Good Evening everyone. I hope you're all doing well today or tonight, whichever the case may be. I were originally going to simply write in my journal tonight but my wrist seems a bit sore from the weather. Ren calls it Barametric Pressure? Either way, I am a bit sore in my wrists and knees. We had a slight development recently and learned a very valuable lesson. If you are unable to sleep and for some reason cannot think straight because of a seemingly dozen voices shouting in your head--taking double muscle relaxants to try and help is not always the best remedy.

He thought it would help but usually only takes one, not two. And normally we'd have something in our stomachs before doing so. But alas, that was not the case, and our attempt at showering to calm the nerves nearly resulted in a collapse. Thankfully, we managed to get back to bed without any incident. But the fact that I couldnt hear him, nor him I, through a baracade of voices is rather concerning. Be them imagination from stress or alts we're not aware of, either way it was unpleasant to be sure.

As a side subject, I'm rather pleased to know that our normal work schedule shall return this week. It'll be nice to get out more often and not have to sit around the house in idle procrastination. Though Ren not fronting very often sometimes worries me, I dont mind being out as often as I have been. It's just slightly saddening that he would rather sleep all day than take control. 

I'm becoming more and more aware of what it's like to live life as a Transgender person. I'll admit, I have much more sympathy for ciswomen with their 'monthly' issues and dont fully understand why Transwomen would want to deal with it, but I understand the need to feel whole--including the good and the bad. I do not feel all myself with the body we're in. Sleeping is astonishingly annoying with our chest being as it is. Though Ren does not feel any annoyance with his lower half, I do rather often. More of, I miss certain things that we lack. I would greatly love to start Hormone treatment though I know it is a subject me and my brother differ on. He does not want to, but I do. Oh how complicated the world must be...I try not to argue with him about it, but my baby face features are often annoying and demeaning. I dont like having the appearance of a child, nor do I like having the hips of a woman or petite hands. The lack of muscle in my arms is astonishingly humiliating, though I agree with him on the fact that exercise simply hurts. My back is far too sore in far too many places for me to exercise properly. Simply breathing deeply results in a devastating pop between my shoulders, seemingly from my spine, which can sometimes nearly drop me to my knee in shock and pain. I do not understand how the state can easily dismiss the pain of an individual simply because of a differing opinion on what gender they are. What resides in my jeans is no different from anyone else. If I feel that I am a man, that is at my own discretion and choice. If I must prove that I am a man based off what is down my pants, then I therefore demand that every businessman or woman who disagrees with my Masculine gender should do the same and show me proof of their own genders. 

It's simply ridiculous to deny a PERSON in PAIN the satisfaction of living life with happiness simply because you do not agree with them. The narrow mindedness of people I see on a daily basis is sickening. I met a woman once who was polite and thoughtful of those around her. I saw a cheerful woman who worked hard and took care of her friends well, and never judged those around her based on anything aside from how they treated eachother. That is what I saw. What others saw was a transgender person who possibly did not seem to pass very well. And that seems to be all that they cared about. Not about the person, but about her disposition. Believe me when I say that in my own days with my own society, they were not very forgiving either. Pagans were easily dismissed as devil worshiping demons, and anyone like myself who preferred both men and women as bed company could be murdered without a second thought. Though even today, this could easily be the case. But I fear that if that bastard Trump is elected, it'll fall into far worse situations. I pray that this country and this generation puts down their devices and lifts their eyes to see the world as it is crumbling and actually do something to help it, instead of pointing fingers and blaming names. 

It is so frustrating to see younger people in this world simply take and take and take without any recognition to those that they are taking from. To expect and demand and say that certain things are their right, when generations before never would have even been given the offer of such things. The freedom to speak is theirs, yes. But it does not mean to speak cruelty and for it to be alright. It means to be able to say that something is wrong without backlash from the victimizers. It means to stand up and defend someone being harmed without being, in turned, called the assailant. It means to acknowledge verbally that something simply is not right, draw attention to it, and correct the situation. Not to spit your false accusations and slay self confidence with your tongues of horrid judgement! This freedom did not always exist either. Previous generations had to FIGHT for that right! Not sit by and cry oppression and demand that someone pick them up and nurse them like children. If you want to be treated as an adult, then stand up on your own two feet and work for it. For instance, Kings of Old would sometimes offer assistance to the poor and deprived in exchange for loyalty and security. That in the event of the King being in peril, they were expected to do what they could to ensure his safety in exchange for rare foods, celebrations, newer homes and other various items. Now, people get assistance from their President but then riot and destroy and point fingers to their 'King' and blame him for their poor situations! Personally if you're to turn your back on those who are feeding you with benefits or 'food stamps' and other various, you should no longer receive them! This generation frankly frightens me. Not a fear that they will harm me, or a fear that they will fade into their own deprived state of mind. But a fear of taking this age of technology and advance and making a Uturn back into the stone age with their own foolish pride. And now I feel I've ranted far too much already...I only hope that one day they'll see their own errors and fix their own pathways before demanding new roads. You cant get to the highway unless you pave your own driveway.--A