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Civilisation is a beautiful creation of man kind. It has given us culture bigger than the world we see and it has educated us and made us a refine and sophisticated individuals. Civilisation has also educated us and has become an authority that had given us a clear code of what is good and what is right. Unfortunately, most of the things that do not conform to how the acceptable majority are considered to be bad. To be different in our civilised society is a very challenging existence. Everyday, we encounter events where we are stigmatised and marginalised even humiliated.

I have noticed however based on my first hand experiences that those guys who bully me or those who are very outspoken on their hate both verbally and physically are those guys who actually who finds people like us desirable. Hate and love are almost in one sphere. We cannot hate so intensely a person we do not love and vice versa. How true is it that the more they hate us, the more they desire us? Why do they show remorse towards ladyboys, while we are just minding our own business? And if it is true that what they actually feel for us is more a desire than hate, why show us hate then? Are they afraid to admit the fact that they find us attractive and would love to be intimate with us? Are they afraid to be stigmatised by the society when they have an association with us? Does civilisation had deprived us to be truly true to ourselves, our feelings and our community?

Allow me to invite you to visit my blog entry as I try to deal with this very difficult questions of our existence vis-a-vis the society we live in. Please click this link: for the article on my blog at LADYBOY MIRROR.

I would like to invite you to read this blog entry I found today here at Transgender Blogs. I a very profound and yet concise way, the author has been able to demonstrate the complexity of transgenderism, identities and sexual orientation. Life is nto black and white.

Hello to everyone

Now - how do I introduce myself? What labels/descriptions/terminolgy do I use? Gender and gender identity is so complex and individual that sometimes none of the prepaid labels seem to fit.

First of all, "Ben Verona" is not my real name, but I guess many people here use a pseudonymn. On the face of it I'm a 64 year old man living in England. Here's the first stumbling block - your image of "64" might conjure up the word "old". Well - I don't feel "old" but I am also entirely comfortable with my age. I'm far more at one with myself than I was when I was 30.

So - I'm biologically male but for many years I have identified more with my feminine psychological aspects than with my masculine ones. However, over the last ten years I have become increasingly conscious that I also have a female (as opposed to feminine) aspect that has lain dormant for most of my life and who increasingly demands recognition.

I want to say clearly that I am quite comfortable with this and that my gender identity causes me no distress. I regard myself as lucky to have an ambivalent gender identity and I celebrate it. If I had been biologically female then my life would have been different and maybe I would have been more "cisgender". That said, I do not wish to transition. I have total support and great respect for those who do transition but that is not my pathway.

This is because I have an identification with both genders and also with something (I'm unclear just what it is!) that is outside the gender binary. My gender identification is very fluid - it can move from male to female and back and rest anywhere along the connecting line and can do so in a matter of hours or even minutes.

For this reason I also feel that the term "transgender" doesn't quite fit, though I feel at one with those for whom it does fit. "Bigender" or "androgyne" are nearer the mark as they imply that I am both male and female simultaneously. "Gender fluid" is the closest I've got so far, though I do wonder whether others hear the term as I understand it.

My main outward expression of my female persona is to cross dress in private. So I am a "crossdresser" in some respect but then, once I put on "female" clothes I have entered my female identity so it could be said that I am no longer "crossdressed"! I'll explore that a bit more in the Crossdressers' forum.

I am "out" with maybe half a dozen friends about my gender fluidity but I don't yet feel ready to be "out" in public. Maybe coming here is a step in that direction.

So - I'm open to dialogue with anyone here but I'm especially interested in talking to those who, like me, have a fluid gender identity. Hello to you all!


Finally, I have been able to take the first huge step. No matter how easy or difficult a certain task is, taking the first step is the most difficult part. Somehow, I always find it difficult to begin the plan I have made. In the past, I have had wonderful plance, but the first action to realise the plan has been very challenging. Just like the first step of participating actively here at Transgender Guide.

I have encountered the TRANSGENDER GUIDE already for almost two years. As I checked the site, I was already impressed with its objective and vision. I thought, finally, somebody had the initiative to build a (virtual) community where our image is portrayed to be totally different than stereotypes in society today. This is very few of the sites today that ladyboys are not portrayed in a sexual way.

Today, I have taken few steps to participate actively in this community. It took me almost two years. Every time i see the twits of TTG, i thought, ahh.. tomorrow I will improve my profile and contents there. It took me two years of delaying.

Today, no excuse. Here is my first blog entry. You will also find that I have posted my first Photo Album. I have updated my profile. I hope, soon enough, that I will have new friends, new comments, and most of all, I am hoping that through this platform, I will find belongingness. I pray that I might find a place where I will not feel, I am different.

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