15 replies to this topic

[stephani]

Quote " I try to tell him I love him and I don't want to hurt him but this seems to make it worse. I don't know what to say except to be as honest as I can be considering my own confusion (which is rapidly diminishing as he has expressed little regard for me at this point) and guilt over my desire to find a new relationship where I can feel happy again. If you love someone, you put their happiness before your own. But perhaps this kills you inside until you are no longer capable of love and inevitably poison the relationship you have with the person you love. This is the hardest thing I've had to endure thus far in my life and I feel I may have made a terrible mistake. I'm half-expecting a call from the police to identify the body. I'm considering prayer, which is just frickin bizarre since I've always been a diehard atheist."

Oh course it feels worse , He had a Life Planned out and it involved Your turning Gay , You can no more be Gay then he could have remained A Female . ( Dont beat your self up over this , just try to remain supportive and motivate both you and him in the direction of Friendship or Best Buddies ) it's going to be a rocky road dont get me wrong , he's still dealing with Transitional difficulties and You OMG You are dealing with the Loss of Your Wife , Your Best Friend and Confidant , the name of the game now is pick up sticks , what can you both regain out of the transiton .... Your Friendship , and Confidence in each other is what I have found . Both of you need to be supportive and understanding , it does sound a bit one sided , but while transitioning we find a need to become a bit selfish , for our own needs rather then those of others ,( unfortunate side effect of transition , the need to finally take care of us and not those we still love .) It's an up hill battle as you know all to well , for you and him , but together as friends you can climb Everest and set on the top and have a cigar together and talk about how in the Hell are you going to top this .

Bluetoon , I hope your still around , I truelly Do , Your Deep Love for Him Has shined through every post you have made thus far , Yes The reaccuring them Being Your Loss of The Marriage , Yes this Happens All to Often this happens , The hardest part of transition is Not so much for Us But those We shared our lives with , This portion is Over when We start To Tranition , It can't Be regained again as it was , Yes it will simply take on another form if the two of you stay together , Making You and even more Admirable Spouce or Significant Other if you want , To an individual who came to a point that the Giving had to end and the Taking had to Start , Those of us who transition faught a life time worth of battles within our selves simply attempting to hold this Phascad together ,But as you have all to well became aware it was really never ment to be , and we could no longer live this was , I so Applaud You for the Time You gave trying to hold the Marrage together , Though deep down You really knew no matter what It was truelly over Three years ago at transitions onset .

We do Try to maintain the life we had as do you but neither one truelly can , there will always be a little part of one or the other or both parties that simply becomes Drained Emotionally with this Phascad , Trying to keep up appearances for Friends, Family , Work , Society in General . You have to Be some What Bi-sexual in order for this senario to maintain , But like you stated You Are A Hetero Male ... No Fault of Your own It is who you are , and it's a comendable thing you have undertaken,

I am A Lesbian By Nature a Transsexual By Birth and A Transwoman By Medical terms , All this rolled up and My Spouce Is Just A Great and Loving Hetero Woman , No fault by her either , I and She agree That in No way is it acceptable for either one of us to attempt to carry on a relationship that Neither would truelly Feel The true Love We Need to Survive within , So though We have not Had Sexual Relations in A OMG Long time , We Have a Greater Connection , 19 years of marriage and 19 Years together as Best Friends , And a Life to become even Better Friends ( in my Oppinion is hard to believe because I know her and she knows me and we think out for the other ), the issue is that He still loves you as well but to let go would be to admit to him self that the old life you shared truelly is over , and a great emptiness will fill his heart , I know it has yours Just by reading your posts , I am supportive and even try to Fix my Now Best freind up on dates , I want her to be happy again , I need it as a Woman , I want her to be a part of my life and this is our way of making this happen , Yes she is a jellous Friend and doesn't like me seeing other Girls but She supports me as well . I hope you two can find this middle ground , were your still together simply not in a relationship tied by vows and a ring .

Hell teach him how to snag a Chick , or a dude if that is his thing , DONT BE JELLOUS , this is the Most Important thing , Your Marriage sounds to me to be Over But Your Friendship Is still entact , if you dont believe me look at your other male relationships and find the corrolations between the two , I am going to say Not to far off ....

HE'S affraid of totally starting over on his own , you don't appear to be so affraid of the notion by the sounds of things , so Help him , Be his Wingman .... Stop looking at him as your "Wife once was" , and look at him as Your Newest best friend , who truelly knows just how you stack up in the locker room ...LOL sorry , LOL

If you want to talk PM me , I want to help as best I can , I still remember what a Dude is like and Your No exception Big Guy ...
Men are just as insecure as us woman you just keep it inside so we think your a big ole tough guy . I know better and so do you.

All my Best for Your GUYS .. Man oh Man You ARE such a special guy , You need a Date BTW ..... :0)