I got busy doing something here at home and completely forgot to post a blog >.< Forgive me! You know I love you all and would never forget you! Just the blog...... So it was a while ago, and I dont remember if I showed you all, but here goes nothing. I finally got my letter Now, I'm still working on getting a simular letter form my ex-therapist, Joan. Along with a copy of my file. But she's been increasingly stubborn on the subject and they still have not sent one, even after me payin
Hey guys...I know, right? Been a long time...I havent felt like blogging lately. I even skipped out on my youtube videos because I felt like...I dont know. Like they're not going anywhere. Not doing any good I guess? I'm at a loss I'm back into that feeling like....nothing I do, does any good. All my waiting for surgery and help is wasted. All my optimism and hoping is falsified. I'm really....really at a loss you guys. I broke my cut-free streak again. I couldnt help it...I've tried so long a
I'm not really sure if this is allowed or if I will be in trouble for this later, but I wanted to try. I havent many others to talk to right now, and I'm about to do a bit in my/our journal as well to let him know that this is being done. I know this may seem very strange to some of you, or all of you, but I feel as if I will go insane if I do not make my presence known to at least those within this site. Facebook is not a good place for me I believe. At least, most parts of Facebook. And I am n
I went to see my doctor again today, simply for a check in or a check up on my medications and what not.
Normally I'm very nervous about seeing the doctor. I had a lot of health issues I were dealing with and always worried about 'getting in trouble' with my doctor. Granted, I love her to pieces, and she cares more than any other doctor I have EVER had. But in the same aspect, shes not afraid to tell me how it is, and boot me in the butt for not taking care of myself.
When I finally told her a
After my last post/blog, I figured it would be a good idea to give an update.
No, I were not fired. But I almost was. I went in and talked to my boss about it, and explained that I'd had an anxiety attack, which I'm prone to have. We talked it through and I assured him it wouldnt happen again unless nessesary, and I would tell them next time if I needed to leave.
He accepted, and I was allowed to work.
I were on my best behaviour all day, or as best as I could.
Sometimes theres days when thi
Did you know that the MTF to FTM percentage is 2.5 versus one?
In the 1990s-2002, the estimated count for transgendered MTF was 14,000-20,000, versus the 1,000-8,000 FTM.
Of course the numbers HAVE changed since that time, but the ratios stayed about the same. MTF transgenders greatly outnumber the amount of FTM individuals.
I'm not sure why, and I'm not sure if we'll ever really know. But the point is, finding any form of anything for a transgender is usually limited down to MTF.
I've don
I wanted to throw this out there, as a sidenote off from one of my other blog posts this evening.
I wanted to take this time to sit down, mellow out, and most of all....Thank you.
Thank every single one of you. All of you who stop and peek into my demented mind to read my blogs. Thank you for stopping and feeling my pain, laughing with me, shaking your head at my own less-than-witty comments, and crying with me if it so suited you.
I'm extremely, unbelievably grateful for every one of you and
I'm bored out of my mind (on vacation from work because of spring vacation) so I've taken to Sims 4, exercise, writing and being lazy.
But while I sit here, something has come to mind. Sexuality.
Someone mentioned it to me and asked what my sexuality is, and I said I "think" I'm bisexual.
Well for someone like me who hasnt been fully educated on what certain sexualities are, I cant help but wonder if I'm not fitting that catagory.
I mean, men? Hell yes. Girls? Totally. But I really dont have
Every now and then, people have to stop and breathe and realize that things they were planning and hoping for...need to wait.
It's a depressing and saddening experience, but it's one that we all must have at least once every few miles. Sort of like getting the oil changed in your car, you have to take the time to stop and refresh your fuels and reset your priorities.
For me, its the surgery.
I know I NEED it to help ease my mind, and make me more comfortable in my own flesh, but I know it's n
First off, Happy Transgender Visibility Day. I was sort of expecting more of a hoo-ha at work today for it, like they do for all the other holidays. Even for LGBT awareness day, they do a cake and ribbons and music and such.
Today...I asked them to make a cake which he put next to no effort into because he didnt really seem to care, and didnt even put frosting all the way around it.
The sign was thrown together in about half a minute, and it didnt even mention what kind of cake it was. Which
Well, it is now 7:30am, and I've been up for about three to four hours so far. I'm not supposed to be to work until 11:45am but here I sit in the cafeteria of the college kitchen that I work at.
My jeep's oil pan is so thin with corrosion that you can poke your finger through it, so to save myself a burning fireball of a vehicle on the way to work one interesting morning, I decided to share rides with my boyfriend.
Who works an opposite shift than I do.
Yay me.
Anyway, to try and pass the ti
Well first off, I'd like to start out with 'WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO THE GUIDE?!" Although some change is good, I've found it a little difficult to navigate the site and find my things and whatnot.....not 100% I'm a fan of this new set up....I'm not even sure if I'm blogging in my usual place or if this is just going to float around randomly... Anyway, back to the blog. So it has been made very obvious to me that I have anger issues, according to.....well, I dont know. The world? My anger probl
I cant help but feel slightly offbalanced knowing that I haven’t posted a blog in a while, and that my last blog was rather…eh, how to put it…..rabid? Furious? Either way, I’m not entirely proud of it and I apologize for the negative ranting that you all so lovingly put up with. Sometimes we just got to get it out of our systems I guess. No worries though, today’s is less snapping teeth and clenched fists. Today is sort of just a wander around and poking at flowers while caving in anthills type
Sometimes I wonder if the life I live is actually just some sick and twisted nightmare, then other times I just assume I’m in limbo somewhere for some unspeakable crime against humanity. Then other times I cant help but wonder if any of the “reality” is reality at all. Or if maybe the whole universe is just split up into atoms within an alien computer somewhere and they’re fooling around with the system like some weird outer space version of The Sims. But maybe that’s just my creative writer com
So first I wanted to respond to a few things in my last blog because posting comments was getting confusing. "May I ask, does your boyfriend consider himself a Straight or Gay man? Do you consider yourself a Straight or Gay man? From my interaction with you and looking at your pictures (I have very sensitive "Gaydar"), you come across as a Straight man. Of course, I could be wrong." The answer to this would be no, Justin does not consider himself gay, and is 100% Straight. Which, yes, confuse
Good afternoon/morning/evening/Saturday? TGG friends, Yes, It's me again. No I havent died and no, nothing super dramatic has happened. I've just taken a lot of time to sort myself out and try and get my head straight. You'll be glad to know that I have been 'clean' or 'sober' of self harm for several weeks, and I am so far really loving my job. So far, I have not had a single day of dreading a workday aside from merely just being exhausted, getting used to 3rd shift. But it's getting easier. Sp
It's always fun updating lol Also I want to add in that today is the anniversary 125th of Wounded Knee in North Dakota So not much has happened aside from this was probably the best, most uneventfully drama-lacking christmas I've ever had. Best. Christmas. Ever. So my visit with my family went better than expected. Some (if not all) my xmas presents from my mom and siblings were to Ren, not Kristy, which was awesome. My older sister took me upstairs and said "the girls are going to call you a
So, for various reasons, I've decided to take a semi-perminate break from blogging. I just have nothing positive going on in my life right now and I dont want every single blog post I put up to be negativity and venting. I'm just.....tired. Nothing I say is right anymore, and somehow I always seem to anger someone. Last night I was basically yelled at for my blog post being insensitive and rude and it severely made someone mad at me, and later it was brought to my attention that I swear way too
How's it goin' people? I figured I'd update all you guys on what's been going on lately. So I had my appointment with Dr. Feins in Manchester NH for a surgery consultation for my top surgery. I felt like my head was gonna explode with having to wait for it to get here, then that morning I was dreading it the whole 2 hour ride. I did NOT want to take my shirt off and have him take pictures of my chest. Believe me, it was torment to wait and drive closer and closer, yet I didnt dare go home and ch
Sometimes I forget when this all started, or if it ever had a start to begin with.
"To Thine Own Self Be True"
Shakespeare said that. In his act of Hamlet...Polonius in Hamlet said "This above all: to thine own self be true,And it must follow, as the night the day,Thou canst not then be false to any man.Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!"
The first bit always got to me. 'To Thine Own Self Be True" I didnt discover this quote until one night I were surfing the internet, my left arm num
Hello, people of the pages. Ah the endless pages....
So, just like anything else we try to accomplish, there are always roadblocks.
Aside from the fact that I dont really know what to write about tonight, I thought I would ramble about an issue I'd been having today.
My Binder.
Technically speaking, I'm not sure if its actually a binder or not. It's a Torso Compression Tank from Manshape for FTMs. My first one I'd ever bought, EVER, so I probably got it wrong. Maybe?
Anyway, I wear it over
Everyone has a bad day now and then.
Maybe they spilled their coffee, or the car wouldnt start, you stepped in a puddle up to your knee...could be anything.
Mine never start out with physicaly disturbances. Sure, I have trouble with my car. But it's forgivable. My Jeep is my baby. And when I cant afford to fix my baby, she has a tantrum. I forgive her for it.
Yeah there's days when my hair just does NOT want to agree and be tamed. Or when I seem to smash my fingers in everything I touch. But
When it comes to being transgendered, it's not just an inside confession or a validation of yourself in your own mind, but it's an outward expression. It's a chance to take your gender that you were born with on the outside, and throw it in your trashcan, light that ***** on fire and say "Good Riddance"
But sometimes it's not as easy to figure out how to do that when it comes to clothes.
If you spent your life like me, wandering the Girls section at walmart and curling your nose at all the pin
