So another month down of hormones and the changes haven't been physical but definately mental. Maybe its a lot of stuff going on with me lately or the stress of whats to come, but I've been a mix of sad, angry, annoyed, depressed, flighty, and rediculously hyper. It could just be the fact that my living situation (or lack there of) is really starting to bother me, or the fact that every other week it seems like I have my brother sending me an email basically saying how I'm an aweful person and that its "unnatural" to do this to my body and how im going to tear our family apart. Its just so frustrating because I try to talk to him to get him to understand and respond to what he says but he either never reads my email or just disregards them. I try to call and nothing, I text him and nothing. I always knew transitioning would be tough and I heard all the stories from others talking about how their families didnt accept them, but the basic hatred for me from my own brother, the same one that once told me once that he'd always be there for me no matter what, i guess this doesn't count under the "no matter what".

I've been back seeing my therapist again (how i can come up with the money Im still totally unsure of but im managing). Im happy to be going again and its a total relief. My therapist generally cares for me and is always looking out for me, as well as her intern. They really help me start to feel better and start to direct my life in a positive direction.

Other than working way too damn much and finding time to sleep and have the little bit of social life that I have left, I've been a bum. I basically have just been watching old episodes of shows I've watched 100s of times before. I don't know if its cuz im just being lazy or if im looking for some sort of happy feeling that I once had when I saw the episodes before.

Im anxious, scared, excited, optomistic, and all sorts of other emotions for the future. In a short few months my transition is going to hit the next level. Im really hoping to improve some of the relationships with my family and friends.

On a happier note, Im hoping to go to SCC in atlanta come september. If I can get enough money together (which shouldnt be that big of a deal cuz its a good 8 months away) but I was curious if anyone else was planning on going to it. I've never gone to any of these conferences before but I thought it would be fun and have a chance to meet many others like us in person. If you are going, please send me a message.

Anyways thats all for now. Sorry for this being a depressing entry, I just kinda needed to get it off my chest. My mom started calling me "eeyore" trying to cheer me up since i've been so glum lately. Im sure its just a mix of a lot of different things right now and ill be better soon

<3

Tiff