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starting over again

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A new world

By emttracy,

I have been in transition for over 2 years steady now. I have found out the understanding and misunderstanding of so many people in our wonderful planet. If you don't fit the norm or the cookie cutter style you are wierd. If you don't have a look that is the perfect or the standard you are not normal. I feel so sorry for the people that have had to live their lives with a abnormal look or something that is different than the Preama Dona or the Pierce Brosdon look. They have to try even harder to feel good about themselves.

I have found out their hardships the hard way. I have been given a slap in the face as it would be of how the way other people have had to survive with the out of the norm mentality.

I have told my therapist that going through the final phaze of my transition is like a pubesent teen girl haveing to realize her body is changing and now she is going to be observed by all as she begins to grow breasts and her hips widen and she becomes a woman. With this I now understand why so many young women are so reluctant to be open with their life and enjoy themselfs.

As I look in the mirror and see the person that I am becoming and the person that I have been. I see a happier person and a more confindant person. I wish that all trnasgendered people could understand that it is not as easy as they make it out to be. It is harder for the older transgender community to go through the changes because we have established a long term family. We have so much more to try and get across to others. We understand more than the younger generation, we have lived through it.

When I watch the younger people look at me I see them laugh or even make comments about the way I look and they are generally the young teenage girls with no clue in life whether or not they will be happy later on or be left in the dust of life. They laugh and play all the time because that is what they know. I feel sorry for them. If they only knew that they have what they want now and maybe in the future. It makes me wonder if they had to be androgonyous for a month if they would have a different attitude.

I am a happier person and wish all the best that I can. I hope you can become a better person in life than those that think they are so important.

Hugs and Kisses to all.

Tracy N

Today I found out that I lost a very special person in my life. We all knew her and I miss her so much already. Her names is Tracy A. She was the only one who truly knew me for who I am. Even though she and I never met she was so special to me. She was the daughter that I never had and a best friend who I loved so much.

She had confied in me her most precious things and had asked so many qustions and wanted so many answers about life and the things to expect. God why do we have to lose the ones so dear to us so soon. She was only 22 and was killed by drunk driver. I can only say this I hope she understands how much she is missed by me and those who knew her. Tracy my friend I love you and have always been your friend.

Thank You for being my friend. All my my kindest and deepest emotions.

Tracy N.

When things are good they are good and when things go wrong it is so hard for anyone to help you. As I have said in the past I have had many friends and a few enemies that wonder what is going on in my life with me. I have done my best to help them understand the nature of transgendered people like me. They only have the missconseption that we are gay or queer. After they are educated on what is the difference they always say they understand now, But they still continue to look at us as gay. It is so hard to have these understanding people in my life.

I can only hope that the people in my life try not to understand why so much but who. Being female is good but being confused is hard. Life goes on and I am doing well, 4 months on HRT now and my body is responding well. My loks are getting more feminine and my shape is getting nice, dresses and jeans are fitting like they should. Ive lost 40 pounds and have gone from a size 14 to a size 10 and most of the clothes that fit on the top no longer fit now. A size xl was needed befor now a size Lg. or even a med. is fitting fine now. A 38 b or c depending on th bra is fitting perfect now. I think I like the changes coming on.

I have to addmit it feels good to start the body changes again. The boobs are starting to increase again abd the skin is getting softer. The smell and hearing seen to be more sensitive. I had forgotten the sensations of satin on skin and the feel of the wind and breezes under my dresses and skirts as you walk through the mountains. I have truly come to my self sences and the reality of the true me.

My only regret is that I wish I had started earlier in life when I had stuggled so much, but I don't regret the wonderful children that I have.

To all who have any feelings of insecurity and dought that you are doing the wrong thing, look deeply into your life and see if it is really what you are and what you truly need and you will see what I'm talking about.

Enjoy yourself and life it is too short to be in missery and hiding who you truly are.

Life is good

By emttracy,

I recently went to Las Vegas and had a wonderful time. I have been married for 24 years and the woman that I am married too went with me to Veags. We had such a wonderful time together. We had dinner together and seen a show and a late night gondola ride at the venitian.

As the time goes on and I continue to transition she understands the stuggle that I have had all my life and she still loves me and always will. It is people in my life that makes it all worthwhile.

Now it's been 1 month on full HRT and things are going well, it's hard to believe the feelings that I have missed.

After having started HRT and having some health problems that made me stop with my progression I am now back on my way to becoming the woman I have been all my life. I have made some good friends on this site and hope to make some more. It has been a hard time to do what I have done and now it is like a new day everytime I wake up.

As many know it is the hardest to try and get the mind set that you are normal and those around you are living in a wonderland of sorts. If people would just understand that you don'y have to be the "normal person" to be happy they would be happier themselfs.

Be happy and live life to the fullest.