Issues concerning Stealth

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Posted

Keeping it hidden, even from a spouse often requires stealth or sneaky techniques. This could be the place to discuss those topics.

For instance, does anyone use a PO box for mail order that you don't want comming to your home?

- is it effective keeping all associated advertising mail away from you at home, or does some leak through to your RL?

- do you use the Post Office or a third party establishment such-as a copy store?

- do you take out the box in both your real name or enfemme name? Any problems associated with that?

- other

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Posted

I had a P.O. Box a long time ago. Unfortunately, I had let it go. When I went back later to get another one, it was post-911, and they had all these extra rules. I was told that the ONLY mail that would be delivered to the post box would be mail in my legal name, mass mailers, and mail addressed to "resident." If I wanted mail addressed to another name (I had asked about allowing my brother to use my P.O. Box while he was between addresses), they told me that I would have to present his legal picture I.D and add his name to the box or mail would not be delivered.

If you do get a P.O. Box, and then want to use it with your chosen name, there is no guarantee that eventually you won't get mail in that name in your home mailbox. I have used my chosen name to order stuff online to send to a friend - the order wasn't even coming to my geographical address, and now, every once in a while, a piece of mail will show up in my home mailbox under my chosen name. I can only guess/hope that I've been lucky enough that so far, DMA has not somehow snagged the info.

-Michael

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Posted

Char and Mike,

Years ago, had very positive experiences with the U.S.Mail and P.O. Boxes.

Sadly, in recent years, have had mail going to neighbors and/or incorrect P.O. Boxes, and the mail was destroyed. Whether it was read or not, I do not know. Have had several packages stolen, including a book, several sausage and cheese gift assortments, and a very expensive radio I ordered, by U.S. Postal Service employees, when I lived in Brooklyn, NYC.

Presently I live in a senior apartment complex, and there are many fragile elderly and/or very ill people, so returning mail to the management or taking it to my apartment on the eighth floor may be too difficult. Some pin it on the bulletin board, which is a good alternative to taking it to management in the lobby (ground floor). Luckily, the management takes their duties seriously accepting packages and respecting tenants' privacy.

United Parcel Service (UPS) offers P.O. Boxes, and I know they are more expensive than the U.S. Postal Service, but I do not know how secure they are.

Monica

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Posted

Chara,

It sure sucks having to be sneaky and secretive, doesn't it? Even these days I am buying clothing on-line that my wife isn't aware of. Some day soon I hope she'll be open to my showing it all to her. In the meantime, here's what I'm doing:

1. Amazon

Sign up to be a Prime member and you get free 2-day shipping to a local 7-11 locker, which you can access with no hassle from the store. I love it. No longer worrying about boxes being stolen from our front door step. Also, they have free returns, which I have used when I guessed the incorrect size or style.

2. Other retail stores (such as REI)

I found that some of them realize that it might be a good thing to get on-line customers into their store. So, they may offer free shipping to a local retail store. It's not quite as anonymous as Amazon's shipping to a 7-11 but in the worst case I can tell the store clerk that I'm picking up something for my wife. Yeah, that's the chicken's way out... :) And, it doesn't solve the "returns problem."

I don't have needs of delivery of other things. I buy many books on Amazon and can have those shipped to the 7-11, or I buy them for the Kindle app on my iPad, with "instant delivery."

Good luck,

Emma

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Posted

When ii got specific items I made sure that week I look out for post man to deliver the item's in hand rather than leave it somewhere mailbox that said I never relayied on mail just go to retail & purchase as her. There are many things to hide I keep a private storage unit in storage facility to do private tasks he he !

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Posted

Eventually there will be a slipup no matter how careful one is. There are companies that will ask about sharing your information while others do not but even the ones that do sometimes this is by clicking a check box which may be missed.

Back when I was still married not much of anything was shipped to me, everything was local as I knew full well there would be a slip up. Needed to read something, it was online, needed clothes, purchased locally.

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Posted

Haven't purchased anything on line yet. A PO box sounds good.I had my things locked in  my car thought my wife would stumble across them. I have a compartment in the bottom of a wardrobe is to heavy for m wife to lift up.

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Posted

When I was still married I used to have several hiding places in the basement and eventually that got all full.  My wife didn't like the furnace area so that was a good place.  We had a dropped ceiling in the finished part of the basement and the space between the panels and the wood ceiling could be accessed from the laundry room.  I had to use a small step ladder to put stuff up there.  One other place was inside a panel that went around a sewer pipe.  It had a small door that was screwed in and I put a couple of shelves inside and stored magazines and lingerie there.

I had a PO Box at UPS and then I got a Sears MasterCard using only my initials and surname (so when ordering anything they wouldn't know the gender) and the PO Box address,  When my MC bill came I would go to Sears and pay for it in cash.  The scary part was going in and out of the UPS store and hoping not to be seen by a neighbour or anyone who knew my wife.

That was another issue, where do I get the money to pay for things without notice or questions from my wife.  When I would run errands or get money for this or that I would put $5, $10 or $20 away in one of my secret places.  It would add up quick enough then I would be out shopping or online shopping.

I am happy I don't have to do any on that any more.  I still have to put $5, $10 or $20 away for shopping because living on your own is expensive.  I also still have a problem on where to put all my clothes.  My closet is taken up with mostly women's clothes and shoes and my women's dresser is full. My men's dresser is full.  I need another bedroom to use as closet.  Oh well!

Bonnie

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