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On Being...Me

A blog by Chrissy in General

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Entries in this blog

Work ID

So today I almost got kept out from going back to work from lunch!!! Ok not really.  But! We have ID cards to get into the building - mine hasn't been updated yet re my name and picture (for no apparent reason I was waiting until my legal name change went through, but HR confirmed I don't need to). When we scan into the building our pic comes up on a computer monitor at the security post near the entrance.  Usually this doesn't matter as I know all of the security people so I doubt they even loo

Woke up with doubts...but...

Good morning everyone, Before I get to the main point, I have an anecdote from last week (I share this with a couple of people already) - I was going to be hanging out with my friend Mindy on Friday night, so at lunchtime I went to get some wine (to go with the nachos we were planning).  When I was at the store I heard the clerk say to me (I wasn't facing him at that moment, but I was the only customer in the store), "If you need any help maam just ask." I woke up ridiculously early today sudden

Weekend goals...

Happy Friday ladies and gentlemen and all points between and around! Well this was quite the week.  I knew that changing to my female name at work would be "big," but I didn't fully anticipate the anxiety, exhilaration, excitement, fear (and several other emotional states that I may never have experienced before) that would come with it.  It really was a very unusual week as people started referring to me as Christie, and using female pronouns.  The word spread faster than was planned (thanks to

Week 1 - HRT and "Real Life Test"

Good morning everyone, I've now finished just over a week on HRT, and a full business week with my "Real Life Test." There's nothing really to report on the HRT front, which isn't surprising.  I did start a "chart" that I put on my bulletin board so that each week I can write down what, if any, changes I noticed.  This week the only possible change was reduced libido - though I can't say that with 100% certainty yet. The "real life test" is another story.  I broke through and wore my wig, along

Vacation and birthday...

Hi everyone, Happy Thursday!  Happy for me because starting tomorrow I'm on vacation for a week.  I'm sure I'll be checking in here during that time, but probably not doing any blogging. In an earlier post I mentioned how I was aiming for July 27 as the day that I would officially start presenting as a woman.  My last post altered that course a bit, so I'm going to see now what exactly I'm doing.  I'm certainly going to keep playing with make-up and other things, but the difference between today

updates...

Happy Monday good people! On Friday I went and had my tests done for HRT.  Assuming they all come through ok then I'm on my way, my next appointment with the endocrinologist is August 6 (though if they notify me before that that everything is ok I might try for an earlier appointment).  My sense of peace and contentment grows by the minute!  Currently it's just the possibility that something will come back negative on the tests that causes me any anxiety. Electrolyis is going wonderfully!  I've

Updates and some thoughts on doubts & fears

Good morning everyone! First a few updates.  Today, in addition to the little make-up touches I've been adding over the last few weeks, I did my eyebrows and am using lipstick (and lip gloss), and wearing a cute new necklace I bought over the weekend.  A picture from this morning is below.  I did get a "sir" at 7-11 today, but I'm ok with that, he knows me (I stop there regularly on the way to work), and he was looking strangely at me after that (a mix of confused and amused, or something like t

Updates - coming out, and orientation epiphany!

Happy Friday everyone! I made several fairly significant steps this week.  In terms of "presentation" there was only one day that I was wearing typically male clothing (and the reason for that has now passed, so it doesn't need to happen again).  In addition to the mascara and lip gloss that I was already doing, I wore nail polish all week (including a very noticeable red on Wednesday).  And I'm getting better at curling my hair to match what the hair stylist did, so my hair style is decidedly m

Update

Hi all! So my recovery seems to be going well. I had my follow-up with the surgeon and they removed the packing and tubes. That felt so much better! They showed me how to dilate - wasn't too bad. Yesterday I came home - I've never been so happy to be home! Recovery is easier in my own place with my own stuff. For 4 weeks I have to dilate 4x a day for 20 minutes each. I'm still working on my positioning, it gets a little uncomfortable and tedious, but I'll survive :-) Otherwise for now it's a lot

Transition Anniversary

Hi all, I just wanted to do a quick post, yesterday was "officially" my 2 year anniversary of transitioning. I arguably started before that, but August 10, 2015 is when I began "presenting full-time" as a woman, and I haven't looked back :-)  It was shortly (like days) after that I started on HRT.  It's also now been almost a year since my breast augmentation surgery. When I look back, especially in the approach to my GCS (in December last year) I remember thinking about whether or not I would r

Transgender "Community"

This is a topic I've been thinking about a lot, and have been wanting to write something about - so here goes!!! It's the concept of a transgender "community" - does it exist?  Should it exist? It came up during the support group that I facilitate on Saturdays, so I thought it might be time to look at the issue myself a little more deeply - and see what others think :-) In 2 separate contexts I was told by people - who knew I was in the process of transitioning - that they knew trans people who

Top Surgery

On February 8 I have an appointment with a surgeon to discuss top surgery  I'd have to wait until August for insurance to cover, but I wanted to start seeing what's involved.  He's in Albany, but that's not too far and he's in-Network for insurance.   Unrelated - today in Jersey City  

Top Surgery

Hi all, So today was my top surgery! I had it done by Dr. Jeffrey Rockmore - I can't say enough about him, his staff, and the St. Peter's Surgery Center in Albany. Everyone was incredibly friendly, helpful and supportive, and the results seem really good! (they are still wrapped, and swollen, so I can't say for sure yet). My friend Bryana went with me - we only met in January but she's quickly become such a good friend, and so graciously and enthusiastically took the trip with me (about 2.5 hour

Time for reflection...

Hi everyone, Well, i'm now "out" to everyone.  An email went out to the entire faculty and staff at the school where I work about my transition.  Enough people already knew, so I was getting used to being called Christie, in emails and face to face (though introducing myself as such still feels a little weird). My recent outward transitioning was driven by internal feelings, but now I think it's time to look inward again.  The outward things were necessary, but it drew me away from looking insid

The little things ... in this case, shoes

Today I took a somewhat surprisingly big step, at least it was big in the fact that I hadn't anticipated how nervous it would make me. I've been dressing entirely female for the past few weeks, with only a couple of necessary exceptions (which won't happen again), but my shoes have been relatively obscure.  I'm wearing women's shoes, but typically either sneakers or boots, shoes that don't necessarily read as female. Today I'm wearing a pair of black flats, these very definitely read as female.

Thanksgiving

Hi all, Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I'm not sure, since I haven't written lately, if I mentioned writing to my brother a few weeks ago about my transition (we don't speak often, so calling about it felt weird).  Anyway, he's not the most progressive thinking person, so I didn't know how he's react - and it had been a couple of weeks, so... He called me tonight.  He admitted to not understanding it (but heck, I don't either), but he said he's not going to judge and he is supportive He had some

Surgery

Last Thursday I went to Albany, NY for a surgery consultation (Surgeon who does breast augmentation + surgeon who works with transgender patients + takes my insurance = go to Albany).  The surgery won't happen until August, I have to be on HRT for a full year before insurance will cover it (they'll cover it if I'm "not comfortable with the growth that occurs after a year on HRT"), so it's tentatively scheduled for August 12. I got the basics down - it's an outpatient procedure that will take abo

Support system - another key piece!

After almost a week of playing phone tag I finally got in touch with my doctor last night.  I was trying to talk to him about getting a finasteride (sp?) prescription (which he took care of) and a referral for an endocrinologist.  When I originally left the message for him I hadn't said why I was asking for these, so on the phone with him was when I told him that I had come out (I don't like using that term for some reason) as transgender. I've been going to him for a number of years now (10 or

Support Group...work update

I went to a TG support group at the LGBT Center here in Manhattan last night.  They meet the first Wednesday of each month (there are 2 groups, 1 for transwomen and 1 for transmen). I'm hoping that the way it went last night is not typical of the group.  We (actually "they," I was pretty quiet) spent the entire 90 minutes talking about Caitlyn Jenner.  I'm hoping it's just because it was such a big story, and that the group isn't just a current events discussion group.  I was really hoping for a

Some thoughts on depression as I get ready to move on

Good morning wonderful people of TGGuide! Today I have an appointment with my endocrinologist to get blood work, etc. done in preparation for HRT.  I haven't gotten the letter from my therapist yet, but it is being prepared, and she had me complete a consent form so that she can send it to the endocrinologist as soon as it's ready.  I also have an August 6 appointment with the endocrinologist, which may be (hopefully!) the day I get the prescription. All that is just to lead in to some thoughts

Some thoughts and question on gender and sexual orientation

Good morning everyone! We're having a nice breezy, rainy day in NYC today (which is fine for Monday). I've been thinking about my gender and sexual orientation a lot recently, specifically as they relate to each other, and wanted to put my thoughts out here to see if anyone has some ideas on the topic First, I do realize that gender and sexual orientation are different things, and they we do all have both of them. What I've been thinking about lately though is that for quite awhile I'

Socializing Steps

Hi everyone, Since I took another step in socializing today, I thought I'd post something about that topic generally. Before coming out and transitioning, I had identified as a gay man. As such, my social life was largely built around the "gay community." I hadn't thought too much about that initially, since coming out and transitioning are pretty time-consuming for a while, and it was generally easier to do that while staying within a familiar social environment. But I knew it was going to have

Silly people in the street

As I walked home today, I was behind a person who ran into someone he knows and said - quite loud - "men trying to become women, that [bleep] burns me up."  He was ahead of me, so I don't know if it was directed at me (he may have turned and noticed). Anyway, I didn't confront him (I don't make a habit of confronting random idiots on the street, seems like a wise course), but my thought was "well that's not right, i'm not a man trying to become a woman, i'm a woman no longer trying to be a man."

Reflection on the past year

Hi everyone, I recently finished my first year of school (I'm doing the 2-year MSW program at NYU) and decided that I needed a little get-away (emphasis on "little" - I don't really like traveling all that much, and can't afford much). So I decided on a day trip to the shore - my goal going into the day was to not think backwards or forward, just to try to be in the present. Of course, as I mentioned to a friend later, it was a little weird that I chose to go to a place that we used to go to all

Random thoughts (I think)

Good morning everyone! My desire to go tech-free this weekend didn't work out so well, but I reduced my usage substantially, which was nice. I just wanted to get an entry out to start my week with some random things from this past weekend. Saturday night I "pushed myself" a little. I was going to see a drag show (Jackie Beat, my all time favorite drag queen!) and decided it was the perfect opportunity to gender-bend in terms of my presentation. I wore a grey woman's t-shirt from Kohl's (

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