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Told to stop acting like a girl at work...

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Posted

I just want to share a funny but perhaps somewhat serious experience. At work last week (nursing home) the "state" was there. A state official inspection, in other words. Anyway I was setting waiting for restorative dining filing my fingernails.Most of my life I have bitten them, but after taking a nurse aide position I pretty much quit, but the are real brittle and break off easily so I try to keep them filed before they do so. I was told by a female coworker (all my coworkers are females) to stop acting like a girl (reference filing my fingernails like a girl) and that I needed to go make sure the others had the books signed and that they were up to date in case an inspector looked at them, what our supervisor requested for me to do. I am wondering if they are more and more noticing things. Have any others been outed or suspicioned because of thier innocent behaviours? I think they may have noticed other things also. :) Amanda

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Posted

"I just want to share a funny but perhaps somewhat serious experience." --Amanda

I know you wanted some of the other ladies to relate similar experiences if they've had them, so I don't want to put a damper on what was obviously a good feeling experience for you, but this could be a slippery slope...and I wanted to respond to the latter part of your statement above.

If you were not carrying out a task as you had been previously directed to do, the "off-handed comment" could possibly be blown off by supervisors if you were of a mind to make a complaint. In this world we live in now, girls (and some women too) seem to think that simply being female affords them some sort of entitlement not afforded male employees, excusing them from tasks or allowing them to dictate when they will or won't do what they've been assigned. The co-worker may have called herself being funny in comparing you to these types of girls - actual sex/gender notwithstanding - reminding you that you had something to do. Pretty much like in all male settings where a guy will address the group, "listen up, ladies!"

If you were of a mind to file a complaint, they could possibly get away with what was probably intended as a derrogatory comment in reference to how the co-worker perceives your sexual orientation and/or gender identity. It would all depend on the policies of your workplace. Again...this is just an example of what could happen if you had felt you needed to file a complaint - which from the sounds of your post, you are not, because you [apparently] received the comment in a positive light, enjoying the experience of being spoken to as one would speak to a woman.

Bottom line however, no matter what your co-workers are noticing or not noticing, unless you know for sure that they are not expressing some veiled form of intolerance and actually view you as another one of the women, I would not allow this to be a sign that they accept you as a woman, or at the very least accept your feminine expression.

If there is no indication that the general feeling among your co-workers is that you are "just another one of the woman," you should perhaps not allow these experiences to cloud your vision, enabling them to become bolder in how they treat you, or communicate with you.

All that being said... I hope that your co-worker was simply treating you as she would another woman. But unless she knows that you are trans, I find it difficult to believe she was being anything other than a smart @$$.

-Michael

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Posted

They probably have, Amanda. Mannerisms can be a give away just as much

as an article of clothing.

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Posted

"I just want to share a funny but perhaps somewhat serious experience." --Amanda

I know you wanted some of the other ladies to relate similar experiences if they've had them, so I don't want to put a damper on what was obviously a good feeling experience for you, but this could be a slippery slope...and I wanted to respond to the latter part of your statement above.

If you were not carrying out a task as you had been previously directed to do, the "off-handed comment" could possibly be blown off by supervisors if you were of a mind to make a complaint. In this world we live in now, girls (and some women too) seem to think that simply being female affords them some sort of entitlement not afforded male employees, excusing them from tasks or allowing them to dictate when they will or won't do what they've been assigned. The co-worker may have called herself being funny in comparing you to these types of girls - actual sex/gender notwithstanding - reminding you that you had something to do. Pretty much like in all male settings where a guy will address the group, "listen up, ladies!"

If you were of a mind to file a complaint, they could possibly get away with what was probably intended as a derrogatory comment in reference to how the co-worker perceives your sexual orientation and/or gender identity. It would all depend on the policies of your workplace. Again...this is just an example of what could happen if you had felt you needed to file a complaint - which from the sounds of your post, you are not, because you [apparently] received the comment in a positive light, enjoying the experience of being spoken to as one would speak to a woman.

Bottom line however, no matter what your co-workers are noticing or not noticing, unless you know for sure that they are not expressing some veiled form of intolerance and actually view you as another one of the women, I would not allow this to be a sign that they accept you as a woman, or at the very least accept your feminine expression.

If there is no indication that the general feeling among your co-workers is that you are "just another one of the woman," you should perhaps not allow these experiences to cloud your vision, enabling them to become bolder in how they treat you, or communicate with you.

All that being said... I hope that your co-worker was simply treating you as she would another woman. But unless she knows that you are trans, I find it difficult to believe she was being anything other than a smart @$$.

-Michael

Thank you...any reply greatly appreciated! I think these coworkers have absolutely no idea of anything per my outwards appearance of 110% male at work. We have roughly 200 employees and I just counted only ten men in the group. As I remember correctly the woman was relaying the supervisors message to me and if this particular woman had any idea of my gender identity, then I am sure she would not have said anyting like that. She is the one I connect the most with at work.

My basic post was if anyone was sort of outed after a time because of behaviors, not necessarily looks. Even yesterday another innocently asked how long have I been painting my nails. I said ever since I quit biting them and since they seem to break easily and split apart in layers, that I am trying the Hard as Nails to see if it helps. A few other women said that they had the same problem. It just seems like more and more things are being noticed. I will be graduating RN school in Dec 2014 and I plan on leaving there for better opportunities, so I will probably slide through until then. I do however plan on going in at the new place more or less out, in many aspects. :) Amanda

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Posted

People will notice anything that is out of place and women in particular will notice things about each other. Filing your nails and putting hardening lacquer on them will be noticed. They are things men just don't do. Also, the first thing people think when one is in a job predominantly occupied but the opposite gender is that you are gay or lesbian. In your case, gay. I don't think her comment "stop acting like a girl" meant anything more than "stop acting gay" and go and make sure you did what was supposed to be done especially since there was an inspection being done.

For me it was different at the workplace because I did act male and my wife worked in the same building so no one questioned my gender or orientation. So if I was talking amongst other women and was the only male and I showed actual interest in a basically female topic I would not be questioned. Of course I would not ask any questions that would not be pertinent to myself as a male such as "What eyeliner make do you use?", which I have wondered at times along with many other things.

Bonnie

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