Here is one of the stories I sent to a friend and she thought I should share so...Here" ya" go! Direct from alternate life style redneck bars , two stellar tales...of me being me.

The first establishment basically was a female biker bar, not hardcore outlaw women, but a serious crew none the less. The best way I can describe the place was I got the juke box turned off one night when I played Shania Twane "Lord I feel like a Woman." No sense of humor...kind of like the urinal that was made into a planter.

The best pick up line I heard was "you don't look half bad. Maybe I should take you with me and we can see what kind of time we could have."

YAHOO. Me thinks that could have hurt!

Back in those days my wife was still alive and I had to be home around midnight. She got off about that time and I had to be presentable with all signs of makeup gone. Believe me, no amount of jabbering would have saved my place in the house when I told her I was abducted by an alien lesbian.

A kinder and gentler lesbian bar also operated on the same side of town. I made friends there that I'm in touch with today. (5 years later)

One night karaoke was the entertainment. Here she comes...burr haircut, cowboy hat and weighing in at a conservative 250.

I'm in long blond hair, tight jeans and boots. It occurred to me quickly... it may be about time I started sharpening up my non existent singing skills.

She did ask me to sing, she TOLD me to pick out a song. I thought "is this the way they treat girls in Texas?"

I opted for the only song my male self destroyed after many beers...the romantic ballad

"You don't have to call me Darling, Darling.

David Allan Coe if you're familiar.(I think he wrote it in jail?)

After we made sweet music (ha) she said "your voice is as low as mine!"

I felt as if I was in a "Lola" song remake, just all twisted up. In this version, I was the guy and she was Lola. Well, I kind of was the guy and she was kind of the girl but backward... when and if she put me on her knee. I thought maybe I could outrun her if I took my boots off!

We parted friends (thank god!) and I don't truly know if she guessed my gender. I had never seen her before or after!

Unfortunately all the pure lesbian bars are closed now in the area. How

sad. I miss drinking free. But more importantly, I won't get to try out

one of my top fantasies...female strippers in a lesbian bar! Dammit!

Mo MO MO! as Billy Idol would say coming up!