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Posts posted by Chrissy

  1. That's an excellent point! I also have an ex-wife, but I've long ago stopped really discussing that, so it probably is more likely that I'd slip on the off-chance that it did come up. I think living as a gay man for the past 20 or so years probably helps, most of my dating references will still work :rolleyes:

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  2. Hi Selene!

    Welcome to the site from another NJ resident :rolleyes: I live in Jersey City but love going down to the shore when I can.

    I get what you mean re CDing, I was doing that for awhile and then realized it just wasn't enough -

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  3. Hi all,

    I really think that Ellen hit on the most important point regarding being "in stealth mode." I think the reason the gay rights movement made such great advancements was simply a matter of more and more gay people being "out." It made it more difficult for a lot of straight people to continue opposing gay rights (not all of them of course, but more of them). After all, opposing marriage equality becomes a very different thing when you know that you're denying your brother or sister the right to get married.

    I've always been a little troubled by the suggestion that any community needs to somehow present itself better in order to achieve civil rights and the general respect of society. I realize that at a practical level it's helpful, it just doesn't seem right to me. After all, what constitutes normal varies from person to person. I think almost every civil rights movement would become unnecessary if people in general just stopped deciding that other people should be more like them.

    Just my thoughts :rolleyes:

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  4. I think the main question that comes to my mind (and has on many occasions) is related to Emma's second question - it would be "how did you ultimately know it was the right thing to do?" But Emma's question is so much better phrased?

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  5. I'm actually leaning more towards the use of trans* as an umbrella term. The way I learned it (and granted if you look at different sources you'll see different definitions), transgender was the umbrella term and transsexual was the term specifically for people who were born anatomically the opposite gender of what they know they are.

    The problem then with using "transgender" as an umbrella term is that it doesn't leave a term specifically for those who identify as the opposite gender from what they were born, but don't believe that they were born the wrong gender (so, for example, someone who is born a man, and feels that he is a man, but identifies as female in terms of gender).

    Wow this gets confusing.

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  6. Emma,

    You should never question what you're writing! (Ok, "never" might be strong, but you know what I mean.) Though I've done it myself, I usually push through and decide to throw it out there and see what happens :)

    And yes, the CD event lost it's appeal - in part because I know that several of the people who attend regularly are straight men who are not transgender, they just occasionally enjoy cross-dressing (I'm not criticizing that, that's just to show the lack of things we have in common - and they've been doing it for quite awhile, so it's more likely they aren't just transitioning).


    P.S. I love your quotes - especially Eleanor Roosevelt, that has always been an inspiring quote for me.

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  7. Hi all,

    Now that I have a few minutes I wanted to write a more extended take on the "cross-dressing" topic. As I mentioned earlier, I started my own journey through cross-dressing (I think I went on in more detail about that in another thread), but I now think that I've moved beyond that. Last week when I "merged" my wardrobe, I did have one section that I still initially thought of as cross-dressing, as it included articles of clothing that I wouldn't yet wear out in public unless I was fully cross-dressed (skirts and dresses primarily).

    After my chat with my friend this weekend (when I "came out" to her as transgender) I was thinking about the division again and realized that I thought about it in my head as "drag" clothes and not cross-dressing clothes. That might reflect the fact that I agree with the original point in this thread that if you're transgender it's no longer cross-dressing. (And I actually occasionally do drag, so it wasn't a matter of using a different term, they are currently for that purpose.) There may come a time when I'll wear even these items in public, without fully cross-dressing, but for now...I also think that for now I'm going to give up on the cross-dressing group that I used to attend - it was fun, but I'd rather focus on merging more (and I can still go full out when i'm doing drag, which I'm doing again next week).

    I did take some "bolder" steps this weekend - when I went to meet with my friend I was totally dressed in women's clothing and when I went to the gym on Saturday I was fully in women's workout clothing. The gym outfit was more obvious, at first I thought my other outfit was still technically "passing" for male - but then I saw myself in a monitor at a restaurant and for a split second thought I was looking at a girl - so I was happy with that :wub:

    Love and hugs to all!


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  8. Karen,

    I agree with you about cross-dressing being a very broad term, I personally (now) think of it more as a verb than a noun, so it's something I do (or did) rather than what or who I am.

    I also now don't say that I'm wearing women's clothing, I'm wearing my clothing :)


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  9. I think much of it is "simply" about projecting outwardly who you are inside. So if your goal is to be seen, accepted, and treated as a woman or man, it's more important to pass. If the goal is to be seen, accepted and treated as more feminine (me) or masculine than you would otherwise, then passing isn't so important (or might be cointerproductive).

    That and I think women's clothes are so much nicer than men's :) (the jeans could use deeper pockets though, just sayin)

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  10. In my experience, and i'm sure i'm not alone, cross-dressing was how I first explored as transgender. It was only after doing that for awhile that I recognized that I am transgender. The point of all this is to say that have the separately identified concept was helpful in terms of my journey - if the only option seemed to be transgender, i'm not sure when I would have taken that step.

    Having said all that, it will be nice when we, reach a time when everyone just feels free to express as they want and need. And I agree that under those circumstances it would be redundant or incorrect to say that a transgender person is cross-dressing.

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  11. Thanks for that! I haven't posted anything that i'd worry about guests seeing, but I think i'll feel freer to write knowing they can't.

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  12. I had a similar issue - I'm letting my hair grow out, it's generally straight but was getting poofy on the sides. My hair stylist was able to fix it though, keeping the length but cleaning up the sides. I can't say for sure how she did it, but it seemed to work.

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  13. I was very fortunate with my current therapist (who unfortunately won't be covered by my insurance in about a month) - the big reason is that he does what I think a good therapist does, he asks the next question. Figuring out what being transgender for me is still a relatively new question, and sometimes a question will pop into my head and I don't know what to do with it - he does. (Sorry if that's vague, but that in fact is a good example - I would say something like that in therapy and he knows what question to ask me next to make something more concrete out of it).

    The only other thing I look for in a therapist is that they specifically say that deal with LGBT issues - I don't want to take any chance of having a therapist who might be homophobic (seems unlikely, especially in NYC, but it's certainly not impossible).

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