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This room is a mess, and i still need a job
Posted by
Aenon
,
19 April 2011
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32 views
I really think I lost it this morning probably because I've been off my estrogen for a week(intending renew prescription soon). But coming into this room I saw only things contaminated with the past. Things that made me angry, or only reminded me of who I was trying to escape. Rather then taking the rational “im the walking away route.” I ignored the option ripped piece of masculine clothing off the hangers even broke a few in a fit of rage I screamed in random protest of growls and liberating grunts covering every inch of my room with fabric. An made plans to go out with friends this week end to burn it. But even though I made this intended progress what to do I do next. Do I really burn though I think this idea is best this is who I need to be to the point of being assured . I want to eventually have to have another day in some kind of work force . Because being paid out of some type of Tax break loop hole, or stealing to get medication is eventually gonna run out. Is it really possible I can justifiably lie on a application and say im just a woman with out the background checks,id's or body examination's to prove the otherwise so soon?Times like this I really miss college or times i really wish i had much more interest in suicide so i didn't have to consider all this.
Here's a HUGG first. Now sit down and let's talk about things.
I'm very sorry that you had to interrupt your HRT. That fit of anger could be tied to a surge of testosterone or the dip in estrogen or both. However, the non-thinking parts of it are definitely a concern to me.
I don't know many facts, Aenon, so I will make a lot of guesses here.
You're a recent college grad and haven't yet found a full-time job. You wish you could snap your fingers, twitch your nose or blink and it would all be alright. Won't happen. The magic is in what we _can_ and _actually_ do, not in wishing or spells. You see a dark place coming and can't seem to stop it.
You mustn't fill out an application incorrectly. If you are found out, a fraud charge is the least of the consequences. You must apply and interview in the mode that will best provide for your health, now and in the future. If that is en homme, you must wear apparel that is not feminine. If you rip up and burn what's in your closet, can you afford to replace it? Likely, no, IMO.
I wish I could offer more, but you need to take a step back into reality before you can step forward on the journey.
HUGG and luv