Who me bipolar?
Yes,
thats what phychiatrist told me today she said, "you might be bipolar;" does mean I'm crazy???
I don't know what to think anymore. So I went to google and looked up "bipolar" so I know what I'm dealing with.
No body tells this woman she's nuts ( only I can do that.)
Now, I kind of understand why I have high and lows ; o good god, the lows are the worst;
I tryed so many times to kill myself; but as you can tell I didnot succeed.
I also, see why I've been a little to exrteme at times, or a lot to exrteme! I have to try to keep my self in check. This is easier said, than done and I well know this.
Maybe this also, explains why I've had a hard time keeping friends throught my life?? They could/would not put up with the quick mood changes. I see I have a tough road to travle;thats ok I'm not afraid I'm a big girl.This will not beat me but, it could possibly define me.
I know this all depends upon me and only me,for I have nobody who cares about me anymore.
I'll face my challenges and look them square in the eye; I WILL SURVIVE!
No matter what comes my way. Now the good part of this blog ......If I can and will do this someone else can to just don't give up, or in to the bad toughts. I'm no different than anybody else.
I know that we all are unique in many ways; as well as,being the same too.
If I were to tell you all that transspied and all that I lost over the past year; you all would say stop fighting just give up! many of my X friends did in fact they were waiting for me to kill myself.
( I know this because they told me so)
However, that is another story for another time, and blog. This ties in this way I spent hours and hours racking my brain why did this bad thing happen ? Who did I hurt? what did I steal?
I sank to the lowest level I had ever experienced I never thought a person could lose everything they worked for all their life long.
you can not imagine what it feels like, and I hope you never do.
this is where I was going with this; salvation I found it!!
the bipolar keeps a person in the down mode when you crash and I crashed hard.
this is the salvation I have found, HOPE ..........yes hope that things will get better, and they are.
I stopped lying to myself and others. Than what re discovered music, yes music and I ran to it and hid in it for a while. Thats the one thing I found that great people have HOPE. So whoever you are if you read this and understand it please keep hope alive in you struggle It will get better I promise.
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