This has to be the most important, exciting and scary time of my life, not really scary, at least not so much anymore. And this has been a whirlwind of work, emotion, physicality, oh and money. About the only people I see are doctors, but every time I see one I am a little closer to being the girl I have wanted to be for 67 years. I was born into a world that didn't even acknowledge 'sex' and my family certainly did believe that if you didn't talk about it it didn't exist. So all the signs of my gender issues were ignored, or ridiculed. My mother had to know, I was always into her clothes. I know I felt the shame that was put on me for not being the way a male should be. I had never seen any else like me, and the whole idea of Transgender was only known to a few. I seriously did not meet another trans person until just a month or so ago, I had no idea that I was not a complete freak of nature and all alone! God has the world changed!
I have been bursting with thoughts and emotions that I really need to share, I hope this might help with that. Even if I am only writing to myself, it will help. Not many people ever saw the real thru my younger years, although there have have always been those who did see right into me and knew. I don't think I went out in public as a woman before I was 19. Then the first big influence on my life appeared, LSD! I had been really shy, introverted, insecure, ashamed, just totally enclosed, in my cocoon! When I 'turned on tuned in and dropped obeing bornut' I become proud of my 'two spirits' and gained confidence and opened up and presented the girl in me to the world. I mostly fought with that world, combating ignorance and peoples natural fear of the unknown. I didn't live in any of the few places were the LGBTQ community was being born, I was out in the suburbs of LA, The only T-girl on the streets! I was wild, and was told I was scary quite a bit, I was mad at world and it showed. I did feel that I was more than everybody else, I felt things that men don't know, and of course I learned everything it took to be 'a man'. Men don't understand, but some do. I was very grateful for the men that passed thru my life. I spent 30 years being 'that guy who dresses and acts like a girl' in a world that hadn't heard the phrase Gender Identity Disorder. I had heard only of 1 person, Christine Jorgensen, who had this 'sex change operation', The idea was amazing to me, but there was no way I ever saw that I could get on that road. So for 30 years I found comfort and courage in drugs and my clothes, and my dreams . . .