I have decided to transfer my blog to this site TG Guide so you may find it a tad confusing at first but I am sure you will read from here onwards as this is the first entry.

I am writing this to help with my thoughts hopes and feelings and to share my new life.

I have been Sophie since the age of 10 when I first dressed in some borrowed female clothes and it felt so right then, so I went through my teen years secretly dressing whenever I could, I had a number of years where I could not be Sophie in particular my career in the army, and during my first marriage, I am honest and decided to tell my then wife all about Sophie, but events turned nasty when she tried to murder me one evening and was subseqently arrested and sent to a mental institution, Apparently and I did not know this at the time she tried to murder her first husband.

My second marriage was very different, my wife adored Sophie and I thought I would be in for a lovely vanilla lifestyle, We went shopping together, went out to an LGBT club in london each month, we were together 9 years and I knew when I met her she was bisexual and I never had a problem with that, but events took a turn for the worst after we went to our usual monhtly club in london one night and on the way home we were stopped by 3 guys, one of these guys held my then wife down while the other two assuming I was a real girl, well lets just say they got a shock and I was badly beaten and raped, and after spending 3 weeks in hospital I was safely repaired by a marvellous caring surgeon whom I will forever be in his debt for what he did for me repairing the damage, which is why I no longer meet guys, I am now strictly lesbian if you can understand that.

Anyway, after that incident our marriage sort of disintergrated and we divorced in 2002, Sophie was hidden away for a while and had to have counselling after that terrible episode and I cried for weeks about what happened.

In January 2007 my mum was diagnosed terminally ill and had to be flown home and taken by ambulance to an essex hospital with 48hrs to live, you can imagine how distraught I was but she was a strong woman my mum and she carried on living as she was a fighter, so after a miraculous recovery she was sent home but had to have a live in nurse. Now this is where life for me suddenly changed, the nurse who came to look after my mum was in fact a TS who had had her SRS 20 years ago and was a fully fledged woman, her name was Sandra and she was beautiful, after many months looking after my mum and getting to know me I opened up to this nurse and told her about Sophie.

Sandra encouraged me to bring sophie out again, and so it was that sandra took me under her wing and we had a couple of dinner dates together but my confidence was still very low, I felt scared everytime we went out after I got beaten and raped.

I had my makeover with kay another friend and I started to feel good about myself, but alas, my mum passed away on christmas day 2007 and sandra was sent to another patient in abroad.

However all those years dressing secretly well I thought was secret but my mums last words to me were to take Sophie forward in life and be the daughter she never had, I cried for days when she said that my emotions were shot to hell, my mum new all along about me femme side and I never even knew she knew.

Having gone away to grieve after my mum died I returned and a new lease of life came over me and I decided that I would like to try and find and meet a lovely lady who will accept me for who I am, I know I may never be a real girl in the genetic sense but when I have my gender reassignment surgery then I will be female legally. I feel very femme when Sophie and with the help of my hormones will at least resemble a female and to have that certain female partner who would accept me as Sophie will be the completion of my life.

One of my mums sisters (there are 8 altogether) who has been my rock since my mum died has been so good to me, I decided to tell her about Sophie she is the only member of my family to know thus far, I first sent her some photos of me to test the water and just told her I had a makeover some years ago, but I phoned her one evening and just told her outright who I was going to be and to my complete surprise she said you better get over and have a chat, so I met her for lunch 3 months ago, and in a nutshell she said her and her partner will support me all the way, LOL she even took me shopping and bought me 2 skirts and shoes.

She said it must have been torture for me for 37 odd years keeping Sophie secret and she also said I should have gone to her earlier in my life, I was so emotional after she said that.

So where am I at now well at 54 years old after taking the decison to go on hormones a year ago I am now developing as expected and my GP is happy with my results thus far.

The next part of my blog will follow shortly.