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Update


LovelyLisa

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I've been doing better this last week, however had a pretty pivotal conversation with my wife. She hasn't wanted to talk about what I'm doing, doctor's appt, electrolysis, etc. But on Saturday night, she told me that she wanted to talk about it. So I told her what I was doing (even though I had told her what I was doing before) and she basically told me she felt like she was on a rollercoaster ride that she did not sign up for. That going on hormones and seeing me dressed were nails in the coffin of our marriage. In other words, we are done and it is just a matter of time.
I told her that I totally understood, that I do not blame her for her feelings and that I love her. She basically told me that  she was having a difficult time dealing with this psychologically, that she was burying herself in the kids, activities, television, Internet, etc. to avoid thinking about it. The next morning, mother's day, I woke up and just cried. It's amazing. She is a special, special person. Lately, I've been having a lot of sex dreams with her, but she wants nothing to do with me. But, that is okay. This stuff is really, really hard. I've been dealing with it my entire life, and now everyone else gets to deal with it, along side me.

My immediate concern is that I don't make her angry. I'm not going to walk around on eggshells round her, however I am going to respect where she is at and the boundaries. I did tell her that I needed to start hormones soon, because it will take 2 - 3 years for the changes to happen (like I really know). She was supportive of that. That is really all that I can ask. Keep the hair removal and hormones going.

My follow up appointment is this Wednesday at 5pm to find out if I can start estrogen. My blood tests came back normal after starting the Spiro, so I'm hoping that is an affirmative and I walk away with a prescription for estrogen. Hopefully, in two months or so, i can start finasteride to address the hair loss. But he said that he'll most likely cut back on the spiro to do that. Whatever.

I am hopeful for the future, but know that there is a much higher chance that this will not go well, at least initially, and that I will not get the support that I need. But there is nothing that I can do about how people act or feel. But there is much more uncertainty now in my future.

I still have not had that talk with my pastor. In fact, I had to skip the vestry meeting tonight because today was a rough day for me. So I still need to do that. Still need to tell my kids. My wife wants me to hold off. Because she feels that my daughter is having a rough time. But I feel like the time is now before she gets older.

I love all of you and hope that you had a good week. Please send me an email or comment. I love hearing from everyone.

--Lisa

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Thanks for sharing. Thinking about your spouse, I watched a show called "New Girls on the Block" last weekend where a man has been transitioning with what he thought was with his wife's support but she was not happy at all. What she did for closure since she still loves the person inside was interesting, they held a funeral for his former male self where he (of course) was not invited. Not totally sure if it worked or not but after I have heard so many stories of spouses having issues coping with their spouse transitioning that this might be an opinion for some or put a twist on it so the spouse has some form of closure.

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Lisa,

Are there any kind of support groups near you?  (I was surprised that I haven't been able to find any in NYC, so I have no idea how common they are anywhere else.)

The strength and courage that you're showing is inspiring - and also the fact that you clearly do care about how your wife is handling it.  I'm sure it might feel easier at times to just walk away (I do know that from experience, I was married when I came out as gay - as it turns out the "coming out" part was right, just maybe not the gay part).  Hopefully if you give her the space she needs she might come around and at least be supportive (more supportive I guess, since she is being a little supportive already).

xoxo

Christie

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I just need to be mindful of what she is going through and her feelings on this. I need to move forward, but certainly I don't want to make her mad. We work so well together as a couple. We really are a great team. Over the last 15 years, our relationship has been a lot of work and sacrifice. I respect her so much.

Unfortunately, things do change. I know that I have changed over the last 3 years. For the better I think, but she has grown more distant with me. It's not good. I've had several friends go through separation and divorce. At some point, I may get a sledgehammer between the eyes. I hope not. Because we are both better off working together than apart.

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