One of the members here recently was feeling down (I hope that you feel better today:) and discouraged. One of the things was that men are sending her unwanted friend requests and messages on social sites.
This is such an annoyance for transgender women and makes us all to aware how we can be objectified as fetish objects by a certain type of guy who don't really see us as real people, let alone women. Sometimes you just get so fed up with it, and at the wrong time, it can really get to you. They all seem to say and ask the same or similar things which can run the spectrum from ignorant, to insulting, to just so creepy that you feel like you need to take a shower after reading them. I'm thinking why not have some fun at these creep's expense. I'm going to list some of the typical things, usually the opening line from a message that I've gotten. Tell me if it sounds familiar and add some of the ones that you've gotten, ok? Of course, I can't include the more X rated comments that I've gotten.
1. You a tranny?
2. I'm curious and want to "try" a tranny, you want to be my first?
3. Do you Skype?
4. Text me. 555 555 5555.
5. Send me pictures.
6. Send me naked pictures.
7. Do you still have "it?"
8. Is 67 too old? (I'm 19)
9. Give me your number. (like I'm going to give a complete stranger my phone#!)
10. Give me your phone number and I'll send you a picture of my.....
11. What are you wearing?
12. Do you have boobs?
13. How big is your....
14. Hi, do you like me?
15. I'm on he down low, do you want to be my secret thing? (yeah, I want to be somebody's "thing")
There are so many more that are probably worse, and many too creepy to say here on tgguide. These are a few that I've heard over and over. On a dating site that I tried recently, some of the user names tell you right up front what these guys are all about. I also can't write most of those here, but for example, how many girls are looking to meet a guy that calls himself "freakdude69?"
It can be so frustrating, I so understand why this gets to other girls. At first i was actually a little flattered that guys were (I thought) interested in me, but I got onto what they were about and really got so sick of it.
So girls, are there any particularly weird, clumsy, funny or bizarre things that guys have said to you? At least things that you can say here, but nothing to "graphic."
Again, I'm leaving out those that are too creepy, sexually graphic or disgusting....which are most of the comments that girls like us get.
La la la:)))
Lately the trans community has had some wonderful representation in television, movies and the media. These women are strong, successful, talented and articulate. Pretty much everyone knows of Janet Mock, Laverne Cox, Andreja Pejic, etc, or Jazz Jennings...a 14 yr old that was named one of Time Magazine's 25 most influential teens of 2014. These women weren't the first to be successful, but they have increased awareness and put us in the spotlight in a favorable way. Transwomen have been leading successful lives for a long time, but more quietly and in the shadows than now. We are doctors, lawyers, athletes, politicians, soldiers, authors, top students , etc.
I think the first words I keyed into a search engine were something like "boys who are really girls." I didn't really know where to start. I was just trying to learn about myself and if there were others that had the same feelings that I did. At first, I discovered a few older girls like the woman from England that had transitioned and found success as a model and even appeared in a movie at one time, but she did it in stealth mode and was later outed. As far as I know, that was pretty much the end of her career as an actress and there didn't seem to be much more information about her. I think she did write a book later though. When I was 13, I came across a Canadian girl who made Youtube videos and called herself Gregory Gorgeous. She seemed to identify as gay then, but was feminine and usually presented herself as a girl, doing a lot of makeup and fashion tutorials. A couple of years ago she came out as trans and is now well into her physical transition as Gigi. About the same time, I found out about Kim Petras, a 16 yr old girl from Germany who became the youngest to have GRS. I was so happy to find these girls I found so much inspiration and through them, I found the courage to come out when I started high school, However, the woman that became my most important roll model is a doctor here in Philadelphia, and who I admire very much, Dr Christine McGinn. I first saw her on Oprah about four years ago and I more or less idolized her from the moment I saw her. She was everything I aspire to be as a woman. Not only is she beautiful, super intelligent, extremely well spoken, but she has devoted her practice to gender reassignment surgery, donates "pro bono" services for the trans-community and has won awards for trans-advocacy and awareness.
These are just a few of the many trans-people that helped me feel "not so alone" when I was growing up. Now, there are so many amazing women in the media, the internet and...everywhere:)
I'd like to hear from some of you girls, about who helped or inspire you to be who you are. Was there anyone that you admired or inspired you, or just helped you feel like you weren't the only one that felt different from everyone else on the planet?
Dr Christine McGinn
When I was younger, I was happy to find that some guys are attracted to transgender girls. After all, there are guys that like cis girls, guys that like guys, etc, so I just reasoned that it's just as natural for some guys to like transgender girls. I've had my crushes throughout school just like anyone else does. I thought how nice it would be if someone felt the same way about me. One of my friends told me "there's somebody for everybody, right?" She didn't realize that many things are more complicated for #girlslikeus. It didn't take me long to realize that many of the guys that I seemed to attract were different somehow. Not all, but most didn't seem to be interested in me as a person or really want to get to know me as a person. I sadly started to realize that these particular guys weren't seeing me as a romantic partner, not a girl to take ice skating, dance with, watch movies together, spend quite time side by side on the couch with, or exchange Valentine's cards with.
I was fairly young when I started hearing from older girlfriends about how transgender women are seen as fetish objects to a lot of men. I already knew that woman are often objectified as sex objects and thought it was the same thing, sort of. I told myself that was just a few creeps, so just stay away from them...not a big deal. The right boy will come along. I later came to see these creeps as predators. They will tell you what you want to hear and treat you just good enough to get what they think they're going to get. This threatens me, my womanhood, my self worth as a human being.
I still think he is out there, but after years of contact with guys....ones that swear they just want love, a relationship, a soul mate, only for them to turn out to be one of "those." I am letting some bad experiences influence my interaction with guys that I meet. Without even knowing them, I often judge them as one of the creeps. I have dated a couple (exactly three) amazing guys, two in highschool and one after starting college, so my dreams are still alive. However, years of interaction with the predators, in person, on social sites, forums and chat rooms have gotten to me, not that I would ever meet anyone from online. Not a chance. It's just the idea...the reality of it all. This is one of the reasons that I am here on TGGuide, which has been a very positive experience for me. I feel like here, I can discuss issues, interact with other girls, and talk about my feelings and experiences without someone asking me for pictures in my underwear. Yay!
The "fetish" aspect is one of the complications of dating for #girlslikeus, but there are others. It's not the most heartbreaking. The social stigma attached to dating a girl that was born (and especially if she still is) anatomically male is another big thing. It's a lot of pressure for guys, no matter how good their intentions. I have lost a couple good relationships to their fear of what people will think and that is what probably stops some nice guys from approaching us in the first place.
I will fully transition when I graduate from college. I don't want to give the wrong impression, I'm not doing it to find love and a husband. I need to do this for me, no one else and it is what I've been moving toward my whole life. I do think though, that the chances of romantic happiness and love are better for those that have fully transitioned. Post op women do get married and are living the dream. Janet Mock has an amazing guy and will soon be married as many other have.
So, i'm interested in what others think on the subject, and you're experiences are with dating and love. Do you think it's likely to find love as a transwoman? What have your experiences been with men? Are so many men as just creepy as I think they are? I'm also curious to hear from those that Identify as "trans-lesbians." I sometimes think that it would be easier to be attracted to girls. It's hard to see cis-women as being the kind of creepy that some men are,or as likely to fetishize and, devalue another person, or as worried of what people would think of them.
Thanks for reading <3
Ok, so I'm a pretty happy girl. I mean, I have a supportive family, some amazing friends, school is going well, etc. I would never let a little negativity bother me...right? Haha! Well it's true most of the time anyway.
I have found that the majority of people that I encounter in life as a transgender woman, fall into one of three categories: The first being the "supporters," those that I am closest and who love me, like me, who are like me, are encouraging and who truly seem to get what it means to be trans. Second are the "accepting." The accepting may not really understand what being transgender means, but are open minded and have respect for us, based on who we are as people and are open to learning. Third are the "tolerant." These people may not like me, respect me and may even think that the way I live my life is wrong. Their position can be based on a lot of different things. The important thing about the tolerant is that even if they don't agree with the way that someone lives their life, they don't feel the need to judge, discriminate, bully etc. They might shrug their shoulders, roll their eyes,, but move on and focus on their own lives. These three types comprise, by far, most of the kind of people that I interact with in my everyday life as a daughter, sibling, friend, student, employee, consumer and semi-socialite:),
However, there is a fourth sub-group, "the haters." The haters are the subject of today's rambling rant. I am a strong woman. I can mostly deal with the relative few haters. I grew up trans and have faced adversity of some sort almost everyday of my life, so I'm not about to let a relative few make a major impact on my life with their ignorance. I have received too much love and support in my life for that. However, there are times when venting some frustration is good for your soul. Thankfully, most true haters aren't all that brave and usually troll the internet, social sites, comments sections of Youtube...all the while anonymous and feeling free to bully, abuse and attempt to harm others with words. I suppose there is some temporary satisfaction in this for them. Maybe this makes them feel better about their own problems for a short time.
Although this happens on all social sites, Facebook, twitter, etc. The following focuses mostly on recent comments and replies I've recently experienced on Youtube.
I follow several vlogs on youtube which are made by amazing girls who are exposing their hearts and souls to help others, educate or vent their own bad experiences as transwomen. These are brave, smart, and intelligent women. You find people of the fourth type making horrible comments on every transgender related video on Youtube. Sometimes you find the same user names showing up on many different video comment sections. They justify their misinformed and hurtful comments with outdated gender ideas, religious reasons, poor scientific research or just something they heard from a drinking bro at a frat party. While you can't know the age of those posting these comments, I'm pretty sure that some are no older than 12 years old. Even though I understand that most of these trolls are unreasonable, I make an effort to reason with them. A few of them have actually backed off of the extreme views and seem to be at least thinking a little more. That in itself makes an exchange with them worthwhile. I suspect the motivation of the haters varies. I know that some of them resent those of us that live the way we feel, despite of opposition that we have faced for doing so...that we are happy despite it all. The majority of them are just unhappy people and looking to make others feel bad about themselves. The transgender community is seen as an easy target.
Some of the more common comments that have been directed me are: "You are mentally ill." "You are evil and/or the devil." "You have XY chromosomes and will never be a woman." "You are living a lie." "You are a gay man trying to trick men." Here is one of my recent favorites." "You disgust me and I want you to die." Oh, how nice!
So, here's how I usually approach these kinds of people and their comments. I start by pointing out obvious errors and contradictions in their reasoning, which is blatantly misinformed, incoherent or just manufactured to suit their agenda. I repeat the fact that transgenders harm no one by being trans, but their bullying, physical and psychological abuse and hate are very harmful and can ruin lives. Then, I always tell these people the same thing. It almost always stops them cold. "I hope that you find peace and happiness in life. If you do, you won't feel the need to harm others or want them to feel bad about themselves."
When I was about to come out to my school as trans, my mother told me "kill your critics with kindness, then watch them die with a smile." She then made a point to explain, that what would die is their ignorance, their prejudice (not actually the person.) We never wish harm to others.
If you read my poorly written rambling rant, you are a very kind person with a lot of patience and I thank you:)))) Lalala:)