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UsernameOpti... : (27 November 2014 - 12:57 AM) Happy Turkey Day to all our American members where ever they may be.
EmmaSweet : (26 November 2014 - 04:41 PM) To everyone at TG Guide: thank you dearly for your support and friendship. I wish a very Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.
MonicaPz : (26 November 2014 - 04:11 PM) Cross2play, you have a link that takes me directly to your videos?  Thanks!
TechCherry3g : (26 November 2014 - 03:14 PM) Happy Thanksgiving!
Gennee : (26 November 2014 - 03:14 PM) Happy Thanksgiving!
cross2play : (25 November 2014 - 06:50 PM) And subscribe so I can make more videio's :)
cross2play : (25 November 2014 - 06:47 PM) jennifer38 watch my youtube channel - its exactly for conflicting self's!
EmmaSweet : (25 November 2014 - 04:42 PM) I'd found it this morning in the Hurfington Post and added it as a comment to my blog post on depression and suicide: http://www.huffingto...lar,transgender
CharityLynnC... : (25 November 2014 - 04:35 PM) yw ... postively trans facebook group  posted this and ive been posting this everywhere i can
UsernameOpti... : (25 November 2014 - 04:16 PM) A big thanks to Charity Lynn for finding this website.  We have added this link to the list of online resources in the Mental Health and Crisis Intervention forum.   As always, if you or someone you know is in IMMEDIATE danger of harm, dial 911 or the emergency number in your area.
CharityLynnC... : (25 November 2014 - 01:24 PM) if you know anyone in the transgender community who is feeling suicidal..please give them this website that has a  number they can call for help. http://www.translifeline.org/
jennifer38 : (25 November 2014 - 11:54 AM) I got my blog up and running!  Hallelujah!
jennifer38 : (25 November 2014 - 10:49 AM) I've been trying, all day, to start a blog.  I created it, but I can't find where to type the main text of my entries.  For now, I seem to have the easiest time with the shoutbox.  I know I'm heard, here, for sure, and I can easily find other stuff I've already typed, here.
CharityLynnC... : (25 November 2014 - 10:23 AM) transgender suicide hotline has arrived for those in need. http://www.translifeline.org/
EmmaSweet : (25 November 2014 - 07:21 AM) Hi Jennifer, I suggest you start a blog on this topic and any others that you have now or later. I'm sure there are people here, like me, who would be happy to help however we can.
pushkal : (25 November 2014 - 05:34 AM) Hello to all
jennifer38 : (25 November 2014 - 04:36 AM) Good morning all.  Its after 7 AM Eastern.  Cold weather's coming back to PA.  Yuck.  Anyway, in response to someone I read, I would like to start a thread on my unique issues.  I wonder if this is what intersexed is.  When setting up my account, I wasn't sure which gender option to choose.  All I know is, I want to honestly state my true physical makeup as a man, but just as honestly confess my internal female feelings.  I've always wanted to meet other people in my exact situation.  I trust I am not alone in this, and this forum is a great way to vent these feelings I cannot just tell anyone.  At least I shouldn't be criticized or judged for this.  I'd certainly get it if I told family and church members.  I've hinted at it to my family, but I definitely did not go into all the vivid detail like I'm doing here.
pushkal : (25 November 2014 - 02:09 AM) I had purchased The Ultimate Genital Hiding Gaff Pink "Satin"
pushkal : (24 November 2014 - 11:25 PM) I want to appear in public as transgender
UsernameOpti... : (24 November 2014 - 10:39 PM) Hello jennifer38, and welcome.  Perhaps you would consider starting a thread on this topic - there may be others who encounter the same issues.





Photo * * * * - 1 votes

The story of a confused girl

Posted by Melanie , 02 April 2012 · 143 views

Hello everyone, and welcome to my first blog.

I am so happy to have found this site to share my thoughts, my story and whatever advice I can with all the other TG people out there. I wanted to start off by sharing my story so far with everyone and we can go from there.

Once upon a time....j/k thought that would be kind of funny. Anyways,
Ever since I was about eight or nine I have always enjoyed wearing my sisters clothes, it wasn't anything sexual, it somehow just felt normal. I also want to point out that I was also brought up with two sisters and two step-sisters, this will come up later on. My childhood was pretty much the same as any other boys childhood was, I played in Little league (although at the time I wasn't that good), I played street hockey, I did what any other boy my age was doing. Now that I've come to the realization that I'm trans, I have realized that I was quite different back then, even if I did grow up just like the other boys.
I was never one of the "cool" kids, actually I was one of the ones they picked on, I was always teased about how I crossed my legs (even though guys DO cross their legs).
As I hit puberty the usual things happened, getting erections, attracted to girls, changing of the voice, etc. I don't need to explain eveything (or do I?) j/k. I never really had any girlfriends, I had girl friends (if you know what I mean). I also had boy friends, they were the ones I grew up with I never really made any new guy friends at my new schools, but somehow always connected with the girls.
My teen years were to be as expected, go to high school, get in trouble, (although I got into more trouble than most). I got older and eventually moved out on my own. This is where it seems I was finally able to spread my wings and fly.
A friend and I had got an apartment together and we had people over had the parties and what not. One day we were all talking about sex and other things and one of the guys who was new to the group had said that he masturbated a lot, and he thought about being with a guy, and that he might be gay, or at least bi-sexual. Everyone had made fun of him, but not to the extent of hurting his feelings, I know because I asked him about it later.
Although everyone was making jokes about his sexuality, it got me thinking about my own sexuality. After awhile he became "one of the guys" and then one day, I went over to his house to talk about the situation, and well I won't go into detail, but one thing lead to another. I have been with girls before and this just seemed to fit, I was actually happy and I was actually satisfied. That was the only time with that guy, not because of what had happened but for other reasons him and the rest of us just sort of drifted apart. Ever since then I was always curious about what if I am, or maybe because it was different, I wasn't sure. I eventually had gotten my own apartment and one night sitting alone I decided to try one of the phone chat lines, I started with the single girls side and after awhile I switched over to feed my curiosity. I quickly met up with someone that wanted to get together and BAM, I was hooked. I felt total gratification in what I was doing and it seemed normal (to me). Although I can't say I'm proud of it, but I turned into a slut, I wanted it from any guy whenever and so forth. Ok I'm getting carried away.
I eventually met one guy who (was supposed to be) a one night stand, give me his phone number. At the time I thought, ah whatever I won't call him, threw the number on my dresser and forgot about it, until the next day. LOL, I know right. Although you laugh, after eight years (and counting) I am still with that same guy. Since then I've come out to my family and friends and seemed happy, until now.
Although the past eight years I was happy, or at least I thought I was it seems like I was in grade school again, happy with my life, but something was still different, something was missing. I have done a lot of research and finally came to the conclusion that I am trans. Anytime I thought about it or was watching videos, I always came to this realization that I was happy, and it seemed like the missing piece of the puzzle.
So here I am, at the bottom of the mountain looking up to the achievments (and hurdles) I must get through to reach my goal. I have an appointment already to go talk to my Dr., about seeing a therapist, because I don't know of one that may be experienced in gender dysphoria in my city, so hopefully he can help me out. This is my first step to becoming Melanie!


Hugs,

Melanie





ravynsorrow
Apr 02 2012 05:29 PM
well first off hun..welcome and secondly your among supportive people so yea your story is cool. thanks for sharing
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