Good Afternoon ladies and gentlemen. Firstly I would like to confess to my hesitation in posting a blog yestermorn, as I still were not certain as to the reactions I would receive as to the information I were providing. I will admit though that now I am less weary of doing so, considering all of the positive responses I've received. Today's blog is a bit of a ramble as well, though mostly on the subject of my adjustments. Upon the first blog I ever posted upon this site --Within Ren's account, before I created one of my own.-- I still were deeply rooted within my confinements and not given too much opportunity to 'front' and discover my own self. Often I would sit by and watch Ren carry on through his daily tasks, idly entertaining myself with mental quests or perhaps attempting my mind with poetry, which I have discovered absolutely no skill in my own soul for. I do believe that a rabbit who's already been boiled would have better luck creating poetry than myself, haha!

But as time has gone through the hands of the clock, I've realized that more and more I seem to be preferred to be at the front rather than Ren. Perhaps he is fully adjusted to having someone else take the wheel or perhaps he is simply too tired and stressed as of late to do it himself; but either way I dont mind. It does give me much more practice with the outside world. Though I do have to mimic his voice and accent when speaking to others, I have become rather good at doing so without detection of my true self. Meanwhile I can try new things and attempt my hand at certain skills to see what I am and am not good at. One of which is painting. As far as I could remember, I'd always been a skilled artist. I loved to mix the oils and test new shades of colour; but I've realized that these hands are near useless for my style of painting. So instead I've resorted to our markers instead of oil colors and to adult color books than a canvas. It's a bit disappointing, but relaxing nonetheless.

Driving, I have found, is certainly something that I enjoy. Though the speed and adrenaline of such makes me relaxed and comfortable, I fear that it also makes Ren a bit uneasy, haha. But I am careful and aware of my surroundings so we do not get into harm's way. Typing, I've found, is also rather enjoyable. Still, practice is needed. Another good antidote would be to blog so here I am!

In regards to the forever plagued annoyance of flashbacks and early morning night terrors, they're as persistant as always. I'm sure the subject of reincarnation is probably another topic that could be introduced within the source, but regardless it seems to be altering my ability to get a restful sleep. Though some are not all too horrid to experience, some will also put me into a fit of cold sweats, hallucinations or even physical illness. It's been rather pesky to say the least. A change in diet does not seem to have been of any help. I have researched a bit into the subject and all that I have read or been told is these images or flashbacks usually only occur in younger children and they fade as they grow older. Perhaps they'll shift and die away in time, regardless if I have figured them out yet or not.

On yet Another topic, I have discovered two of my greatest weaknesses so far. Chocolate with almonds and mandarin oranges!! Hahaha! The taste of one or the other is so incredibly comforting and enjoyable that I fear I'm to make this shell of ours fatter than a winter sow. But I cannot help it, it is so addictive! Though I suppose the mandarins are much  healthier than the chocolate, the problem persists that we are limited on Mandarins and seem to have mountains of chocolate left over from Christmas! Ren is not pleased about his weight gain this season, but I've assured him that once summer hits and we can walk campus at our job again, we will shed it quickly. Especially now that I have gotten him to take his thyroid medication on a fairly regular schedule now. Blasted boy is horrid with taking medications on time, if at all! Kai seems to follow the same pattern for Goddess Sake! It can be very frustrating, haha!

The family cat seems to have gotten used to me lately, as I woke up with him on my chest. Normally when Ren is fronting, "Gabriel" is very pleasant and social and loves to cuddle with him. But he seems to know when we switch fronts, and will immediatly get up and completely ignore me. Even other housemates noticed when he would suddenly decide to ignore me or not want to be held, which secrets revealed would tell that it were truly myself and not Ren. But he seems to be getting used to it.

At the present time, I'll be working on more Mandala's and attempting to coax the other hidden alts to come forward enough to make themselves known, but it may take a very long while. I have been here since Ren were sixteen so I've been used to this sort of adjustment. The others, possibly only one but also it may be two, dont even seem to be of conscious thought. A bit like newborn calves, wandering aimlessly and bumping into things. I'll need to be patient. Perhaps a therapist would be of help to us but at the current time we do not have that option, as insurance is not active as of yet. We shall see.

That's enough for now I suppose. My hands get worn out from typing rather quickly, though I'm sure practice will remedy it.

May you remain safe tonight,

Alex