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About this blog

Stuff that makes me think & what I'm experiencing. & we call it life.

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Michel hereNever knowing if I shouldnt fight for my rights or if I should be a helpless damsel in distress. But I could never even give the perception of being helpless. Foolish at times, but not helpless.Got 9 more days on the lower level of hormones, and then the new beginnings will come on a higher level. Hope that the increase would give me the better part of not getting anymore migraines.I'm currently in that funk of solidarity. Yes, the 8 day migraine made me want to be left alone as it had the probability of 85% that I would end up with the pain dulling my senses by taking away my vision, which would end in me either having to sleep over or hoping that I get home safely.On a lighter note, seeing that I dont have anyone to play with or satisfying me. I now need to play with my own breast, yes my own boobs because I scare the crap out of men! How can a 5'8, 125Lbs female be scary. Okay Cynthia Rothrock is shorter and lighter and oh so scary if people know that she is a capable, more than capable of kicking the mens behinds without to much struggle.Now who wouldnt want to love my flat stomach. Do I care if my prime real estate isnt being picked up by any guys that view me as a good possibility. But I dont want another woman's man. As happiness cant be built on someone elses misery.

Open but closed

By Michel,

Michel here. (Yes pronounced Michele)

I should say I loved my name from the beginning, because I'm super glad my mom gave it to me as a child. Now how many can say that they were so lucky. Unlucky in the sense that everyone tried to change my name into a musculine form, and all that I was showing was this young girl, that didnt care much for their thoughts on who I should be.

Okay, I learnt some martial arts as a kid, but firearms were more my thing. More like weapons, any weapon was and is fun to me. Not to mention cars, make up, modelling and performing with my friends. I was for all my female friends learning how to defend themselves. So we learnt how to defend ourselves, but if we go out these days, the girls and some of the guys still look to me as their protector. That just sounds wrong, protectress! Like Xena I hope.

Well my friends knew before my family that I was going to start HRT, but the worst part was that evrything was high. Testosterone was way above that of even a body builder, and Oestrogen was high enough to cancel out what damage the Testosterone could've done to my girlish figure and body. My 125Lbs, 5'8 body wouldn't have been the same. My doc decided Oestrogen only for the first year, but all that did was give me the sensation that my breast were growing but only decreasing my under bust section and my waist. It increased my hips &#smiling smurky face#, but it also increases my testosterone.

We ended up deciding to take a months break from HRT to figure out how to deal with all this, and returned with a light dose of Oestrogen plus the blockers. It's three months now after the return to hormones. I'm happier again, and only realized that without hormones, I'm the nastiest person on earth. What I dont like about the blockers though, is that it makes me pee like a pregnant woman, and my migraines returned which became lighter and almost went away with Oestrogen, so that was my miracle drug. Now we are increasing my Oestrogen in the hopes that it would do the same thing again, as puberty was the initial start off point for my migraines. And this first heavy migraine is currently for more then 7 days. #crying face#

What I'll be focusing on will be how my hormones are treating me emotionally and physically, but also how these changes affects how other police members are going to view one of their own changing in front of their eyes. Seeing that I'm the first South African police member to stand up for my right in terms of our constitution and other laws. I wont be going into detail about the laws, as they even bore the hell out of me. But this is a fight I was most probably trained for as a child to take on, because I always wanted people to be treated fairly, no matter what their race, gender, nationality, religion, or sexual preferences. Your hygiene affects me, so if it comes to you touching me and you are unsanitary, I will open my mouth about it to you.

Hope that this 34year old trans female doesn't make life to difficult for me or anyone around me. My intentions are purely for everyone to be treated fairly and with dignity, because we have equal amounts of rights to live, breath and survive in this world with medical benefits that doesnt just benefit one but all.

Till my next

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