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HRT - tomorrow!


Chrissy

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I'm sitting here at work trying to focus on work, but far too distracted by the thought that tomorrow at 2:30 I have my next endocrinologist appointment!  This is the one where I will (hopefully) get my HRT prescription(s).

In the back of my mind is the fear that I'll get there and they'll say something is wrong and I can't do it.  My therapist has done an admirable job trying to make me not worry about that.  She pointed out that they hopefully would have contacted me already if there was a problem.  That sounds right, but i doesn't completely extinguish the fear.  She also earlier mentioned that the blood work was more for determining appropriate levels, not as much (or at all?) as a screening mechanism.  So again, hopefully that's true :-)

As for the "big" question, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that this is the right thing.  Anything that I had earlier that may have been doubt (but was more likely fear disguising itself as doubt - fear is a tricky little bastard) is gone, gone far away.

One recent thing that confirms it is something I observed in the rest room the other day.  As I was washing my hands I looked in the mirror and realized that I'm actually happy about how I look.  This isn't narcissism, far from it, I don't think I'm "hot," I'm just happy about how I look.  Go back a couple of years and that was absolutely never the case.  A friend of mine once observed that I had no mirrors in my apartment, aside from the bathroom mirror.  It was never a conscious thing, but it was true that I just wouldn't buy them, I didn't want to see myself!

22 1/2 hours to go :-)

xoxo

Christie

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It's only natural to have anxiety but from what I have read in this entry, sounds like "all systems are a go". Yes, blood test are so they know the level of hormones to dish out too you and several months down the road they will test your blood level again, usually every six months is the deal.  Best wishes for tomorrow.

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Well here we are - "the day."  I had a very hard time sleeping last night.  I tried to go to bed early to go to the gym in the morning, and I felt tired, but as soon as I turned off the light I was wide awake :-)   I decided fairly quickly to abandon the idea of the gym (it was just putting more pressure on me to get to sleep), and I got up, took a unisom, and then laid on the couch with the TV on.  I probably fell asleep a half hour later.

I think that knowing that today was the day suddenly made it all so very real - and I'm still totally excited about it, but as Karen pointed out, anxiety is natural.  You can't know going in just what changes will happen, but things will happen!  Developing breasts, reducing penis and sex drive, smoother skin, losing body hair - and those are just the physical!

Well anyway, I'm at work now, so I just have to try to focus on that until about 2:00 (5 hours!!!!!!!)

xoxo

Christie

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