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Karen's thoughts

A blog by KarenPayne in General

  • Entries

    261

  • Comments

    690

  • Views

    129,796

About this blog

This blog is dedicated to telling those who read the entries about my journey in hopes that something can be learned. 

Entries in this blog

Nice butt baby x 2

This afternoon I was talking to a female friend showing off my Miata and this guy looks out the car window and says yells to me and says "nice butt", had to be me because my friend was facing the other direction. Then the other day my neighbor tells me her husband saw me walking down the street but did not know it was me and said she has a nice butt then she goes, that's Karen. Funny in that I never got this before and know full well that taking hormones has zero effect on how one's butt looks s

New unexpected path in my journey

One of my goals as mentioned in prior post and blog entries is to share my journey which hopefully contains decent information for others travelling down the same path. Thought it would be great to attend local group sessions to share my journey too but have not as most groups in the area are 30 to 50 miles away and are on week nights so that does not cut it for my schedule. Today I get an email from my therapist writing to ask if I would sit down with one of her clients who lives in my area

New territories

Last week I received a friend request on Facebook from a man I don't know. Usually I only allow either people I know or people that are connected to my current friends. Well not sure if this one was a mistake or not as of today. It started off immediately, each morning he would message me asking how I was doing and would respond in a way that nothing could be construed in any way that I was interested more than being friends. This morning it became apparent he wants to date me. There are several

New tattoo

Yesterday morning I was thinking about covering up one tat for another and got lucky, the artist told me she is backed up until mid September but had a cancelation so about one hour later I had a dolphin covered up and a butterfly in it's place. Since the new tat is on my back need to get a friend to take a picture which I will post when that happens. Went for coffee this morning and the girl there took a picture for me. Any ways now have butterflies and flowers on left and right side on my uppe

New cards

Just returned from obtaining my new driver license that has gender as Female with my new name then went to my bank, changed my debt card over to Karen Payne. Do I feel different, no but happy it's done Do I feel one step closer, heck yes. The two people at DMV were so nice too me Ended up not able to sleep very well last night and had a bad dream that from start to finish of the name change process I had spelled my last name wrong. Woke up and had to check my license to confirm I did not

My story in the New York Times

I remotely remember writing this and that it might take a while for them to decide to publish it but today I received an email indicating they had published it. Personally the reason was not to shed light on me but to show others what is possible else I just assume be private about this. http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/projects/storywall/transgender-today/stories/karen-payne  

My pre-op journey to SRS and beyond

1/20/2014 Well it has been just under three months since I began hormones and when I got undressed for my morning shower this morning I noticed my breast seemed to have grown a bit since I last checked them. I have read many articles about how long it takes for breast too grow and from the get go made a pack not to be disappointed if they 1. did not grow in the first couple of months 2. did not get to at least a B cup as my mother is a full C cup. Oh, my left breast (and heard this is to be ex

My new norm

It has been three months since surgery and my life is at a place I believe is my new/current norm. I have accepted that “it’s a man’s world” and that I have been accepted into the sisterhood. Things I can laugh or smile about in regards to the last three months. Only went to tuck my penis once (eek, where did it go, oh I remember now ~grin~), have embraced men opening the door for me. Other females treating me as if I have always been a female. My daughter called me this afternoon, I was very

My new job

Four years ago, my company decided to implement a canned solution for the business which meant after the four-year process those (like me) developers that were not part of the migration from old systems to new systems would be placed into a very different position with the same pay, extremely easy work. Sounds great unless you’re like me, not into easy work. So I emailed the CIO of a sister company asking if they had any positions open? Side note, she knew me as a male when she worked in my comp

My new birthday

I was born September 24, 1956 but have now declared my new birthday as January 27 as this is the date to commemorate my correct gender. I was surprised that on Facebook they allow you to change your birthday up to three times while I figured unless you have done something along the lines of what I did you would get it right the first time. Some might have issues with changing one's birthday yet I don't. Along the same lines when I changed my gender marker and first name I changed my last name to

My mother is a smartie

After surgery my mother called hearing I was in California for surgery and inquired to what the surgery was. I told her it was not life threatening on three different times days after surgery, not to worry mom. Well this morning she called and asked about my surgery again and I said, don't you remember, I told you it was nothing to worry about. She said, I think I know what it was for. I said, what you do think, she said gender change? Well I am surely not going to deny it as my only reaso

Mother daughter phone chit-chat brings memories

I am not one to call people on the phone which my mother knows all so well but when she calls we usually chat for between one and two hours. She lives on the opposite coast, 94 years old with the mind of a 40 year old which is truly amazing. Tonight we talked about some of my old girlfriends and she talked about some of her old boy friends back when she was 18 years old. One of the stories was when I was out and about with a few guy friends all night, came home and my father was sitting at the k

Mornings

For 99% of the days since surgery I have bad mornings. Most of them I wake up way too early. Many of them I feel nausea to some extent and just down right crappy. Usually take a two hour nap within two hours of waking up. I have noticed the past few days that I am starting to feel better. What really makes me feel normal is right after morning dilation and a nice hot shower. Anyways thought others going down this path might be alerted to you too may experience this too.

Morning at the my hair salon

I always enjoyed going to my hair salon prior to becoming female but it's so much better now as I am included into chit-chat that only woman engage in. Was there for three hours getting my roots and highlights done so there was a good deal of chit-chat. Two things worth mentioning, one of the stylist who (just learned this today) has been there for 13 years (and I have been going there for 20) ignored me so I thought then the stylist doing my hair said to me, do you know Jean (the other stylist)

Monetary cost - peace of mind

Being it’s a new year a thought went through my head, I know what the monetary cost for preparing for surgery, actual surgery and after care but what is the cost over time? Well without going down to the penny I spent roughly $2,000 for a therapist, not enough to register for medications (insurance paid this), since 2000 spent roughly $4,000 for electrolysis, $7,000 on body enhancements. Now couple this with surgery and aftercare I figure a round number is $35.000. Let’s round this off to $50,00

Missed resources

Went to pick up my regular prescriptions from the local pharmacy, the lady behind the counter called for the manager before handing over my prescriptions. He comes up and says, would you mind me changing our records to reflect your current gender? I said thought it was (and then thought back, sure enough I never did). I replied with "yes", done deal. He said, wow how times flies, I remember when you first started out and back then I didn't have a beard, look at me now lol. Then I went for an MRI

Microsoft MVP

For the second year I have been awarded the MVP (Microsoft Valuable Professional) where out of roughly two million candidates Microsoft picks 3,000 people were I have been honored twice. Last year I was awarded as my old male identity and this year as my current female identity. Each year those who have been awarded MVP go to a summit in Washington State where Microsoft pays for your room and whatever you need for an entire week that takes up at the very least two hotels and utilizes four hotels

Microsoft interview II

Last year was my first interview, today was my second.  Last year they did the interview in Microsoft Studio were nobody sees this until pushed to the web. Big difference this year, they brought all their equipment to the main Microsoft building where there are thousands of people walking by and the camera is hotter without the AC of the studio. During the prior video you heard a question being asked then I would answer. This year they ask a question which is masked out, I repeat the question co

Metamorphosis

Been on hormones for close to two years now and beginning to notice a difference in my brain from normal patterns of feeling unlike before and not certain how to put the changes into words even though I recognize not a subtle change but like dropping off a cliff. This involves general thought processes and emotions yet the emotional aspect has been changing small amounts over the entire time I have been on hormones. So far there is nothing negative in regards to the changes in my brain, only pos

Mental well-being

At my last therapist appointment, she learned that the printer was out of ink and would mail my letter out. She also mailed a copy down to Marci Bower, which I am grateful. I would have been okay if I never read the letter but just the same happy to read her assessment and fully agree with her assessment. Reading “This client is an attractive, bright 57-year old transsexual woman” made me smile. Sometime ago we discussed continual appointments after surgery. She had mentioned that some neve

Memories invoked

My mother and I were chatting on the phone yesterday and the topic went to her had calling my ex-wife. They talked about me now as a female and my ex-wife said she remembered the two of us going out for Halloween to a bar that was promoting Halloween and I went as a female. She told my mother that she virtually got no attention (and she is a looker) while I drew a crowd of men who had no clue I was not female. I will admit that I was not prepared for this at all in regards to men offering to

Meeting the family of an older transgender

In one of the local transgender/cross-dresser groups one of the new members, close to 80 years old brought his wife and two daughters to a club we frequent. I walked in an hour if they got there because of my day long drive with the local sports car club. Said Hi, sat down. the new member, let's call her Jane introduces me to her family and doesn't actually say I'm transgender or post-op I'm guessing that it's assumed since the table is full of cross dressers. When Jane was done talking they ask

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