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Too Far From Home?


Cyrsti

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This post is actually a rewrite from a summer time piece. It reflects how life is an ever changing process.

The first time I heard "Bob Seger's Hollywood Nights", I knew exactly how he felt. The lyrics: "He knew right then he was too far from home. He was too far from home." burnt a hole right through me.

In your life I'm sure you've been on some very slippery slopes. Relationships, family or job issues made you feel you were sliding towards a very steep cliff.

I was there, on that cliff (with Seger) looking down on the lights of a big city. I'm a Midwestern boy too, but I went to New York City, not L.A.

Did you fall off your cliff and lose a spouse, a family or a job? I fell off my cliff too and lost my gender.

I know many of you have always known you were just that-a girl or a boy. Many of us however, did not have that luxury. I went through the first 30 years or so of my life fighting and then giving in to my female urges. During that time in my life, I was afraid to lose touch with my male side. My female side was scary but wonderfully euphoric and exciting. NYC, of course proved to be the perfect cliff for her to jump off of. Making the whole decision terrifying was a beloved spouse and an "Alpha" male side who had his fun moments too.

.

Within two months however, I experienced two defining moments that would set my life on a female path forever.

The first was a trans "mixer" of sorts I attended on Long Island . The real lady at the door wouldn't let me in until I proved I was a guy. "No single real women allowed!"

The second was a Halloween party I attended with a couple friends at work. It just so happened that one of them had two other tall female friends that were dressed as exotic as me! What an evening!

I knew then, I could never go home-even if I did move back to the Midwest. I didn't want too!

A couple years later I did move back to the Midwest but the cliff moved with me. Yes, I'm still falling -as I'm sure many of you are too!

Good luck with your cliff! I finally found there is a girl at the bottom waiting for me. You know, she resembles me a lot!

I hope you have someone waiting for you too!

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Dear Cyrsti,

You're not alone. Realizing my true feelings took me 29 years to and another three to gather the courage to start my transformation. But I'm still forced into secrecy. I don't know how many years will have to pass until I can step out of the shadows.

I'm standing proudly on my cliff but the winds are blowing more and more crazy.

Hugs,

Sophie

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Nice post Cyrsti.

However, I didnt understand why u symbolized your transitition as falling from a cliff ?

Yes, It must be really hard and troublesome process but I think it is not falling, it is jumping the other side of the cliff :)

I am sure that the girl resembling you is at the other side of the cliff :)

It is your post you may write as you wish but I didn want you to fall :)

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You're not falling, you're soaring. You've found wings and are using them in the way they were intended. Eventually, you'll land next to that girl at the foot of the cliff and she will take off and soar with you.

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