Easing into things

I finally have a moment to blog! I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend.

Anyways, I was unable to obtain the elusive Super-O. I worked on it for like two hours. I hope this isn't TMI for some of you but I bring it up because to me, it will be a huge step forward.

I reached out to a Transgendered support group and I was able to actually use my female voice today. It was exhilarating but a little tough at first. Anyways, I don't think this woman who runs the support group wants to deal with me. She has only returned one of my emails and when I called her she told me to call back in 45 minutes, but when I did, she didn't answer. I left a voice mail but she doesn't email or anything. I really just want to know what a professional might have to say about why my self-discovery happened the way that it did and as quick as it did. I just want to understand it but by no means am I trying to find an excuse to ignore it or get some therapy for it. I feel like I should have had therapy a long time ago to help me figure all of this out much sooner.

If people find me and my blog annoying, please just tell me so and I will go elsewhere. This is all very, very new to me and if I am talking about things I shouldn't, or if I am just not interesting, please let me know. I take the time to blog both for myself and the reader. I want the reader to be interested and I want others to know my story because they might find themselves in the same situation. I never saw this coming and blogging is one of my outlets and it helps me keep a journal of my transformation because it has been awesome and I never want to forget certain moments. I am still surprised at my self-discovery, but I am very proud of it! Anyways, if people aren't interested in listening to my pathetic drivel, then please let me know and I will go away.

I got an email from Facebook today, asking where someone had been because they hadn't signed in for a week. Well, that account now belongs to someone else. I have my very own account so I don't know what they are talking about. I thought it was funny because it really showed how that person just disappeared from my life.

So I went to dinner last night and I took the time to check out some of the women. The first things I notice when I look at women are (in rough order):

1. Her shoes

2. Her hair

3. Her clothes

4. Her makeup

5. Her shape

I didn't consider any of these women good looking so I didn't feel all envious, instead what really disappointed me was that they had potential and weren't using it. Here I am thinking, "I would kill to have what you have, because I could make that work a lot easier than going through what I will have to go through...and here you are wasting it." I am sorry if I seem a little judgmental, but when I see a girl who if she just did a little more with her hair, her makeup, the way she dresses, etc., she would be the stunner that she could be, and that I want to be. Anyways, you always take for granted that which you have grown accustomed to having...but I just feel like a girl should take every opportunity to show it all off...I know I will. However, more than just appearances, I feel that many of these women lack the class of a woman and don't come across as sensual beings. That's the worst part! I could go on and on about this, but not today.

I have started to settle down some. I realize that this isn't going to happen overnight but I am still impatient. I just do what I can with what I have. I am content with my inner being even though things don't match up on the outside the way I want them to. I was losing so much sleep because I was constantly working on myself. I think my body finally told me to slow down.

That's all for now!

xxx,

Amber