Jump to content

Change
VISITORS: Your access to view photos and site information is limited as a guest.
Click here to join now


Toggle shoutbox Shoutbox Open the Shoutbox in a popup

jennifer38 : (20 December 2014 - 03:43 PM) I'd like to thank everyone who dialed into my phone conference, earlier today.  It was a wonderful time.  Lord willing, I plan to do more of these after the holidays.  I will announce one as time gets nearer.
carrell : (19 December 2014 - 01:40 PM) Any members in New Mexico ?
jennifer38 : (19 December 2014 - 12:16 PM) I still plan to have another phone conference, tomorrow.  All members are invited.  Details are on the calendar.
UsernameOpti... : (18 December 2014 - 07:55 PM) Happy Birthday to stephani
MonicaPz : (18 December 2014 - 06:17 PM) Happy birthday, Stephani!
AshMich1945 : (18 December 2014 - 10:57 AM) Hello...my name when I'm transformed, is Ashleigh Michelle James. I'm a lifelong cd/tg from sw Connecticut. I've been fascinated by female attire and femininity since I was very young. Now that I'm mature, I can enjoy all the benefits of being a woman. I hope to meet many more members from CT and share my experiences with them as well as possibly go out for shopping trips, coffee latches and brunch.
CharityLynnC... : (16 December 2014 - 01:24 AM) lol
veronicabeta : (15 December 2014 - 10:16 PM) Recalling all the times I cursed "dial up" and was worried the Interweb might have become self aware !
UsernameOpti... : (15 December 2014 - 09:30 PM) Duct tape, bailing wire, bubble gum and a good hammer will usually fix nearly anything!
Lori : (15 December 2014 - 08:43 PM) Sorry about the outage today. We had server problems but banging on it with a hammer seemed to work! ;)
CharityLynnC... : (15 December 2014 - 08:22 PM) what in the world cause this site to be down for a day...lol..tried to get on and got an sql server error..
jennifer38 : (15 December 2014 - 10:56 AM) I plan to hold another conference this Saturday at 3 PM Eastern.  For those who came to the last one, the number and meeting ID are the same.  Anybody who does not have the number and is interested, please message me, as I've been advised to not openly post the number and ID for fear of them falling into the hands of troublemakers.  Also, anytime I bring up religion and The Bible, it is not meant to intimidate or embarrass anyone.  I'm sorry if anyone feels put down, because I have no intentions of doing so.  In spite of my transgender feelings, I have a deep love for Christ, but I respect those who don't believe like I do.  My goal of these telephone chats is simply to create a telephone hang-out for us fellow trans on all levels of the spectrum, and for our allies.  I hope to see you all there.
cross2play : (13 December 2014 - 07:57 PM) I cross dresser 1st time in days & walked on high street as her it was amazingly incredible : cdsing in moderation he he !
PamalaFlinn : (12 December 2014 - 02:56 PM) Jay P . I am in Baltimore sometimes.
MonicaPz : (12 December 2014 - 01:15 PM) Jen, it was great, and I can't wait!
jennifer38 : (12 December 2014 - 01:12 PM) I thank everybody who called into my telephone conference.  It was wonderful.  I feel good about talking to others and hearing their perspectives.  Lord willing, I will hold another one, soon.  The conference number and ID will always be the same.  I will let you all know when I plan to do this, again.  God bless you all.
JayPea25 : (12 December 2014 - 11:50 AM) Anyone in Baltimore!?
veronicabeta : (12 December 2014 - 12:16 AM) Dug the Vid Warren. T.Y.!
Bonnie : (11 December 2014 - 02:45 PM) Fun video, Warren, except for the ending.  The jumping while running hand in hand.  It is good to see a video like this though.  Thank you.
jennifer38 : (11 December 2014 - 11:41 AM) This is a reminder about my telephone conference, tomorrow afternoon at 3 EST.  Come out and enjoy yourself.  This is a general chat about our various transgender feelings and issues.  This is a great way to get to know one another better.  Details are in the calendar.  If you have any questions, please message me.  Hope to see you there, tomorrow.





Photo - - - - -

NEVER GIVEN A CHANCE TO BE THE REEAL ME

Posted by samanthachristine , 19 April 2012 · 302 views

new to the site here. guess the best way for others to know me till I get more pics up. make a blog of the things I have faced trying to become the person I have always felt I should be. still do till this day. lot of things may sound clecheish. but these things do pertain to me.
  on a nice cool monday morning there was a son born in houston texas. 8:00am in the morning. at a hospital which has been closed since then and now the herman hospital in houston. the year was june 24, 1968. time approximately 8:00am in the morning. young brian was born. some people can remember back to the day they were born. me I can remember back to about when I was four. that was when playing with my sister. playing with boys never felt so right.
  when playing with the boys the games and what not. never felt comfortable. at home playing with my sister in her room. felt more natural. now growing up my family. they are the family who believe that boys should be boys. and girls girls. not boys be girls.very set in their ways. there were many of times when with my sister I let her fix my hair. we played with the makeup when our parents were not around. when our parents caught us. they came down n me the most.
  even at that young age I have always felt like a sister. my mother a year after my sister was born was pregnant again but after 6 mon ths had a miscarriage. it was a lil girl. they tried again and then came their son. I always wonder if the child they lost was really supposed to be me. I was just given a second chance to be born. but was born in the wrong body. was the girl she miscarriage was that the true me. for I have always felt I should have been her.
  I grew up in a very country home. predujice was at a all time back then. someone like me ever was to be found out. could very possibly be in grave danger for being who she is. so whenever my parents were not around. I always dressed as the girl I knew I was.
  in school say like in physical education class. I was always uncomfortable about dressing in gym clothes in front of others. when we play team games. they would split the boys into two teams. one make them take their shirts off for skins. the other left their on for shirts. that always petrefied me the most to be on skins. always wanted to cover my chest. so flipped my shirt over my neck so every chance i had I could pull my shirt down.
  never really wore shorts cause shaved my leggs alot. and being a boy with shaved leggs was not right for a boy to have. I hated so much knowing I was getting body hair. I do have to admit the emotions I felt inside. I did give a thought or two. suicide but believed in god and made it through.
  I never had the attractions to girls like a boys should have. the emotions to girls was the emotions a girl would have. the new clothes that were out. fashions such as dresses, tops, pants and shoes. what kind of makeup was out and the latest perfume. things I only wish I could have. my parents never would get it and I was too young to buy.
  15 I got my first job. I was getting my own money. had my beginners permit to drive. father gave me his lil truck to drive. it was then I started to buy my clothes for the first time. couldn't buy many cause I had to keep them hid from my parents. my parents were not rich and always struggled with what they had. so if I wanted something. I had to get it myself.
  things had gotten complicated at home when I was 17. 3 months after school I was forced to leave by a choice I didn't want to make. when on my own. I started to buy more clothes. the high school I went to last made me cut my hair cause i always had long hair. I got my first wig at 17. I started to adventure out. live several places around close to home. moved back a couple of times. I started to hang out at a church for students at a major university they have in that town. I was catholic so did do alot for the church. one time I was back at home my mother found my clothes. all hell broke out. they took everything I had and got rid of it. they acted like I was possesed or something. took me to the priest at the church I was hanging out at. devastated me so much. my secret was out.
  my mom was getting rid of some of her clothes remember she asking me if there was something I wanted. she didn't mean it. I told her yes and she made sure I knew she was messing with my head when I was being serious. 2 weeks later moved out for good. never lived at the house again.
  I bought alot more clothes and makeup and started to take trips around town. never could go to public places still cause of the predujice all around. you had the typical country back woods rednecks. you had the infamous kkk which was very strong at the time. white supremisives, and the black panther and other black groups then.
  I moved to a town 65 miles away. seemed like everyday my parents were there. so being on my own never felt that way. the town I moved to did have a gay community. but still had to becareful what I did of all the other radcial groups. that was when I went to my first gay club and met robert.
  now in this town the gays were in a group all of their own. when I learn about drag queens, tv, and ts's. back then transgender wsn't in the dictionary I guess cause noone ever mentioned it.
  back to robert. I always had my idea of what or what I thought my life consited of. the club was called chances r. I sold things to clubs around town and so scared to death of this place cause going in there I never knew what to expect.
  I walk in with the girl I was replacing. when going they say always back then go with someone of the opposite sex. if not the gays would test you if they saw you were straight. first person I came up to was what I thought was a talking wall. his name was robert. 7' 6" 500lbs. we shook hands. lokk up at him. with his blue eyes he looked into my blue eyes with my knees trembling. he replied, you have really pretty eyes. my throat sunk in my stomach. he knew I was nervous then he whispered to me. he had my back. come to him and he would back me up. after that point. being in that kind of atmosphere I then felt like this is where I belong. watched the drag show and the others. felt like it was at a new home. this was where I belonged.
  somehow I got into the strip club scene. that was such a learning experince for me. seeing the girls naked never really affected me. I actually had talks with the girls like any other girls would have. I watch how they did makeup. how they did hair. for 20 years I worked those clubs and learn so much.
  whenever I wanted to spend time as female my parents always came around. got where it didn't still feel like I was away. so I moved to south texas. 400 miles away. I always did miss seeing them but kept in contact and visited when I could. going to south texas I had more chances to go out more. I was so happy.
  I know now when doing hrt. always go through a doctor. so I was ordering overline my female hormones and estrogen. and my steroid blockers. I always worked trying to make a living. all dead end job. had two good ft jobs but got laid off at both. parents always say need anything just call. yea right. when I did they gave me slack about it and lots of time never got it. my nephew was grown and he asked so much that when it came to me. it was always no. many of times I thought I was going to be homeless. I took the pills when I could. afford them that is.
  as time went on. started to hear the word transgender. so did alot of research on my own on the transgender community. got really familiar with it. for I was transgender but never had to income coming to pursue it. still as of 4/19/2012 I do struggle alot. I wish I won the lottery so I could do my hrt. I have already contacted a hospital in california for the srs. when that happens I would like the ffc as well. I am hoping to get implants this year so far. I have a psychiatrist lined out for my therapy. but she is like 25 miles away and the cost is alot for me on my income.
  the job I have now. I have tried to transition some but they won't see it. I can't really go against their rules even those it is against the law for denying what I am becoming. my skin is softer. hair is thicker but need to do so transplants to get it to grow right. at work all my under garments are females. bra, panties, etc. if I could know of a job they would let me transition and paid good with benefits I would go. but right now stuck here at this dead end job. so at work I have to portray my male side. but at home I live all female. the hospital in california said even if it is just at work I am not female but the rest of the time I am. after the therapy and year on hrt. they would do my srs for my. so when they said that it did give me more hope.
  I feel female. I live female. everything I do away from work is female. being female is the life I only know. so hopefully one day I will win the lottery and I can quit here and go ft as the women I feel inside. long time ago I was petrified going out in public. now its only natural for me.
  so the obstacle I have faced in life. the banishment from the parents. the predjudice of the many radcial groups. surviving everyday doing what came natural for me. thinking of my friends that are like me that didn't make it. I miss them everyday. helps make me stronger everyday.
  so if you ask me today what I am. I would reply transgender working on my transition. but with the obstacle I face with money and challenges with others. just takes so much longer.
  my biggest dream is this. when I die. I want to leave this world full female. I came in as male but always felt the body that was given to me wasn't the right one. the miscarriage my mother had. to me that was the body that was meant for me.
  I work hard everyday on my transition. and look for others girls, ts tv, and women that can except me for who I am and let me be me. as for men I would like to meet one one day. but he has to see me as me only. that is what is on the inside not the outside and treat ne with the highest respect that way.
  there is so much more about me than what is listed here. I could go on for days. even though it just seemed I did. I am always open for questions. cause I studied so much on my lifestyle. I never mind giving advice to others. only thing I regret in life. I wasn't more informed on the steps and was able to become a full women much earlier. my life is good. but if I could have transitoned earlier. I would have been so much happier.
  well hope this gives you the background of me and the challenges I had to face and stil have yet to come. feel free to ask anything. I am very open to all aspect of my life. I appreciate you all take the time and reading. hope you find what you seek when it comes to me.

samantha christine
( friends call me sammie)





samanthachristine
Apr 19 2012 04:28 PM
on the hrt. always do go to a doctor. back then never knew that. even though I do have b cup breasts. soft skin and emotional like any other girl .all from the ones I have taken. always go through a doctor for your hrt
  • Report

December 2014

S M T W T F S
 123456
78910111213
141516171819 20
21222324252627
28293031   

Recent Entries

Recent Comments

Categories