"The Art of Passing"

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Posted

Huffington Post often has such great articles. Here's one that makes a lot of sense, I'm sure, to all of us. Imagine! Shopping at Safeway in an LBD and heels? Hahaha!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sidney-chase/the-art-of-passing_b_6779226.html?utm_hp_ref=transgender

Emma

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Posted

Emma , I will admit to wearing dresses and Flats to go grocery shopping Now, if you see me in heels going shopping , it's n account of my being at church prior .........................

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Posted

Dear Emma and Ellen,

The story made me recall three incidents. My beloved wore her work clothes (business suit) when going shopping, as she was going shopping right after work, and I was dressed casual. Talk about the odd couple!

When I lived in Brooklyn, there was a supermarket a few blocks from me that was in a bad neighborhood (in Brooklyn, an excellent neighborhood could be within two or three blocks of a very bad neighborhood) and I had a foreign elderly lady curse me in perfect English for bumping into her with my cart (to this day, I swear I didn't, but she swore I did), and I calmly said, "my, you have excellent English swearing skills!" That shut her up fast.

Another time, in a supermarket, I had a lady from another race than me, drink an orange juice, and dump it in my cart. I did not realize it until I had checked out everything in my cart, and I had to tell the cashier that it was not mine, and had been dumped into my cart after someone else drank it. The cashier asked if it was mine, had I drank it, and I said no. Well, I said nothing to the lady behind me, as I wanted to avoid a physical confrontation, and when I got home, I asked to speak to the manager. I told him the exact time I checked out, the cashier's name and the number of the lane, and described the lady behind me who drank the orange juice and dumped it in my cart. I also informed him that she used her loyalty card and he would be able to pull up her name, address, telephone number as well as find her on the cctv. I told him, chances are, she's been stealing from him the entire time she has been shopping there. Well, she never returned to the store, after being confronted by the manager for stealing from his store.

When the manager of a supermarket or a restaurant says, "I can't control the behavior of my customers, only my employees," I calmly inform him or her, that you have AUTHORITY over everything that goes on in there.

Hope this helps people develop skill sets for asking for decent treatment in a calm manner.

Yours truly,

Monica

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Posted

Monica , your comments are well taken. I stopped buying at a large Chain over my groceries being handed to another customer ahead of me and to further matters , BOTH the cashier and the bagger REFUSE to admit guilt . FURTHER , the manager blew me off as I don't always shall we say pass well when I'm in jeans and work shoes . There is a Kroger opening soon VERY nearby where this store is . I've been shopping out further at another company but I promise ya , I shall NEVER EVER return to the store where I was brushed off , EVER !

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Posted

Dear Ellen,

Chances are, you are not the only customer there that is a recipient of bad service, and their days are numbered!

Your friend,

Monica

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Posted

Dear Ellen and Monica,

Thank you for your comments! Of course, coming home from church or work or a party is one thing, and the public automatically accounts for this by the day of the week, time of day, etc. I'm talking here about being overdressed in the grocery store. I thought the article was humorous because the writer acknowledged that her outfits for her initial outings were a bit over the top. She was self deprecating and I was laughing along with her!

Regardless, behavior such as what Monica described is awful. Unfortunately we all have such stories. I loved Monica's calm come back about the woman's proficiency in swearing. Usually I think of what I wished I had said while driving home, fuming, when its way too late.

Take care, you two,

Emma

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Posted

Dear Emma,

Most of the time, I am also flummoxed into silence when treated horribly. Seems as I am getting older, I am speaking up!

Yes, you are right. The writer was laughing at herself (and inviting us to laugh WITH her), as she learned her lesson to be more appropriately dressed for the occasion . . .

Yours truly,

Monica

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Posted

From my experience many male to female's gravitate to dressing incorrectly in general which I take from being around trans* a fair amount years ago. High heels, short skirts while the cisgender females are in jeans and flats. On a particular LGBT site I use to frequent hosiery and tight skirts topics were posted daily. I once mentioned I prefer jeans and leggings and from the replies back felt like an outcast because I was not into dresses and skirts. Then there are those I have meet recently who are the complete opposite, wore appropriate skirts and dresses for the age and where they were going plus those like me in jeans or leggings. Sure there are places to dress in short skirts but one must consider "does it look good on me", "will it attract the wrong type", is in age appropriate coupled with does it look good on me"

Thinking of attracting the wrong type, happened to me. I dressed in a short tight skirt with high heels for an office Halloween party. Left work, walked to my car and had some men follow me and do cat calls. If I was not passable it could had turned out poorly for me and if I was female could had turned out poorly for me. It is not right that men have this thing in their head of hatred for males dressing as female or females dressing sexy "just because" and are attacked for it.

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Posted

Dear Karen,

The same thing happened to me in the Lesbian community . . . they accused me of dressing too 'fem' for a butch!

Go figure . . .

Yours truly,

Monica

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Posted

Monica,

I am not surprised the least bit.

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Posted

As I was walking through the grocery store today several things came to mind for those who are still green going out as the opposite gender.

At the register the cashier commented on the color of my nails. I said thank-you followed by "and I think the color is wonderful for Spring time". I smiled just a little bit more which lead me to writing the following.

  • My guess is many will have their heart palpitation, anxiety kicks in and you are breathing abnormally. Before exiting your car or if nobody is close by take a very slow deep breath, exhale slowly and repeat two more time. This technique has been proven to work in many situations were adrenalin is flowing through people in high risk jobs and people generally in distress and police or paramedics will get these people to do the deep breathing.
  • Practice your female or male walk if you have not done it for a while your birth gender walk will most likely be dominate and with the heart pounding the last thing you will think about is the proper walk for the gender you are presenting.
  • Let's not forget about arm movement, male and females are different in this respect to as with walking.
  • Before going out relax, sit back and have a nice cup of tea (perhaps decaf), get into the role rather than racing out the door which for many in the beginning gives us the anxiety.
  • While driving listen to relaxing music, this may very well add to relaxing you for the journey to wherever you are going.

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Posted

Looking at that picture Veronica, reminds me of my figure many years ago, size 2. It is a motivator for me to lose some weight which I have been working on recently. Spring in and of itself is a motivator as we shed winter clothing that mask a few extra pounds that were put on or have been there for a while. I had it, a motivation for staying thin but somewhere in time lost it and now that my female side is here I am again motivated. Thanks for sharing :)

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