First I want to say, please don't pity me thanks.

When I was borned my mother dress me as a girl; she always wanted a little girl. So for the first nine years of my life thats all I knew;dresses, Barbies,and being mommy's little girl.

Then things changed in a hurry for me with out a explanation ( I mean in a matter of days.) My mother burned all my girl stuff all of it. Then replaced them with boys clohtes I did not understand why?

I guess it was because, I started public school?

Please understand I do not hate her for this. Now that I am older I am just trying to figure this out and I can't ask her why for is dead. In fact all my family is dead so I can not get answers to this and other questions. As I was growing up I had to learn english and stop dressing up as a girl this was very difficult for me.I love to dressup; but, I had to be mommy's little man now.

This when on till I hit age 12 then I became very violent and thought this is how to get respect from people? (act out instead of talk out.)

My behaviour got me thrown out on the streets.So think about it 12-13 years of age,alone, scared and no where to go? This is when I learned about friends (so called) one of my friends raped me.

Sorry this is getting hard to write.

This why I would like to be accepted and not tolerated.

Let me give a scenario of why I thought violence was the right path to take. I only remember bits and pieces of my past. However this one stands out; one of my little girl friends gave a white dress it was very pretty and I wore it to school one day. Remember this time period was late 1960's.

I was beat bloody and my dress was distroyed by my class mates. This is just an example not a excuse of poor behaviour.

I'll continue a little later this is bring up many bad memories, but if can help someone that is struggling then my life will not be a waste.