I am going through in my mind and I left some people guessing. I mostly kept to myself although when I had to speak I did, in the best feminine voice possible. I found most clerks eager to help and I feel that I was treated as well as everyone else if not even better sometimes.

The reality of this experience is that in order to be confident I needed to know I was presenting my best feminine self. Being conscious that people tend to treat good looking and well dressed people differently, I really am trying to portray a clean, common but beautiful nature about myself that says "I really care about who I am and I am happy to shop in your store". All transgender people represent another unique market for the shopping world. Any business owner should be happy to make extra sales from us and treat us well enough to come back.

The most uncomfortable feeling I have is around men. If I never interact with them that would be just fine with me. But I guess getting along with men as Amie is probably one of my greatest challenges. Gradually I hope to learn to be more comfortable with the male salespeople although I would prefer someone with a sensitive personality over someone more macho.

I have not gone into a tavern yet and I sense that it is probably easier to get rude comments in a tavern because of the people who have had too much to drink and are to free with their thoughts and get carried away.

I think walking the mall was a great way to boost my confidence. The mall was monitored by security, most people behave themselves and there are plenty of fun places to shop all together so that you don't have to waste time driving all around town. I have met certain salespeople who have been extra helpful and I am hoping to make a list for myself of those people who treated me the best and I will do most of my shopping there.

My thoughts throughout this experience were the following. Even though a person may disagree with a person's philosophy, or feel uncomfortable about their looks, or not like their mannerisms, or style of clothing, tolerance of another persons right to share world experience in their own way allows for peace and harmony. People may have thoughts of prejudice but when they don't vocalize disgust and keep their hurtful comments to themselves, they are respecting the differences of another person and I intern respect their right to not like me.

I have kept my inner self hidden for years because I was afraid of what people think. I am starting my life fresh with new ideas and a new circle of friends. I used to think it was important to have everyone like me. Now I am being more selective of who I want as my friends and those true friends are the ones who will like me for who I am and not who they want me to be.

The greatest lesson I am learning through this experience, is the importance of knowing what I want out of life and who I am as a person. Everything else is secondary because I cannot begin to live if I do not first love and take care of myself. Once I am healthy psychologically as well as physically I am more able to reach out and care for other people in need and offer them the support that I never had because I was too afraid early on in my life to ask.

Amie

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Posted

Very good. Amie! You have a come a long way in what seems like such a short time. I am cheering for you!

Bonnie

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Posted

Thanks for sharing your experience Amie, it was very inspiring. :)

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Posted

Amie it is nice to read about your experiences , it gives me a bit more courage as I am on hormones and slowly creeping out of the door. I have gone out several times but never at home , I am planning to soon however.Thanks for sharing.

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Posted

Thank you for sharing, Amie. On the whole I enjoyed my shopping trips and strolls around town in daylight. There were a few misplaced homophobic jibes, but usually people are too busy to notice, or if they do notice, care. I find teenage girls most terrifying, as they *always* notice and pass comment.

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LOL, yeah tweans are a bit of " lets make a " when it comes to any thing or anyone out of the ordinary , My favorites are the older gentlemen with there OH yeah eyes , and then when Granny smacks them ... So funny .

I usually just get the guy who wants a closer look and the friendly comversation , and alot of flirting ... especially down in the southern regions of the west , OH MY GOD , do the latinos love to see me coming , I just left Nogalas AZ and had three guys strike up conversations and flirtting , and a few with the puppy dog eyes , and one well we are going to see where that one leads the next time I'm in the area ... I know I have the date but what all is going to emerge is yet to be seen ,( lots of talk on his part LOL ) I thinks alot more talking and a few drinks before this girl is going to swing for first base ...

Hee hee , oh to be young again , ah what am I saying I am young enough LOL

Hugs

Stephani

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Posted

Amie, I've never ever been that far North . Meanwhile , I met a Madison transplant yesterday at Church. On the subject of going out in public and being dressed , simple , BE REALISTIC!!!!!!!!!

Rule #1 Dress approperately and look yer age hon.

Rule #2 watch that posture and sit lady like

Rule # 3 on speaking , keep arms close , keep eye contact AT ALL TIMES

Unofficial rule # 4, uh try going to Gay or at least Gay friendly bars and resturants until you have mastered rules 1-3

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Posted

Good advice Ms. Tbirdgal!! :D Refreshing to read!! ;)

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Plauge , unlike too many of my brothers an sisters , I have no problems with the Crossdressers . Too many times we are constantly putting each other down over or "RUNG " on the Gender Rainbow . I see the Post ops dissappearing into the wood work and unwilling to help those just starting out. I see those pre-ops that won't come to help out the Crossdressers as it "Demeans them ". OH BOO- Hoo......

Dammit , stop the silliness , share what you're good at ! We're all here to support one another !

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Posted

Aime, What a wonderful post!!

I totally connected with what you said I started at the mall as well LOL , then moved on to the supermarket and drugstore eventually I made it to the hair and nail salon,the beach, retausrants and bars and yep Gay bars and restaurants are good places for sure!!

you are right 100% it's all about confidence,self esteem and at firs following the 3 rules tbirdgal posted

About tween girls ..... just ignore them

About men ...... the more you interact with them the more comfortable you'll be/become around them

you would be surprised how they/some can be quite sweet and helpful when you least expected

Like you said it's ALL about confidence,self esteem and honesty

I'm proud of you

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Posted

In my case, I credit the gender/sex binary as much as anything. In the American Bible Belt, I've only had to do just enough to be accepted as a woman. Today, in TN, I didn't even need to shave or wear my padded bra, it's so ingrained that a purse, and perhaps visibly erect nipples, means _woman_ I've been "Ma'am"ed all day.

Although the above gives critics the chance to say I should continue presenting Dana instead of pretending to be him, I feel I have to do things this way for now. 1) It's the first week of a new, hopefully permanent, job. 2) I got the job as him, not me, because he's got the resume. 3) I couldn't pack my wardrobe. I'm entirely constrained to drab tops/shirts and slacks and shoes. This is a rural community. I meet blue-jean wearing CAD designers and engineers, much less their managers, every day.

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Posted

Aime, What a wonderful post!!

I totally connected with what you said I started at the mall as well LOL , then moved on to the supermarket and drugstore eventually I made it to the hair and nail salon,the beach, retausrants and bars and yep Gay bars and restaurants are good places for sure!!

you are right 100% it's all about confidence,self esteem and at firs following the 3 rules tbirdgal posted

About tween girls ..... just ignore them

About men ...... the more you interact with them the more comfortable you'll be/become around them

you would be surprised how they/some can be quite sweet and helpful when you least expected

Like you said it's ALL about confidence,self esteem and honesty

I'm proud of you

Same here, started at the mall, then went to the Dollar General type stores. Everyone including the teens seem not to notice or anything, its the 40ish (my age) women that seem to look just a bit longer than others. Well a few men do too but I think it is just the man thing to look at women. I never heard any comment yet.

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Posted

Hello Amie ,

In many ways you are a bit of a hero to me. As I have become more accepting of my own feelings I have been out in public in the last few weeks doing nothing out of the ordinary most of the time wearing mens or unisex clothing . (Sometimes I do wear womens jeans and beach t's and sometimes panties - really a lot of what I have is mens/unisex / small size items or boys wear). Anyway, three times in one day before I said a word I was called ma'am and a lady . I was not trying to hide anything as I was wearing a ski jacket and a running cap and as soon as I spoke I corrected the person . This did give me a chance to ask them why I was first coded as a woman . The first person, gatekeeper , told me it was my profile and hair . The second person, store clerk , said from when she saw me from behind it was my jacket, hair and jeans. The third person , waitress , said it was my glasses, hair and face and she said she almost never mis-IDs. Even when I told her I was a man she almost acted like she could not see it. Amazing ! Now when I go out unless I want to be coded a woman I make sure I use my male voice before they say ma'am to me.

There have been several occasions when I have purposely gone out dressed as a woman - running and hiking and driving through a drive through or convenient store - I actually think I am a natural because I seem to blend in better as a woman if I don't try to do anything special but if I think about dressing I start to feel ackward - I am most nervous about saying anything as my male voice is my weakness

I hope you continue to do well and maybe at some point in the future we can meet as I have been in the USA travelling quite a bit as of late.

Best wishes - Dawn

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Today, my wife and I went shopping for shoes. She didn't get anything but I purchased a pair of white heels and purse . The saleslady treated me like any other customer. We are known by the owner of a restaurant we hang out at. Whenever we're together people call us 'ladies.' When you're comfortable in your own skin people tend to pick up on it.

:)

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Posted

the only bad part of passing in public is that you get so just treated like anyone else and falls into the crowd. I been public and its rarely someone tries to start a discussion with me .

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It depends on what one is looking for. Most just want to be able to pass and stay under the radar. They don't want to be seen as trans and they are not looking to be hit on. If you are going clubbing then that is a different matter and then you have to pick the clubs you go to carefully. If you are totally passable and attractive then you have another issue, at what point do you tell the person hitting on you that you are trans. The reaction can be quite varied.

Bonnie

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Hi, I've been ballroom dancing as a woman for quite a while. Men at those dances are mostly interested in dancing and not pickups. It was scary when I first started, but it was a great way to get used to men. Most dances start with a lesson, quite a non-threatening way to interact with guys. And the girls get to ask the guys to dance!

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