The Reality of Being a Transsexual
By Cindy D. Keranen
I am often asked what I would do differently if I had the choice to do it all over again. This is a powerful question and its one I have pondered many times. Looking back I made so many mistakes and it has cost me so much in terms of heartache. I wish I would’ve done so much differently.
When I decided to become a, “fulltime woman” I could not have known just how difficult it would be. I was working a good job; it paid well and the hours were great. I was commonly complimented on my work ethic and praised constantly over my ability to get things done. Before I, “came out” no one knew what I was and I made the mistake of talking to my supervisor about becoming fulltime. I informed him I was getting my name legally changed and I would look very different when I reported for work. He assured me I would have no issue; I would learn this simply wouldn’t be true in the end.
When I first came out I wasn’t very passable. My makeup was horrible, my breasts were silicone forms, and I was very odd looking for a West Texas girl. I dressed as any other, and my mannerisms were feminine enough, but my features were not well hidden. The awkwardness of my appearance was only further enhanced with the fact I was wearing high color shirts. I wasn’t able to show any cleavage because my breasts were forms. My voice was feminine, my mannerisms were feminine, but it was not a secret what I was.
When I came out I was harassed, debased, humiliated, and made fun of by my coworkers who made a habit of calling me by my birth name and also sir. To make matters worse, management was only not supportive as they said they would be, but they apart of it. Ultimately, when I was threatened by a coworker and I physically confronted him my employment was terminated. This would be an issue over and over again.
I applied to jobs time and time again. Because it took me some time to get my makeup down and also because I was wearing long sleeve shirts with high collars in the summer time, I was unable to find a job. When I was hired and subsequently discovered, I was terminated because of the other employee’e uneasiness with my situation.
There I was, unable to revert to being a man and unable to find gainful employment as a woman. I have been fulltime for almost two years now and still I have been unable to even start my HRT regiment. I am only passable now because I have taken the stand of, “I don’t care anymore what you think” and my confidence and makeup skills compensate for any doubts. I am no closer to now to the end of my transformation then I was two years ago. I shower with my eyes closed, I shave in the shower, and I apply my foundation in total darkness. I don’t open my eyes until it’s at least applied. I hate my body; it isn’t mine, and trying to fix the issue is proving all too difficult.
So, my advice to anyone considering becoming a fulltime transsexual woman is this; take your time, get your ducks in a row, and be prepared to find new employment. Save your money, get going good on HRT, and most of all get good with the application of your, “war paint”. Be prepared; don’t make the mistakes I did. If I would’ve stayed, “in the closet” only another six months, I would have had my breast augmentation and the money for my SRS. (I was 3 weeks away from my breast surgery when I was fired and one paycheck). Be sure you are passable, and be prepared for a long and difficult road.
I am almost 33 years old and there is little hope I will ever have my surgeries in time to be young enough to ever enjoy all the benefits of being a woman in our society. Please, be prepared!
There was once a salesman who went to work one morning to see where he could go to make a sale. He walks into the office and starts studying the map. It isn't long before he spots an area all others previously overlooked. So he gets into his car and heads out for the unknown; he has always been successful so why should this be any different. He gets out in the middle of nowhere and eventually gets lost. As the sun sets he decides to look for a gas station or some other sign of life to seek directions. As dawn turns to night, his fear sets in. To make matters worse his cars stalls; he creeps to the side of the road and turns on his hazard lights. He sits there, thinking about his situation and trying to figure out a solution. He thinks, "well someone will come by, see me and help me". So he waits; one hour turns to two, two to three, and ultimately he realizes he needs to find help on foot. He exits his car and starts walking. It isn't long before he sees a light in the distance and thinks, "great! It's a house and they will have a phone I can call for help with". He gets to the house and knocks on the door. After a few pounds on the door, a small framed and fragile looking farmer opens the door and asked, "can I help you". The salesman explains his situation and asks the farmer if he can borrow a phone to call a tow truck. The farmer says, "I don't have a phone but you're welcome to sleep on the couch until morning and I'll give you a ride to town". The farmer says there is but one condition; he says, "under no circumstances are you to touch the Itty Bitty, Teeny Weeny, Pretty Purple Monkey". So the salesman reluctantly agrees as its now pouring rain and his options are limited. Besides, there is no such thing anyway; the farmer must be old and senile, but probably harmless nonetheless. So the farmer brings out some blankets and a pillow and directs the salesman to the sofa. He then returns to his room via the staircase. The salesman tosses and turns as he cannot help but wonder about this so called, "Itty Bitty, Teeny Weeny, Pretty Purple Monkey". He goes to the farmers bedroom door and knocks; the farmer answers and says, "what is it now?". The salesman says he can't sleep and is overwhelmed with curiosity about this supposed creature and begs the farmer to show him the mythical beast. The farmer reluctantly agrees just he can get some sleep. So they go down stairs after the farmer grabs the keys from the door post. The farmer moves the sofa, rips up the floor boards and they go through the trap door. They come to a snake pit and swing acrossed it by two ropes. They walk a few feet and they come to an alligator pit. The farmer pulls across the rope bridge and they walk across it too. They now come to a red door, followed by a blue door, and then a white door and a green door. They must unlock each door but sure enough, after the last door, they come to a giant cage. In the midst of this giant cage is a little tiny cage, and held within the little tiny cage is an Itty Bitty, Teeny Weeny, Pretty Purple Monkey. The salesman says, "I'll be damned; it does exist". The salesman now satisfied they depart and exit the green door, the white door, the red door and the blue door. They walk across the rope bridge, swing back across the snake pit, go through the trap door and replace the floor boards and carpet. They replace the sofa as well. The farmer goes to his room and salesman lays back down on the couch. The salesman again finds himself unable to sleep as he feels sorry for the little Itty Bitty, Teeny Weeny, Pretty Purple Monkey who is all alone in that cold, dark, and confined cage. He sneaks into the farmers room, steals the keys, and goes back down stairs. He moves the sofa, rips up the floor boards and goes through the trap door. He comes to the snake pit and swings across. He walks a few feet and comes to the alligator pit and pulls across the rope bridge and walks across it too. He goes through the red door, followed by the blue door, and then the white door and the green door. He comes to the giant cage and the little tiny cage, and sees the Itty Bitty, Teeny Weeny, Pretty Purple Monkey. The salesman just barely sticks his finger through the tiny cage and ever so lightly touches but one hair on the Itty Bitty, Teeny Weeny, Pretty Purple Monkey's head and thinks, "yeah, see that's not so bad". All of the sudden the Itty Bitty, Teeny Weeny, Pretty Purple Monkey starts to grow! He's so big now he bursts out of the tiny cage! The salesman, realizing he's in trouble, starts running and screaming! The monkey is now massive and giving chase!!! The salesman goes through the green door, the white door, the red door and the blue door! He runs across the rope bridge over the alligator pit and swings over the snake pit! He leaps through the trap door and throws the floor boards back and the carpet too and launches the coach over the port! He thinks, "whew! That was close!". All of the sudden this no longer Itty Bitty, Teeny Weeny, Pretty Purple Monkey slams up through the floor; it's now 12 feet tall and has snarling fangs and is drooling all over the place! It's beating it's chest and making monstrous noises!!! The salesman screams and heads out the door! The farmer is watching through the window and quietly says, "I told not to touch the Itty Bitty, Teeny Weeny, Pretty Purple Monkeeeeey!". The salesman runs to his car with all he's got and gets in...he tries to start the car but it just won't start! Now this beast is right up on him and it's smashing and thrashing the car, now trapping the salesman inside! The gorilla peels off the top of the car and just barely sticks his finger through while the salesman cowers. The giant monkey barely touches but one hair on the salesman's head and says, "tag; your it"
So, I'm driving in the middle of nowhere Montana the other night. It was dark as the clouds were thick and the overcast was low. It was 3am and all of the sudden I see these brights lights; they are so bright I can't see anything at all! Then, my truck dies! I check my phone to se if I can call for help, but it too is dead to the world, right long with my watch. Everything is dead! The next thing I know I am floatiing outside of my truck and drifting onto this huge ship which is just quietly hovering in the sky. I am unable to move; its like i am paralyzed. After being probed and experimented upon, I began to figure it all out.
Come to discover, they WERE ALIENS! The ILLEGAL kind; they were driving a green 1772 Chevy van with mag wheels, fuzzy dice in the mirror, and shag carpet on the roof!!! ROFLMAO!!!