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Nervious & Excited

Posted by PlagueBubonic , 11 January 2012 · 106 views

Tomorrow I'm going to my first support group meeting for transwomen; this is at 14:00 hours. I'm down right scared, I'm really shy around people untill I get to know you.
<yep then you can't shut Plague up>
I guess when I get nervous I play round a bit much.
People are going to see me, and their going to think.... ? What a ugly..... ?
Maybe not; I don't really know,but no matter what, I'm going! I cannot let what other's think of me worry me.
I mean, I going out all over the place; as I am a chica. yes people stare at me, however I pay them no mind. Even when I bump into people I knew; their like WTF is up with you?? Some tell me I'm damed, others tell me to get away from them, and then there's the old I'm going to Hell bit. when I go to the support group I have to see these folks every week. I hope I can fit in, I hope they don't tell me to leave, because I look, and sound odd. I mean I'm used to the abuse, phyical pain I eat that for lunch, but this ? Maybe I making to much out of this, I just don't know how to act yet; I feel like I still have so much work to do before I sit down and see, talk, and listen to other people. For the first time in my life I'm unsure of myself; I've only been out full time for only about 8 months.
Heavens to Betsy How's a Transwoman to act?? O God, makeup! Crap!! What to ware? my hair!!
<Plague rolls her eyes> I freaking out, Really!!!  
I guess if some reads this their going to think...What a cry baby!!!
   How can I make you understand, I'm used to hidding from people not seeing them every week!!
I know at first everyone's nice, but then when a little time goes by ....people usually tell me to go. They just can't take my crap any more; the story of my life. FYI thats why I call my self Plague.
Just like a plague you don't want, and you try to get rid of it. A misfit,throw-a-way that's what I am!
Boy! This really got nagtive in a hurry!! <Deep breath> Ok instead of looking at this as something to get worried about, it could turn out really good too.
I'm just going to Girl-Up be myself, stop freaking out, and show everyone a little LOVE!
Now that's more like it!! I may not know how a TG woman is to act ..So I'll just be ME, and that's OK!
Sorry if this blog disturbs anyone I didnot mean to do that. I just want to keep a diary, or journal of my transition. The good, and the bad; I don't want to pull me punches, just be honest as possible.
I think this quote, I read applies here it's for Ms. Lucy Montgomery,"In this world you've just got to hope for the best, and prepare for the worst, and take whatever God sends."
Thats just what I'm going to do in this case....Again, I do apologize if I offended anyone. I just really want to fit in at the support group.  
Well that's it, till have something else to blog about....Peace Out..>^.^<




I'm so VERY proud of you Plague. :)

It's scary walking into a support group meeting for the first time, but I suspect you'll be right at home and you may wonder what you were so worried about in the first place. Over time you may become very close with them. No need to freak out cause everybody in the group has felt just like you at some point. (((hugs!)))
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PlagueBubonic
Jan 13 2012 06:37 AM
Thank you very much Ms. Lori.  I love encouragement!!! >^.^<
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