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Is this (still) crossdressing? Confused!

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Posted

A few weeks ago there was a post on another forum in which a person noted that they went out in public dressed in women's clothes that were not obviously women's clothes. In other words they were clothes that could 'pass' as men's clothes. This prompted me to write this blog: https://daniellaargento.wordpress.com/2015/02/03/when-is-crossdressing-not-crossdressing/

Then I bought a pair of women's cowboy boots that could 'pass' as men's boots and wore them in male mode to a music concert (please see https://daniellaargento.wordpress.com/?p=172&preview=true&preview_id=172 for more).

I was thus confronted with the reality of wearing women's clothes in stealth.

Is this a rather strange form of underdressing? Was it crossdressing at all? Or was I just dressed in a manner (mostly) of my choosing expressing the feminine side of my character as best as I was able?

The more I think about it the more I feel that it is me exppressing my feminine side in a 'safe' if closeted manner. I have an item of clothing that I like, that is comfortable (they are in fact the most comfortable boots I own) and that expresses who I am...

This truly is an interesting journey...

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Posted

Hi Danialla,

Very nicely written posts on your blog. I like how you organize your thoughts and express yourself. Thank you for posting this here!

Emma

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Posted

I didn't go to read the blog, but based on what you describe in this post here on TGG, I would say it boils down to ignorance is bliss - what people don't know, doesn't bother them. If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around, does it make any sound?

There are many styles in which the only difference in men's and women's cowboy boots is size, though there are some colours you won't find in a men's boot, and possibly some materials - like alligator (?) might not be used in women's boots. I think in places where cowboy boots are very common, most people don't wonder if he's wearing women's boots or she's wearing men's boots. It's possible however, that on some subconscious level, people just assume she's wearing women's boots and he's wearing men's boots. Chances are, unless you chose a pair that are obviously a feminine cut/design/colour... no one blinked an eye. I've had both men's and women's cowboy boots, but my gender identity had nothing to do with my choices:

-- One pair, I bought off the men's shelf because the women's boot (same design, colours) hurt the bridge of my foot

-- One pair, I bought off the children's shelf because I was lucky enough to find the boot in the largest boy's size - the design and colours were the same for men, women and children, but the child's boot cost less. (hee-hee)

-- One pair, I bought off the women's shelf because I liked the boot but couldn't find it on the men's shelf - they were out. I was traveling and wouldn't have been around when the men's boot was back in stock. No biggie, I thought, but I paid the price, as I cannot wear them for long periods. They are a tad too narrow, and the only reason they don't bother the bridge of my foot too badly is because they are lace-up

I think it's a case of "mind over matter." Case in point... at a friend's mother's house with her one day, an acquaintance of the mother dropped by. While there, the acquainance gushed and bubbled how much my friend's son looked so much like his grandfather. People see what they want to see. And they apply the rules they think are applicable based on what they think they see. You see... the boy was not related to the grandfather in any way, shape or form - the man was my friend's stepfather. Therefore, the boy couldn't look just like the grandfather.

I sorta think if people don't know you're "cross dressing," then you aren't cross dressing simply because they don't know it. Their ignorance is your bliss.

-Michael

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Posted

I'm in the middle of two magazine stories and some over zealous people on FB . The boot issue to me seems trivial . If someone is going to call ya out over a rather androgionous pair of boots , perhaps they need to reassess their own wardrobe choices !

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Posted

Dear Daniella, Emma and Michael,

Dressing is in the SPIRIT of how a piece of clothing is worn. Personally, as a mid-butch Lesbian, I dressed totally different when I was in Florida and Brooklyn, away from my family. My family objected strenuously about my short haircut and masculine clothing, so I allowed my hair to grow out and wore more feminine tops, along with jewelry. Accommodated my look, but was the same on the inside. Sadly, the women on the Internet dating website did not agree with me . . .

Yours truly,

Monica

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Posted

Monica , Renegades an Boho's have always been a target for anyone W/O an imagination .

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Posted

I would have you ask yourself, is it crossdressing or a way to express your feminine or something else, could go either way but only you know for sure. You can go farther like I did, go from tactical clothes to androgionous to female and nobody blinked an eye but this is over a years time period. Put a frog in hot water it leaps out but put it in cold water and slowly heat it up, the frog dies. Slowing change your clothing style a little bit every three months, bottoms to start with, shoe next, pretty soon when done right breast forms out in the open (staring with small then progressively increases in size)

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Posted

Yes it's definitely feminine side, since I have living as a woman for 3+ years & on & off cds-ing to trying wardrobe's I find myself thinking as women what if I tried those mens fitting smaller size to suit my needs. I would call it all a alpha beta alpha dressing in reverse for bi polar in mathematics.

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Posted

For me during the week, it's female tops , jeans sometimes tights an flats . I will do just enough make up to look decent .

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Posted

During the teen years (adolescence), cisgender girls experiment with different styles of clothing, sometimes to their parents' embarrassment. Recall years ago, seeing two girls, one wearing white, the other black, "see through" pants with a matching 'bikini' providing any decent coverage. Am sure they dressed in the women's restroom, sneaking the outfits behind their parents' back to the mall!

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Posted

Monica , I was invited back to a New York radio show today for another "Phone interview " . Point is , I could have done this in my Night gown . I told the Hostess, Jennifer Lopez I am a mature transwoman and I came up in the 1950's . In other words , I respect myself enough to look at least "Presentable " .

When I go out for a business meeting , Hon, it's a DRESS , a suit and heels . Yeah, I'm June Cleaver .

th_MeanthefamousDaleBrumfield7-21-2014001_zps160498d6.jpg

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Posted

Ellen, you look scrumptious. If that's June Cleaver, well, the Beav's a lucky boy to have you as his mom.

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Posted

Ellen, clicked on your picture, hoping to enlarge it, and it lead me into your Photobucket! Highly recommend people to click on Ellen's picture above (Tbirdgal) and you will be in for a treat!

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Posted

Emma , I'm with famed author , Dale Brumfield here at the Taza coffee shop I Richmond Virginia . Dale and I have worked together on two books about UNDERGROUND Richmond Virginia an NOW , Underground Washington DC in the 60's Yes this is how you will meet me at a business meeting .

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Posted

Ellen, what can I say but that Mr. Brumfield had better treat you nice. I look forward to meeting you some day but God forbid at a business meeting! I've had my fill of those and shudder at the thought of another one.

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Posted

Hey girls you're doing fine..just fine..for us at across DA border, the competition with Asians girls they prefer showing revealing assets therefore I like dressing up rather than wearing jeans to being in a comfort zone, its a party plac here & rather than low key village in country side, its overkill blown out, Yee ha

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Posted

Thanks for all the comments everyone, and for the nice comments re my blog.

Nice to see that I contributed something and got some discussion going.

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Posted

So here's a question that's been rumbling through my mind for a few days. Maybe I should create a new thread but this one seems perfect for it. Here goes:

If I'm feeling good or more natural about myself wearing whatever level of feminine clothing I am it seeme to me that this underscores or validates a measure of my being transgender, a transwoman. And if you agree with that, why would we then say that I am crossdressing at all?

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Posted

Ellen, those two books sound interesting. I love reading about the underground world. Are they available? If not, when will they be?

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Posted

So here's a question that's been rumbling through my mind for a few days. Maybe I should create a new thread but this one seems perfect for it. Here goes:

If I'm feeling good or more natural about myself wearing whatever level of feminine clothing I am it seeme to me that this underscores or validates a measure of my being transgender, a transwoman. And if you agree with that, why would we then say that I am crossdressing at all?

Sounds like a good new topic

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Posted

Would be interesting to know what percentage of cross dressers eventually identify as transsexuals. My beloved started as a cross dresser (before her involvement with me) and concluded that she was a NON-OP transsexual. To me, it is a moot point, as she was the same beautiful woman, no matter how she labels herself . . .

At what point does a cross dresser becomes a transsexual? That is known only inside the mind of the person. Feel most transsexuals START as cross dressers. Feel there is a fetishist quality to some cross dressers, but not all.

Emma, in my opinion, I feel you are a transsexual, and not a cross dresser. Would have said the same to my beloved . . .

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Posted

Monica,

I definitely and often wonder if my hearts desire would be to fully transition. I have so many conflicted opinions inside. I'm just trying to take baby steps and see where I need to go. And try to balance that with my life with my own beloved.

Emma

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