Dysphoria was hitting hard today. Has been for the past few days, actually. Although today while I were at the store, someone in the line behind me called me Sir which was awesome. But it was too hard to enjoy it when I were in pain. I refuse to go anywhere anymore because it hurts...I cant wear my binder anymore. My chest size has AGAIN gone up. Bumping me from a DD to a DDD size. I'll admit, its soul crushing. It made me want to curl up in a ball and cry until it eventually killed me. It hurts
When it comes to being transgendered, it's not just an inside confession or a validation of yourself in your own mind, but it's an outward expression. It's a chance to take your gender that you were born with on the outside, and throw it in your trashcan, light that ***** on fire and say "Good Riddance"
But sometimes it's not as easy to figure out how to do that when it comes to clothes.
If you spent your life like me, wandering the Girls section at walmart and curling your nose at all the pin
Ok so I figured I'd start out by jumping right into my pool of angry venting and oblivious flailing. Sort of like a seagull who just witnessed some scumbag stealing "his" crumb. You ever watched a seagull in a McDonalds parking lot, when someone throws a french fry and some other gull grabs it? He's all "AAAAAH!!! YOU SCUMBAGGGG!! I SAW DAT FIRST, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! YOU-oh, hey, that hooman has another one!?"
That's how I imagine it anyway.
Well let's start off with today, and I'l
I cant help but feel slightly offbalanced knowing that I haven’t posted a blog in a while, and that my last blog was rather…eh, how to put it…..rabid? Furious? Either way, I’m not entirely proud of it and I apologize for the negative ranting that you all so lovingly put up with. Sometimes we just got to get it out of our systems I guess. No worries though, today’s is less snapping teeth and clenched fists. Today is sort of just a wander around and poking at flowers while caving in anthills type
So today I made very slight progress, though it put me in a bad mood all day and made things very disappointing.
After exchanging very brief emails with the plastic surgeon center at the nearest large hospital in my area, I finally decided to call them and get a quick estimate on what I'd be looking at for a top surgery plus anything else that may or may not be required.
To be honest, I'm not sure exactly what I was hoping for.
It's not like they'd start giggling like the littlest elf and off
So I cannot remember if I mentioned it or not, but my state just VERY recently approved the law which allows transgender folks to get a piece of paper signed by their doctors for their GENDER IDENTITY and bring it to their local DMV, to legally and without any further need for verification, CHANGE their gender on their drivers license Now, IMMEDIATELY when I found out about it I ran to the local library and paid the 50cents to print out a copy, and ran it to my doctor while pleasantly asking th
So apparently the horrible pain I've been in the past two weeks has a simple answer. Breasts. I have damaged my Trapezius muscle in my shoulder (middle and lower fibers) from a heavy chest and damaged spine. Yet my problems are still "Cosmetic" and they dont want to lift a damn finger or spare a dime to help me. Thanks.... I'm just so done... Oh yeah, and my plans for the ocean for my birthday, the ONLY thing I've been looking forward to for WEEKS....cancelled. Due to massive rain. I think God/G
I was super excited for this time of year at one point, but now I'm realizing more and more that I'm dreading it deep down inside. Nothing I recieve will be for 'Ren' or 'Warren', but all for 'Kristy'. It hurts and it makes me want to avoid christmas altogether. I've been fighting constantly with my mother just to get visitation with my lil sibling Kai for christmas, as was promised. It has turned into chaos to get her to let her come over, and to be honest shes pissing me off. Finally, after Ka
Ah, it's me again, you're good ol' pal Warren I apologize for not having blogged lately, but I had no inspiration to want to nor the time and ambition. I miss blogging, to be honest. But I didnt feel like I had anything to talk about.
Tonight I figured I'd share what I'd been up to.
Well, first of all, my court date for my name change is this Monday the 16th. YAY! So excited
I bought myself a nice shirt, pants, and A TIE!!! I've never worn one but I'm super excited! I'll post a picture of m
Whats all ya'll, hows it going? Not too much going on over here, pretty uneventful which is pretty good considering what could be going on Though I'll admit that this week has been pretty harsh on me for somewhat unreasonable reasons. Death of celebreties usually ends up being over publisized and over thought of and etc, and a lot of people just get so sick and tired of hearing about a star who passed away. But to people like me, who never really attached themselves to people near them and inst
Tuesday, Again.
By now you've figured out (most likely) that Tuesday is my Therapy day.
I'll be honest that therapy has not been as horrible as I had imagined it to be, and honestly it kind of feels good to sit there and just talk. We dont even have to talk about anything important, really. But knowing that what I say wont really leave her office, and we're by ourselves...it allows me to open up and talk freely. It's really nice, and I end up leaving with a weight off my shoulders.
Not say
Not much to update until my consultation aside from someone accusing me of having HIV for being trans and refusing to allow me to serve them a drink because they "werent sure of transgenderism is contagious as it seems to be spreading like HIV and filth". Yay me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RK_jvDoBll0 my new video Warren Also, going to dye my hair. Not sure what color. Past colors in below photos: Open to suggestions
So, first off I want to apologize for my last blog post, I apparently was having a bad day/night and needed to vent. I do want to thank everyone for their words of encouragement and assure you that I am less RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWRRRRRR today and more ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz JUST BECAUSE IM THAT BIPOLAR. Yup, that is my life. SO, on another note, it IS Wednesday, and as some of you may know, it is my YOUTUBE POST day. So I have posted my weekly youtube post, and here
My agony and enduring bull**** continues.
I had to park almost a mile away from work again today, because there were no parking spaces. Then listened to a fifteen minute speech from a manager about how I have no excuse, there is "always parking spaces".
Get into work on time, thankfully. And slam my hand into a door. Yay...
Move my rearend to the front line and start doing my job, and I accidentally drop a 50 pound box of canned goodes right on my foot. THANKS A LOT.
Limping around, I get th
Did you know that the MTF to FTM percentage is 2.5 versus one?
In the 1990s-2002, the estimated count for transgendered MTF was 14,000-20,000, versus the 1,000-8,000 FTM.
Of course the numbers HAVE changed since that time, but the ratios stayed about the same. MTF transgenders greatly outnumber the amount of FTM individuals.
I'm not sure why, and I'm not sure if we'll ever really know. But the point is, finding any form of anything for a transgender is usually limited down to MTF.
I've don
Everyone has a bad day now and then.
Maybe they spilled their coffee, or the car wouldnt start, you stepped in a puddle up to your knee...could be anything.
Mine never start out with physicaly disturbances. Sure, I have trouble with my car. But it's forgivable. My Jeep is my baby. And when I cant afford to fix my baby, she has a tantrum. I forgive her for it.
Yeah there's days when my hair just does NOT want to agree and be tamed. Or when I seem to smash my fingers in everything I touch. But
Hello again, my Lords, Ladies and Majesties. Up front I want to apologize for my outburst and dramatic exit. Stress has been neck deep over here and I unfortunately dove head first into the fritz so bad that Ms. Frizzle would surely kick my not-so-royal behind. I took a break and tried to collect myself again, but I cant promise that I'm back up to par. I still have a LOT going on over here but I'll do my best. Please forgive me if I mess up on my swearing and stuff again, but yes, I did read th
So my insurance has told me flat out (cant remember if I told you guys but here's a recap) no. Unless my ID says female, they will not consider my application for surgery assistance. They can only process it as male, which would go under cosmetic which they dont cover SO, I called the DMV for my state and talked to them. I asked them "I have already changed my ID to my identifying gender. Can I change it back temporarily and then put it back to my current gender later?" Odd question, naturally.
After my last post/blog, I figured it would be a good idea to give an update.
No, I were not fired. But I almost was. I went in and talked to my boss about it, and explained that I'd had an anxiety attack, which I'm prone to have. We talked it through and I assured him it wouldnt happen again unless nessesary, and I would tell them next time if I needed to leave.
He accepted, and I was allowed to work.
I were on my best behaviour all day, or as best as I could.
Sometimes theres days when thi
I havent blogged in a little bit...Mostly due to being sick, really. I took on several extra shifts for my boss because she came down with a flu-like sickness (which is sadly going around.) and now it seems like I got it. Thankfully it's gotten better over the past few days with some help from bedrest and Ginger Ale. And of course, binge watching Supernatural. Almost 2 seasons in the course of 3 days But with the new year starting out and my new insurance starting in Feburary, on comes a new(e
Hello again lol So I have something I wanna talk about. Anxiety at work. This came to mind shortly after watching a bit of a recent movie (cant remember the name of it. Something to do with a woman working in fast food, getting fired, then robbing the place). It really brought up some memories of my first time working for Dunkin Donuts. My anxiety disorder was basically ruling my life at that point, but I desperatly needed a job and I was willing to take what I could get. Sadly, it ended up bein
So....been another hurtful, stressful, discouraging day. Yesterday's bulls*** has dragged on my mind all night, limiting my sleep, and bringing me down today. She purposefully calls me her "daughter kristy" just to piss me off....I dont get it... 14 hours ago Me:Please dont call me your daughter kristy because I am neither of those things. I dont appreciate the post you put up. It's really disrespectful. I sent her that^^^^^message and she has since blocked me... So, yeah. I'm a little down. But
Hello, people of the pages. Ah the endless pages....
So, just like anything else we try to accomplish, there are always roadblocks.
Aside from the fact that I dont really know what to write about tonight, I thought I would ramble about an issue I'd been having today.
My Binder.
Technically speaking, I'm not sure if its actually a binder or not. It's a Torso Compression Tank from Manshape for FTMs. My first one I'd ever bought, EVER, so I probably got it wrong. Maybe?
Anyway, I wear it over
First off, Happy Transgender Visibility Day. I was sort of expecting more of a hoo-ha at work today for it, like they do for all the other holidays. Even for LGBT awareness day, they do a cake and ribbons and music and such.
Today...I asked them to make a cake which he put next to no effort into because he didnt really seem to care, and didnt even put frosting all the way around it.
The sign was thrown together in about half a minute, and it didnt even mention what kind of cake it was. Which
Well first off, I'd like to start out with 'WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO THE GUIDE?!" Although some change is good, I've found it a little difficult to navigate the site and find my things and whatnot.....not 100% I'm a fan of this new set up....I'm not even sure if I'm blogging in my usual place or if this is just going to float around randomly... Anyway, back to the blog. So it has been made very obvious to me that I have anger issues, according to.....well, I dont know. The world? My anger probl
