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Christy

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About Christy

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 11/15/1976

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  • Gender
    Transgender
  • Location
    Florida
  • Interests
    Tennis, Painting, Shopping, Music, Yoga, Scuba, Golf, Snowboarding, Skiing, Hiking, Motorcycles, Movies

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  1. I agree that it is fun to just get out there. Sounds like you have a good family and friends. I also agree that the wigs can be a pain in the butt. It just takes time to find the right one though. I’m so happy for you to have the opportunity to explore Dee. I truly love just being myself with my friends. It is just natural. I tend to giggle more. 😘
  2. Christy

    Teanaway Ridge Hike

    It’s funny that you responded that way. That’s a great homework assignment. I had a laser/electrolysis appointment on Tuesday which shifted my view. I’m have become close with her and we talk about our lives together. Almost like therapy really. Anyway, she saw how much pain I was in both mentally and physically. I threw my back out on my wedding anniversary by picking up a towel off the floor and was practically paralyzed for days. Still hurts. She gave me a leopard skin jasper stone from her own pocket and said “this will help you”. I didn’t think much of it at the time except that it was such a lovely gift. Well, since then all kinds of great things started happening. As soon as I got to my car another friend sent me a text with a link to Kathryn Alice’s book and release exercise. I ended up listening to her all day on YouTube as I drove around for work. It helped me tremendously and I guess I kind of released my wife without realizing it. Although a true release is still needed. I have been very content with life and very focused on the things that are truly important. No stress really. Clear mind. Everything will be ok. Excitement for the future. Self esteem is way up there in my heart. My wife’s craziness doesn’t bother me as much. Fears of not having a place in this world are pretty much gone. Amazing! I ended up listening to Don Miguel by chance and he was talking about the narrators in our own heads. Preconceived ideas that throw us off track. The exercise there is to stop and think again. To be aware of the thinking patterns that we fall into. This is exactly what your therapist recommended to you. It takes some practice but I can tell you this. It has changed my life and gotten me back on track. I’m better in almost every aspect of my life for it. Kids, work and dealing with the wife. It’s remarkable really and I can only describe it in this way. “It’s like I have an invisible shield around my emotional state of mind “. Stability of thought and emotional state of mind. Nothing has put a dent in it. I’m grounded to the planet. Remarkable. Does that stone have anything to do with this? I don’t know but it can’t hurt so I keep it with me. In one day I did a flip flop from lost in the world to connected with it in a profound way. I hope you find this peace as well. 😘
  3. You are correct Jess. I will do that in life. But I'm not doing it here.
  4. Christy

    Teanaway Ridge Hike

    Emma I am glad you brought this topic up and had the courage to share it with us. "judgement that I put on myself". I have struggled with this over and over again. Just when I think I have made it past the struggle and my confidence is beaming life throws a rock at my head. (Usually by my wife by the way). I start to doubt my very existence and my place in this world. Throw in 2 teenage boys that I love and cant be honest with yet and well.....more confusion ensues. Painfully. So, I want to just retreat from the world and go back to living in my castle alone with me & me. Reaching out only when I want too. And I do just that. Then as time goes by I fight my way back regaining strength, belief and confidence in myself. Scratching and clawing my way to sanity. Over the past 2 months I have been hanging out with my friends that have been supporting my struggles and I am blessed to have them in my life. I probably wouldn't have made it without their constant loving attention towards me. They are all lesbians with one trans women. This is a whole new world for me to learn and I enjoy this new experience for the most part. BUT....Only my transgender friends (2) truly accept me fully. Unconditionally. The others are nice and pleasant towards me and we have fun but there is an underlying feeling I get from the others. I'm not truly part of their group or tribe. It makes me feel like a square peg being pushed into a round hole by the shear force of nature its self. I don't like it at all and given enough time (which always happens) I want to just leave and retreat to the sanctuary of my home. Sometimes they are at my home and I am forced to just observe them throwing in my 2 cents when ever I can. Its like I am peering into a world that I'm not really apart of. Add the sexual activity they are having and I am lost. Some girls have shown an interest with me but I'm married and to be honest I'm super nervous because this is all new territory for me. This is all happening in my head as life revolves around me. I know the solution is to engage with them more and tell them how & what I am feeling but I am limited by other aspects of my life. Its not really that I want or expect anyone to accept me as female or even trans female. I just struggle with the questions in my head. "Can I just be me? Can I just live? Why do I feel the need to fit in? Can this incredibly unique human being live a happy life that has meaning?" Will I be fully embraced as a lesbian woman? No, because I'm not. I am Transgender. I am a Unicorn in the enchanted forest of life or the White Stag that is rarely seen but usually chased. That is my place in this world and mother nature has been trying to show that to me for my entire life. I had an experience the other day that I will post about later that literally slapped me in the leg and started the process of staying out of my shell. So, I am letting go of trying to fit in because that is like putting a cow costume on the unicorn. It just doesn't fit and its unnecessary in my opinion. I am Me. Finally Free. 😘
  5. I dislike the topic myself. In a nut shell....I neither hate or fear anyone. Except myself sometimes.... I like Monica, I will not be discussing politics anymore. 😘 It's nice to be back ☺️
  6. Christy

    Guilt on the Rise

    It funny that you brought this up. I’m going through a similar situation. I get sad for my wife as she has been drinking a lot these days. I try to be around and help her with things but she has a hard time communicating with me. I do feel like I am being selfish at times and make an effort to be around for the kids. I worry all the time about my family and parents. At least I am close so I can keep an eye on things. I feel your pain and I think therapy would help. It’s helpful for my wife I think. She never wants to talk about it though. Time will tell.
  7. I think you will learn a great deal being Dee for a day or two. The first time I went out as myself I hated it. I didn’t feel confident or comfortable at all but I just rolled with it and was able to laugh at myself. I was trying to be something that I’m not. I have found my style since then and feel much more confident these days but I still have to be careful about running into people I know. I’m more of a sporty spice kind of chick. I love hanging out with my tg friends and being myself. I even referred to my wife as my ex-wife the other day. It just popped out and stopped me in my tracks for a couple of minutes. Funny I guess. Good luck and just be yourself 😘
  8. Also I have had times when I questioned whether or not I could actually do this. At those times I just take a deep breath and then take a step back. I just stop thinking about the future. I focus on the day. It can be so overwhelming at times that I just need a break from my own mind. It seems to help.
  9. I struggle with the same thing and now that divorce is probably going to happen the trans stuff will be used against me. My sister yelled at me and said get out of your house and let it all go! She was right. I’m just going to be myself as much as I can. I will make concessions for my family but getting out more as christa has been very uplifting. Like Jess said take as much Dee with you as you feel comfortable doing. That’s what I am doing and it is scary at times but I just push a little bit and then add more when I’m ready. Also hanging out with my tg friends as me has really helped. As far as the clinic goes, be a little pushy. The squeaky wheel always gets the grease. 😘
  10. Totally awesome 👏🏻. You know how I feel 😘 great pic by the way 😉
  11. Totally awesome 👏🏻. You know how I feel 😘 great pic by the way 😉
  12. I’ve read your posts and understand why you have such a hard time trusting. How could you. You need to protect yourself. Here is the safety and support that stats to break down the fear. I have watched you become less defensive and open up your heart more and more. It’s a beautiful thing to watch and read. I don’t place judgment on others because I have not walked in their shoes. Here we have a common sense of life and that helps us see past the pain. I know you have a good heart and are letting others see that little by little. That’s a great thing and warms my heart. I wish you only the best. 😊
  13. I would definitely tell the technician. Mine always puts a cream on my face after laser or electrolysis. It helps with the inflammation and healing. I’ll ask what it is again. Plus!! Later after I wash my face I put aloe on my face. I have the plant and I cut off a small portion and open it up. Then wipe it all over my face. It’s really good for your skin and is awesome for sunburn. Which is part of laser. This all gets better as time goes on. You hair is thick and your skin is tougher than it will be. So with the thick hair you have more heat and pain. As your hair gets thinner it will be less noticeable but then your skin becomes more sensitive with hrt so the pain goes up. I would definitely get an aloe plant and keep it in a sunny window.
  14. It will get better. I had a rash at the beginning too. It’s normal.
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