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my journey to womenhood

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this is my timeline journal, feel free to read and comment I am 49 years old MtF transgender, I identify as female and do not think it is fair that people define who we are by physical image over our soul,

anyway when I was very very young I knew I was female it didn't matter to me a lot back then if anyone else agreed or cared, I was abandon at 3 by my mom and grew up my pre 5 years with my gramma and my sexual identity never came up, I would help gramma in the kichen cooking on the old cast iron wood stove or go to the garden n plant stuff or wach her knit or sew it was an amazing time in my life,till I was 5 and my father got visitation, all I will say is he did bad things to me my quote step mom to" as I was to call her she was 14 maybe my dad 28 so they took me for visits to play parents to me and my older brother, then bring us bk to grammas when they were tired of being parents, this usually took a few hours but acasionally we would be there for a few days if gramma payed them mony to feed us ect, this is all true I sware there was no child protective in the early 70s god I wish there was, anyways yes dad loved my brother but was absolutely not thrilled with me as I was the mistake my rl mom and him wanted a girl and I was a boy thus of no use to them after the divorce my rl mom never came around and my father took me because its the only way he could get to see my brother as well his pride Frank J.r whome may I add commited suicide in 2007 so I am to wonder if my dad abused him as well as me, not the point tho I was takin at age 11 adopted out n grew up in florida and Alabama went bk n forth in total confusion like most am I male am I female ect be tough be a man don't let them know ect, someone always did tho I got bullied beat up acused of being a " queer or f*g forgive the language plz just explaining my journey, anyways yes I dated males and females never the same time sometimes I hated men only wanted to be around women, sometimes I would find one man so special well things got intimate but it would never last,how could I love anyone when I didn't evne love myself right, anyways around 25 or so I got back around my father because my gramma got sick and once again burying everything I knew I was I weight lifted beefed up to 220 drank beer , like eww gross much but I gagged it down to be a " man" then grammy died in 97 and I met Liz we dated for 3 years, then married, omg I was totally absolutely head over heels in love like omg love, still am, we had a good but rocky marriage, I mostly stayed home n cleaned cooked ect took care of the house, she started wondering if something was wrong, for years kept asking me if I was gay id say no and I wasn't, I am a lesbian actually but she did not know that yet, then around 4 or 5 yrs ago I began to explain who I am and what,she at first was like confused as most are,we joined in some research together and she learned fast, then she told me she was actually relieved because she was waiting for me to tell her I was gay and divorcing her for a man, an honest worry actually considering my umm tasts n interests, anyways she was relieved and said she would be ok as long as it stayed in the house, my kids knew and also excepted, my youngest the most bless her she to this day calls me Momma Summer not daddy. even gave me a mothers day card last year :) anyways 3 weeks ago our home burnt down, I got phoebe our youngest out first went back for my oldest and my wife, then went bk in after the dog and our family cat, finally suffering smoke inhalation, a firemen found me all but collapsed n carried me out, it was a huge wake up call, how can I die before I ever get a chance to live. my wife also had a revelation, she loves me no mater what long as its me she don't care what I look like or who I am inside or out she said baby just be you that's all I want, an has called me Summer ever since even in public we are relocating to michagin next week and I a going full me, we reserched and we decided has best place climate wise and community wise so micagin here we come )....................................as ever Summer

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