HRT - tomorrow!
I'm sitting here at work trying to focus on work, but far too distracted by the thought that tomorrow at 2:30 I have my next endocrinologist appointment! Â This is the one where I will (hopefully) get my HRT prescription(s).
In the back of my mind is the fear that I'll get there and they'll say something is wrong and I can't do it. Â My therapist has done an admirable job trying to make me not worry about that. Â She pointed out that they hopefully would have contacted me already if there was a problem. Â That sounds right, but i doesn't completely extinguish the fear. Â She also earlier mentioned that the blood work was more for determining appropriate levels, not as much (or at all?) as a screening mechanism. Â So again, hopefully that's true :-)
As for the "big" question, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that this is the right thing. Â Anything that I had earlier that may have been doubt (but was more likely fear disguising itself as doubt - fear is a tricky little bastard) is gone, gone far away.
One recent thing that confirms it is something I observed in the rest room the other day.  As I was washing my hands I looked in the mirror and realized that I'm actually happy about how I look.  This isn't narcissism, far from it, I don't think I'm "hot," I'm just happy about how I look.  Go back a couple of years and that was absolutely never the case.  A friend of mine once observed that I had no mirrors in my apartment, aside from the bathroom mirror.  It was never a conscious thing, but it was true that I just wouldn't buy them, I didn't want to see myself!
22 1/2 hours to go :-)
xoxo
Christie
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