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About this blog

Nothing is for free. Everything comes at a price. How much do I still have to pay for being myself? 

Entries in this blog

Abandonment

I have always had abandonment issues. I guess I always knew that things will eventually get to this point in my life where not only everyone I love and hold dear no longer have the inclination or strength to stand by me but I, myself have to abandon my own life which has been built on a lie.   It this point I feel helpless against the current pulling me towards my transition. I tried to stem the tide and pretend it is not so but, I lost the battle and like before have no otherway but forward.   
Kourtneyb

Kourtneyb

1

Hormones

It's been five months now since I restarted my regime of herbal hormones. I have had ups and downs but in general it's been a pleasant experience.    I started seing a difference in my breasts almost from day one but didn't expect much else from the herbs. The research I have done indicated slower progress and diminished results opposed to that of conventional medicine.    Be that as it may my emotional state has changed. I feel more at home in my body. The anger and frustration has subsided and
Kourtneyb

Kourtneyb

2

Rough times

It's been a rough two weeks. My mother is still not talking to me, my father seems again torn between the love for his family and the love for his wife. I attended the Pretoria pride as first drag princess and I attended the weekly support meetings.    I am learning alot of new things about myself and transgenderism in general with all the exposure I am getting. I have met so many people with the same affliction as me and cried more tiers in this short time than combined through out my old life.
Kourtneyb

Kourtneyb

0

Being honest

It has been a rough week. I told my friends and parents I am transgender. My wife has by far had the most emotion about it and we spent a number of hours crying together in the last two weeks.  My father also had his whole array of emotions infront of us as I spilled the beans on how I have been hiding this burden in my life from them for 30 years. He has subsequently accepted it and offered his support and even made an appointment for me at the psychiatrist.  My mother gave me her cold medical
Kourtneyb

Kourtneyb

3

First support meeting

I had to rush to get dressed and made up in time for the meeting. My wife was kind enough to help out here and there and soon I was in the car on my way to the meeting.  I got there just in time. One of the girls were quite rude as I greated her. I can never understand why people feel the need to be mean to newbies. I ignored her obvious attempt at establishing her superiority and joined the rest of the group inside. My overdressed outfit made an impression, and I felt comfortable.  We spoke abo
Kourtneyb

Kourtneyb

3

Friends in need

Frienship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together. ~Woodrow T. Wilson As a transgender girl the need for friends in simular situations grows. The need to identify the right people early on should not be underestimated. People are an integral paet of our world and a great resource for support and guidance.  A long standing online friend of mine pointed me in the direction of a girl who run a local support group in my area. This is something that I have felt a growing need for si
Kourtneyb

Kourtneyb

1

Thursday night Drag

Thursday night at the club isn't a drag night and up to date I met alot of Queen in regular cloths. The real party is on Friday night.  The vibe was subdued and the tension got to me in the first song which I butchered badly. Everyone was drunk but I could see that I was getting noware fast so I took a gamble and sang a daring coice. I aced it and all my hard work fell together in the moment and for that small instant everyone could see me. I was flowing high above the stage wile everyone gasped
Kourtneyb

Kourtneyb

5

Introduction

My name is Bianca. I am a transexual female. I am married and have three kids. I have been dressing up since I can remember. At first it was a sexual rush when I dressed up as a girl and sometimes I still get a bit excited when I put on a new sexy undergarment but the sexual aspect has mostly passed now that I accepted myself and embraced my femininity.  I told my wife about my dressing the first day she came into the house, but we still fought about it over the pas eight years sometimes bitterl
Kourtneyb

Kourtneyb

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