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About this blog

This blog is dedicated to telling those who read the entries about my journey in hopes that something can be learned. 

Entries in this blog

 

Dealing with law enforcement

I have was not always smart when going out in female mode in that I would wear clothing that the average female would not in a specific locale i.e. high heels and a short shirt when out for a stroll and would indeed draw attention to myself from all works of life in my younger days. From lots of reading on Internet forums it would appear I was not alone with these dressing habits. What turned me around was enlisting the service of a consultant that schooled me in how to dress and feel good about how I was dressed for whatever the occasion. For instance, when out shopping where I use to wear short shirts I swapped out for skinny jeans or a knee length skirt out for dinner and reserved short skirts for hot weather with flats rather than high heels.   I noticed that I felt more at ease when out in female mode, still got looks from people around me but not from the clothes I wore, instead the whole package. As I became more confident, I expanded where I would go. A good example, I get up early in the morning as my workday begins at 5 AM and would get up by (yes this surprises many) 3:30 AM. Well several years ago, I started taking walks around a rather large block and never had any issues with LEO (Law Enforcement) as they seemed to not patrol in this area at this time of the morning. In recent months that changed and was stopped by an officer who did not know I was not female until I told him as I presented my driver’s license and concealed handgun permit.  He explained to me why I was stopped, not many people are out at this time in the morning so I was out of place no matter my gender.   So from the start of my time with the officer I kept my hands in plain sight and for the most part kept direct eye contact with him and answered all question just enough to get by, not long and drawn out replies. I could tell he believed me and was not a bad experience at all. Several days later I was out walking again and he rolled up as I was walking down the street, he did not come to a complete stop at first , rolled down his windows and said “I see you do walk at the same time every morning” and also said he saw me the day before and was looking out for me. Next time he simply drove by.    Next time was a different officer who was parked in a company’s parking lot, this time it was a female officer and she just waved.   Now my reason for writing the above is that I know that many people like me might wonder how they might handle this type of situation but I am also guessing many will not take the first step because they are afraid of what an officer might do to them. If you present yourself dressed as, any other female would in a similar situation the officer will more likely see you as a normal person rather than someone out looking to get picked up for sex or casing the area to rob someone. I have met enough police officers in my years of teaching self-defense to know how they think and cannot emphasize enough that you need to be dressed correctly, have some confidence in your role you are dressed in. This is for many much harder to take that first step because minds will think “he/she can arrest me” or they will stop you close to home and neighbors will see this and you are not out to your neighbors. Why mention this? Because I was stopped once on my block and a neighbor came out to see what was going on. Did it bother me? Heck no but someone else might be devastated.   Now a days I look back at all of this and simply look at these experiences kind of like going to school. The consular was worth every penny I spend learning how to dress, walk and talk.   

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

 

Breast augmentation

I am scheduled for breast augmentation on May 20, 2015. Had my pre-operation appointment today where they went over the highlights from my initial consultation several weeks ago along with what they want me to do the week of surgery and the weeks following surgery. After the appointment I handed over my prescriptions to the pharmacy so they are ready for me well in advance. Specifics, I was interested in a B cup but with their measuring system looks like I will have C cup. Guess I will need to get over not having a smaller size as I am leaving my fate to the surgeon as when I question him about the size he said that he has used this measuring system on thousands of people and only had two people saying they thought that the size was slightly too large. Eating prior to surgery, I told the surgeon that since surgery was at noon and that they did not want me to eat after midnight that beings I have a different schedule that most people could I have coffee first thing in the morning. He said if I asked the anesthesiologist would say no coffee but he said if it’s only black coffee he is fine and if they asked if I had anything to say no LOL. I have my best female friend coming to the hospital with me then staying with me for three days, maybe four. Since she does not drive her son is driving her down to my place and back as I will be in no shape to drive 40 minutes each way. I have another friend who lives close by will be bringing me lattes from my favorite coffee place, he is a firearms instructor who teaches with me.

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

 

You can make this stuff up

In my elementary school days there was a bully who would tease me, "hey sissy" or "hey little girl" to no end. When one day a new boy came to class and while walking home the bully started on me and the new boy intervened by knocking the bully on his butt. I remained really good friends with the new kid until several years after high school then reconnected with him on Facebook several years ago. I started counting down the days to GRS but would only post on Facebook that I was heading to California for surgery. He asked (on Facebook) what I was going in for? I said (get this) nothing major and left it at that. I forget when but I changed my name and gender on Facebook say in February. Did not hear a peep from him in regards to direct communications. Yesterday he posted a video about a senior citizen shooting at a criminal and I responded. He then said, "How is Kevin doing?" I said he is decease then he asked when. So I told him Kevin died and Karen was born. He could not believe it and thought I may have hijacked Kevin's account so he asked me three questions that I should know from 40 years ago, answered them and he was then convinced. He said I should call sometime to caught up on things and I told him I will be there in the Spring. So while this is going on another friend of mine (and his) must had missed out on my transition because he went through my photos and "liked" one of them. Any ways I find it interesting that these two friends did not caught on and I even wrote a post on my gender change, In regards to the picture, this is how he sees me and is me at a local shooting range I believe back in 2007 doing my Clint type of look, bad ass. For the record there is a full size 1911 pistol on my hip and a revolver in my left front pocket in a pocket holster and a pistol on my right ankle. Okay, I hear your wheels churning in your heads so a little explanation is in order for newcomers. I did executive protection for 10 years, was on call for this, worked with local PD and taught self-defense for 13 years. Have been at both ends of the muzzle of a firearm and survived but can not say that for the bad guys. I tend not to discuss this too much as this is one thing I lost when I transitioned and hope someday to regain at least the teaching part.   This was a hot day, had body armour under my shirt. 
 

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

 

Phase II

Thought I would disclose my current plans for me in regards to making changes I thought about first then acted on. There were no rushed decisions, all well planned out beforehand. Phase one was gender reassignment surgery and breast augmentation. Phase II current to end of February The Fraxel Experience: laser treatments not only improve the look of your skin, but it will improve the health of your skin and the strength of your skin by encouraging collagen turn over and proliferation. Your skin will become more like it was in your earlier years, and after about a month, it will feel better when touched. I had three sessions done as of yesterday. I don't see a huge difference but a handful of people (whom I did not tell them I had this done) said I looked younger or, there is something different about you. I will say that this is a painful procedure on the nose and upper lip but worth it since people do notice a difference. I plan on doing this once a year. Fillers for cheeks, this was done last week. Did not notice a difference until a week later and this gave me a huge smile. This needs to be done every three months. Botox for upper lip, done last week too. After the first week I am seeing changes everyday for the better. Voice lessons begin end of January, have four sessions set. Hypnosis to enforce what I learn with voice lesson. The practitioner said one session was enough after my consultation. I asked if having a session before and after would help, she said yes so my first session (two hours) is this Monday.  On the Frazel, botox and fillers I received great discounts. I used them two years ago for my permanent cosmetics for eyebrows and got a discount then too which they do in December.  Phase III (last one) is planned for March which is a brow lift. Same surgeon that did my breast. After breast augmentation I said no more surgeries but after a discussion with the surgeon who did a follow up on my breast three weeks ago indicated I could benefit from a brow lift yet admitted I was fine without one but would improve my female appearance. Admittedly I could easily not do any of the above in regards to phase 2 and 3 but I feel they will make me a tad better. I always stress when getting procedures done to not over do it, make me look natural, not fake.     

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

 

Love this line

I was on another site for trans and cross-dressers and read the following line. The problem is that you can only hold beach ball under water in the deep end of the pool for so long. It eventually will slip out of your hands and rise to the surface. It will probably also hit your chin and hurt you on its way. That is a great line when at least thinking of myself prior to surgery and I am betting many before and after surgery can relate to this. Think I was just about there for the chin shot but happily avoided it. If you have done research for many it's a sledge hammer early on before having much life experience which can lead to dark thoughts and physical pain while others will endure until no matter how much of an effort is put forth the ball comes up.     

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

 

Current events

Yesterday I am walking up to my work area, a woman stops me and ask if she didn’t mind me asking a personal question. Since I have only seen her (there are over 1,000 employees) and not worked with her I figured it’s one of the following stock questions, where did you purchase your shoes or something along the line of transitioning. My perspective was if it’s about my transition (which nobody has mentioned in over eight months) it’s fine as she seems like a good person. After saying yes to her question said I looked familiar but was unsure from where. Then she says, were you once male? I said yes. She then asked if she could hug me and I said yes and she did. Then she says I looked gorgeous which I thanked her for the compliment.  She did say if I had said I was always female her next question would had been, do you have a brother or other family member working here as she was not certain on if I was once male. We chit-chatted for a few minutes but the subject of transitioning has passed and onto weather and the little things in life. Next up, I have joined another transgender site, Susan’s Place several months ago and this week was asked to become part of their staff which I accepted. It’s not that Susan’s Place is better than this site (TGuide) but felt the need to move on from here, at least for a while. Just keep in mind that this site (TGuide) is like no other trans site on the web and you should be proud to be here. What I have seen during my time here is a tight nit family of likeminded people who support each other and my wish is for that to keep going. In closing, I hope everyone here is moving forward on their journey and enjoying life. I know not everyone can say they are progressing and for those my wish for those who are not find some peace in their daily life.        

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

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