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Telling almost-strangers


JayM

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Tomorrow, I'm talking to my team. They know I'm transgender but they don't yet know I'm transitioning. We all work in different locations, so we're a virtual team. I haven't seen two of them since February, one of them since some time last year, and my manager since maybe June.

A couple of weeks ago, I hinted, none-too-subtly, to my manager that it might be a good idea if we could all arrange to meet, in the same location (probably London), before the end of this year. I suggested we could make a thing of it, planning our work for 2016, going out for a meal and a drink in the evening, and while we were all there together, I could tell the whole team, face to face, about my plans. Unfortunately, the getting-together in the same location part hasn't worked out. So tomorrow, I'll be in Manchester while the rest of the team will be in London and Edinburgh when I tell them, via telephone, what my plans are.

Plans that are already well under way.

I may or may not have already mentioned that I was assigned a 'specialist' HR case worker by the company I work for. It's his job to help me with stuff like getting my name changed on all the HR and IT systems. It's his job to help with guidance and 'awareness training' for those who need it - my colleagues, I mean, not me - I'm fully 'aware'. He is supposed to be able to help me with the planning of communications, whether it's via emails or face to face meetings or briefings. He's supposed to explain to people the company policy regarding transitioning in the workplace, diversity policies, reiterate what's acceptable and what's not acceptable with regards to how they treat me. He's supposed to be available to explain to people and plan the practicalities of such things as using toilet/washroom facilities. He's supposed to be assisting me, basically.

So far, he's been useless.

I'm not sure if it's only my perception, but I get the impression he's uncomfortable talking to me. Or uncomfortable talking about the subject. I have to keep chasing him for information.

I fired off an email to him before I left the office today, asking him to update me on progress with the changes to HR systems. If I don't have a reply waiting for me when I get back into the office tomorrow, I'm going to request that someone else is assigned to me. It's stressful enough without having to wonder what he's up to and what progress he's making.

My manager has been great. He even said to me yesterday, "I want to make sure you understand I'm there for you; 100% with you in this. I think what you're doing is really brave and I know the whole team will support you. And I completely support you. And I'm not just saying that because I'm your manager and it's supposed to be my job to support you."

So, tomorrow, I tell the team. And then I want to tell a few other people around the office; people I've had some kind of working relationship with over the years; people who will be sharing the toilets/washrooms with me soon, even though they don't yet know it.

And then I'll have to tell the security guards, because if I don't, they'll wonder what's going on when a new ID badge appears with a new name on it and I go to the reception area to collect it. They're a generally nice bunch of guys that I've had a laugh with over they years, but they don't know about me. And they're all incredibly big and masculine, as security guards tend to be, so I'm not sure how they're going to take it. But I shouldn't really care about that, I know. It's not really their concern what I do with my life, as long as I flash my badge and follow the procedures and do the job I'm employed to do.

And that sums it up, really, doesn't it? These are a bunch of people that I have become acquainted with over the many years I've worked for that company. They don't know me, really, and I don't know them. They're not my friends. We don't hang out after work. We don't socialise. I know all of them enough to say hello to them and to ask whether they had a good weekend. And they do the same to me. And as long as I continue to do the job to the best of my ability, the job I get paid to do, then whatever else is going on in my life is not their business.

That's what I keep telling myself. So, why is it that I find myself rehearsing conversations with all of them in my head, night after night, keeping myself awake?

#SleeplessNights

 

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I'm transitioning also. What a lot of people don't understand (at least for me) is that it is not a choice or a decision to transition. It's a matter of becoming who we are supposed to be. To be comfortable that our outside match's our soul and heart inside of all transgender persons.

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Hi JayM.

You are being incredibly brave. By the time you put your head on your pillow tonight you will have accomplished this big task. I am just now getting to bed here in Atlanta, GA, and am sending positive energy your way. 

 

 

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Well I think it's natural that you're rehearsing in your head what your are going to say and how you say it, also completely natural to rehearse what peoples reactions will be. If it's not natural then I'm just as mad as you are, yes I went through the same thing, however I told my close and team colleagues in ones and twos, and when I finally changed my name and started RLE properly an e-mail was sent to all those whom I deal with. It went well mostly (90%+), I didn't get any definite negative reactions, however some people whom I used to work with quite closely have since not contacted me and haven't involved me professionally, well the imagining of responses prepared me for that, and I can live with it.

Thing is that if I get any negativity staff know full well they'll be up for a disciplinary action. I expect that you'll experience similar, but I'd definately sack the incompetent juggler, and request a new one...........Employers have a legal duty to make reasonable adjustments for staff, your present HR idiot is causing stress, and if unchecked, this could lead to a constructive dismissal case, which your employer would almost certainly lose. It's one thing to have finely worded policies and promises etc.,  and then not act on them, actions speak louder than words.

Hugs,

Eve

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Oh, you're all wonderful people with your comments and wise words. The chat with the team went really well. They seem genuinely happy for me and very supportive.

I had a chat with my mentor and she's having a word with HR bosses for me. She helped write the policies and procedures so I trust her to make the situation better. She also helped me with the wording of an email I've started to send to selected people. Next week that email will be going out to many more people. I'm feeling really good today. 

#TGIF 

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