Why Bother With "Passing"?

23 posts in this topic

Posted

I'd like to present as feminine and attractive, as pretty as I can or want to be at that moment or as appropriate for what I'm doing. But, why is it important to pass? Is it mainly to blend in and avoid being identified or ostracized?

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Posted

Emma , I take pride in presenting as a mature lady . Having some one slur me with Hey, man in a dress just irks the ya know what outta me !

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Posted

Personally for me, I want to present myself as feminine as possible. I would not go out without making an effort with even a bit of makeup, and if im taking photos, I definately want to look my best.

Overall though, I think it depends as with any individual, it is what they feel happy with. As with any gender, some make more effort in their presentation than others.

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Posted

I always want to look presentable. I'm a conservative dresser and am viewed as a lady.

:)

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Posted

I knew one day Emma was going to ask this question. That said geez no clue I am bimbo lol.

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Posted

Am a cisgender woman and I still can not pass! LOL!!

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Posted

Hey everyone, thanks for your comments:

* Ellen: you rock June Cleaver, we know that! :)

* Jennilee: I fully understand; I would want to be as pretty as I can be, too.

* Gennee: Yes, no matter what, let's be ladies.

* cross2play (I don't recall your fem name): You crack me up. How'd you know I'd ask that question? :rolleyes:

* Monica: LOL!!! :D

Here's where I'm coming from: yes, I would want to look nice, but like when women started wearing pants (in the 60s, as I recall), they didn't worry about trying to look like men. They just wanted to wear pants, for their comfort, convenience, and style. Well, when I'm at home and wearing a dress, I really don't give a darn (except when I walk past a mirror, LOL!) what I look like. In a more perfect world I'd not feel any compunctions about going to the store dressed the same way, but I sure do... :ph34r:

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Posted

Makes me think of how males who are female within many times will dress very masculine and the female to male display femininity to the highest degree. That is passing in a different way although I believe many would disagree and say it's a disguise. So reversing that to a male going to extremes to be a female and a female doing similar are we disguising or passing.

Personally I dress conservative like others in my area and age range. There are times when I want to be looking good for a dinner with friends and will dress accordingly in a nice dress or skirt but for everyday that is not me. If I was in a job that required it I would but not for passing.

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Posted

When I'm out, dressed neutral and feeling light and bubbly, I have been addressed as 'mam' on occassion. I have taken note that it happened during times of happy and light hearted conversation, where I am guessing, personality fills in the details.

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Posted

Very good point, TammyJo. We sometimes try too hard. We all have "radar" that is tuned to detect that. The first and most important step is to just be comfortable within our own skin.

Emma

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Posted

These days when addressed as ma’am dependent on the situation I will say something like "my name is Karen" as I am not fond of ma'am. If addressing a unknown female I will use "Miss".

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Posted

Even though I am a cisgender female, feel I am more likely to be treated as the lady that I am IN PERSON (my personality compensates for my looks) than in an Internet dating website, where I am judged by a profile picture and a few paragraphs!

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Posted

Monica, indeed, we all are treated better in person than over "social" networking sites and services where people can both hide in anonymity and by not suffering the real expressions and results of their insults. Thankfully, we do not have that kind of behavior here at TGG! :D

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Posted

At a gender conference, I hope to be seen as the woman I am, and if need be, to continue getting to know one another here at TGGuide. Always referring transwomen I meet elsewhere to TGGuide, where they can read my posts and get to know me better!

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Posted

Fwiw I am not too worried about passing, but I do want to do a good job of my appearance and presentation.

So I make an effort, clothes, make up, accessories, mannerisms, walk etc.

If I manage to do a convincing job, that is affirmation of my efforts I suppose, but I am more internally than externally driven... I do this for me.

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Posted

Dani, I think that is a very reasonable approach and mindset. Then, it's not a "costume," it's you being you. Of course you want to look nice, in your own style. But whether that means that you look like you just came off a ranch, out to a 5-star dinner, or to the afterwork office gathering, it's 100% you.

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Posted

I think much of it is "simply" about projecting outwardly who you are inside. So if your goal is to be seen, accepted, and treated as a woman or man, it's more important to pass. If the goal is to be seen, accepted and treated as more feminine (me) or masculine than you would otherwise, then passing isn't so important (or might be cointerproductive).

That and I think women's clothes are so much nicer than men's :) (the jeans could use deeper pockets though, just sayin)

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Posted

Very well said Christie!

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Posted

A costume is dressing for a character, a uniform is dressing for an organization, such as the Girl Scouts, the military or a fast food restaurant, and dressing for yourself is for YOU and the OCCASION . . .

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Posted

Very very important to remember, Monica. Thank you!

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Posted

I think most of the time I dress unisex leaning towards girls clothing.  Which for me means finding items I feel comfortable in from the juniors department.  Many times I am in public wearing panties, girls; jeans, running shoes, watch. top, unisex styled glasses and girls jewelry.

DRun.jpg

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Posted (edited)

25 Dec 2015, yes as time goes by another year of cross dressing for some, I certainly believe passing is essential in development of ones long term goals/aims. Geez if only make up costed cheaper ..$$$

Edited by cross2play
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Posted

The experience of being treated and accepted as a lady is important to me as well. I take time to present myself for the occasion and thats mostly in heels and hose. I am very concerned about makeup and hair before leaving the house .

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