Let me preface this entry by saying my wife passed away a couple years ago. It was her love and perseverance that glued our 25 year marriage together. This is one of the questions she asked that helped me be the person I am today. She would want me to "pay forward" this experience to any who can use it.

Many years ago, my wife indirectly asked me this question. "Are you man enough to be a woman?" This is how it happened.

We were living in an area directly above NYC. I was still a novice in most girl situations but learning fast. You might say I became the proverbial teen age girl. I started to test some deep waters.

My wife knew of all my activities before our relationship, but in all fairness to her (and me) we didn't see the train coming down the tracks. In the space of a couple months I went from a "dress at home girl" to "go out and party girl".

It all started when I was almost refused entrance to a TG event on Long Island. The woman at the door told me I was in the wrong place and they didn't let "real" single girls in.

Shortly after that I attended a Halloween party in a bar with about 4 tall beautiful women dressed about as sleezy as I was. I knew I was going with one but not 4! They gave me the "bitch" look when I hit the door and it was on!

God I was in heaven as the 5 of us hit the door in heels and mini's. They made sure I mingled and danced with guys and everything.

Over the next month of so, a couple other minor happenings occurred and I was mentally shot. All I thought about was the next time I could "dress and go".

Needless to say, this was not the award winning marriage experience my wife was looking for. Finally she said "look you are making us both miserable" Make up your mind. Man up and be a woman or not. It's your choice, it's not fair to either of us.

Then she said "by the way, you make a terrible female." I was stunned! Obviously she wasn't there when I was almost turned away for being a "real girl" or when I fit right in with the GG's at the Halloween party! What the hell did she know?

But you know, it wasn't about looks. She simply pointed out I had NO feminine thought patterns. As we all know being female is more than looking the part. My wife labeled me a "bitch" and didn't like me.

Not immediately, but over the years my thick noggin began to realize the truth in what she said. Somewhere in my personality I managed to do my part in keeping the relationship together. I found out the hard way the time we had together was the best gift of my life.

Since she departed I have done my best to be a woman she would accept! I found I could be a friend who cares and gives.

She still would not approve of my clothes and makeup choices but that is who I am on the outside. I have always been.

I believe she would approve of my inside being. Be it female or male, I try to be more compassionate and fun to be around! The people around me tell me I'm a good person which transcends gender.

Maybe I was "man enough to be a girl". Certainly it's tough enough to face the male life challenges. I played with the Alpha's rather well.

It's tougher still to move to the other side and I have no desire to play with the alpha girls! If you think I have a pretty face I'm complimented. When I move unnoticed through a young crowd in a sports bar I'm exhilarated! But deep down all that matters is inside.

Maybe she would approve!