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DianeChambers : (20 September 2014 - 11:11 PM) Just saying hello
carlly : (20 September 2014 - 09:26 PM) Sat in my bedroom staring at 4 outfits and 6 pair of heels . I can't explain why I feel so hot and horny. Just choosing what to wear . I put my bra on first pad it out then I tape my man thing and sack up put ob my sexy knickers  . Choose my wig put it in use double sided tape to keep it in place.  Then I apply my make up (applying make up is my favourite part of dressing up). Little squert of perfume . Then off out to get cock
DianeChambers : (20 September 2014 - 12:32 PM) Hey just like that I am here.
Tommiebefree : (19 September 2014 - 05:29 AM) this morning I really let the female energies flow and it felt GREAT!
Naughtynatas... : (18 September 2014 - 11:57 AM) Evening
Gennee : (16 September 2014 - 06:59 PM) Hello, Naughty.
MonicaPz : (16 September 2014 - 02:10 PM) Welcome, Catskillgirl and Naughtynatashyxx!
BenFriday : (16 September 2014 - 09:49 AM) How did it do TJDavies? PM me?
Naughtynatas... : (16 September 2014 - 12:29 AM) I'm new here, hey guys
Tommiebefree : (15 September 2014 - 05:46 AM) Welcome cattskillgirs and WarrenG. I'm pretty new here also and the people here are geat.
Lori : (14 September 2014 - 05:14 PM) Hi catskillgirl - Welcome!  :)
catskillgirl : (14 September 2014 - 04:07 PM) Hi new here just joined
TJDavies : (14 September 2014 - 01:50 PM) So, I came out to my Father today.
MonicaPz : (14 September 2014 - 10:05 AM) Warren, the people here are kind, gentle and sensitive.  You need not fear being mistreated here.  You are in the right place.
WarrenG : (12 September 2014 - 09:04 PM) Sort of new, dont know many others of my particular situation so go easy on me lol
Tommiebefree : (11 September 2014 - 12:43 PM) I worked in those buildings in the early years in the '70's-sold flowers in lower lobby. god bless the first responders
MonicaPz : (11 September 2014 - 10:48 AM) Robin, thank you for reaching out to your sisters!
MonicaPz : (11 September 2014 - 10:45 AM) Gennee, this is my first shout out.  Took years for me to recover from 9/11.  Still affects me.  Lucky no family/friends involved.
Gennee : (11 September 2014 - 08:34 AM) Today's the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks.
Tommiebefree : (11 September 2014 - 08:34 AM) robin how will assist?





Photo - - - - -

This Isn't a Phallacy

Posted by Anndy , 23 July 2012 · 399 views

{A Word to the Wise: the last time I wrote a blog was for a class about the Social Net in which we read Gregory Ulmer and were introduced to his "puncept;" therefore, I apologize in advance for my frequent use of puncepts in my writing. And while we're on that topic, I apologize for my terrible writing, period.}


I suppose this is my introduction, and despite my ability to write a mean essay (present thesis excluded), I'm really rather horrible at writing about myself. Anyway, I imagine that my story isn't unlike most of your stories... although I tend to imagine that most of you are much further along your trans* journey (my therapist calls this projection, I believe). The first time I remember thinking I was boy rather than a girl was in kindergarten when all the boys got to be loud and fun and the girls were expected to jumprope or whatever it was that girls were supposed to do. I never did it.


But this story really starts a number of years later, when I was 14 (15? the years are blurred thanks to PTSD, but that's another subject all together). I spent a lot of my younger years on dial-up AOL pretending to be a guy: first a straight guy, then a gay guy. For a while there I was extremely obsessed with gay guys, and my "bff" at the time, Ro, was a gay guy (unfortunately he was/is in deep denial about this). He was the first person I came out to. "I want to be a gay guy." (I probably confessed this to him during one of our makeout sessions on my grandfather's golf cart--I was a wild child *insert sarcasm here*.) Being the kind of friend he was (and the kind of mom I had, who thought all my friends were hers as well), he told her my secret. I grew up in an ultraconservative part of South Carolina and my mother, of course, was slightly disturbed at this new information. Give her some credit, it was 2001, and even though I have these fantasies about going back and coming out at a younger age, the truth is, it was a totally different time then. So, she swept me off to a therapist.


Depression.


Social Anxiety.


And the biggie...


Borderline Personality Disorder.


My life from then on was defined by this diagnosis. I got away with dressing like a guy for a long time because I was goth in high school, which, oddly enough, my mom loved. Things changed when she died in 2006. My mother never knew me as the daughter she always wanted (in fact, she lost 2 daughters: a miscarriage before I was born, and me... the odd, in-between daughter). To cope with her death, I became the person I thought she wanted me to be. Ultra girly. Happy to go shopping, polish my nails, play with babies, or whatever it was that I thought defined the feminine.


I still played boy online. It was my only escape.


It used to be that you only ever heard of MTF trans*people. In the months after my mother died (I remember this clearly because I was living with my dad) I ordered a copy of "The Big Gay Book of Erotica" or something. The last story was about a transman. What? (I'm imagining Jack Skellington singing "What is This?!") So there it was. I was a FTM. It took me 5 years to accept that. And here I am.


And I will leave you with some lyrics from Jack's Lament. Because I can.


Oh, somewhere deep inside of these bones
An emptiness began to grow
There's something out there, far from my home
A longing that I've never known.


And finally... I'm Anndy.






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