Hi Christie,

Hey everyones different..............but who hasn't ever made a bad decision in their lives............?

As long as you realise that it's going to be you for the rest of your life, (after taking oestrogen for a period of time at any rate it becomes pretty much irreversable and testosterone blockers seem to be pretty permanent too), and you're happy with that fine. I can't put my hand on my heart and say that I was 100% sure either. I know that for me I'm happier now than when I was fully male, but that doesn't mean that it'll be the same for everyone.

The point is to have given it a lot of thought, you are no doubt aware that breasrs will grow, your skin will soften somewhat and muscles will lessen, your face will become a little more femme, and weight redistributes. But also it is very easy to put on weight when taking estrogen. Both Karen Payne and myself have posted entries about thinking it through, because we don't want to be adverts for transition to people who suddenly find out they don't like what has ensued.

That being said, and me being impulsive (some would say impatient too), I actually started hormones and remained "part time" living in dual genders, I managed to do this by wearing a gynecomastia vest to conceal my boobs, sounds a strange thing to do I know, but it gave time for my face to feminise a bit and also time to practice being female, at that time I referred to myself as being gender nutral or an "inbetweenie". It was me testing the water really bit by bit.

So there's not just one occasion when you might think 100% positive about hormones and go do it, I'd say it's a lot more realistic to be thinking 90 odd percent positive over a longer period of time, whilst at the same time getting expert opinions and advice before doing it. Isn't life a balancing act?, so think of all the pros and cons. And then if you do take hormone treatment, be prepared for it to be a little different to wandering around in drag or cross dressed, I find it many times better...............because it's me. So could it be the same for you, is it the same for you, only you can answer that, but be honest with yourself and don't blame me if you don't like it...................

Sorry if this sounds a bit off-putting, but it's a very large step to take.

Cheers, 

Eve.

P.S. You have a pretty femme face already but try a fringe, I think you'll find it'll make a huge difference, I too was given this advice over a year ago, and it did make a huge difference to me.....

Eve,

It doesn't sound off-putting at all, it sounds appropriately cautionary!  I do at moments feel very excited to move forward, but for the most part I'm able to control that (and fortunately there is some wait built into the process).

What's a fringe?

xoxo

Christie

Hair that drops forward to cover the forehead! See my gallery and me in the restaurant in purple. You've already seen me in my black dress and pearls, see my hair - well my wig anyway!

Eve xoxo

Christie,

My honest opinion is when I first looked at your picture I saw FEMALE staring back at me, no doubt in my mind. Now with that said I have to agree with Eve in that you need to fashion your hair in the front one way or another to complete the look. Perhaps next weekend if time and money allow with a comfort level go to a hair stylist, tell them about yourself and ask "what can you do with my hair to give it a female look?"  My guess is, again as Eve indicated to drop the hair to cover your forehead. Get the right hair stylist and I truly believe afterwards people seeing you in public will not see a male but a female. 

And I will say it again, all I see is female  

On the note about alone time, sounds like it got some results be in positive or negative and remember one time is not enough, find time again and ask yourself these questions again and any new ones. You even might consider writing them down and your responses to the questions so that you can go back to them again and also bring them with you to a therapist appointment for a discussion point or two.

Eve and Karen,

I do need to work  on the hair - my current hair style is more feminine than what I used to have, but I'm not quite as good at getting it right as my stylist is   Ideally it should sweep across and down, diagonally covering much of the forehead.

I'll definitely get more alone time, especially now that summer is approaching!  I typically spend a lot of time by the river when the weather is nice enough.  And i always have a notebook with me, I know that writing out my thoughts helps me move past the initial thought and explore more deeply.

Yesterday I initiated the change in my name at work.  I told both of my supervisors, human resources, and a bunch of other staff members who i work regularly with.  I knew I was going to, but hadn't really anticipated the level of anxiety it would cause during the day!  On top of "upping" my make-up (adding lipstick and eyebrows), it was an interesting day.  Fortunately I got a lot of very positive feedback from co-workers, so the day ended very very well 

xoxo

Christie

I'm very happy for you Christie, hope it doesn't get too "full on" with your name change and doc's, it really did for me in December and January. Others have said they had an easy time of it, hope that'll be the case for you. 

Not sure of how it works in the US, but I pretty immediately had to change my name at HMRC (Income tax) too. If you drive whilst at work you will probably need to change your licence too? and so it goes on..........

Hugs,

Eve

So far I'm just doing this unofficially, I haven't started any legal name change yet - that will be daunting, but worthwhile   I'm going to "live with" this for a while and see how it feels before taking that step (since it involves a legal proceeding)