to start with

Hello to anyone reading this. I've been out for a few years and am dressing out now without feeling odd. i'm a M2F transgender non op so far. i've been doing herbals for a few years including red clover for progesterone and black cohosh for estrogen. Next week i go to my first transgender clinic and will try to get on estradiol.

I've learned that sexual orientation occurs before the age of 6. That was true of me and when i brought it up to my mom i was told to hide it. so i did. she presented my desires for cross dressing as silly and dangerous; and she probably saved my life i suppose. but suppressing my nature brought out other weird things in my psyche and i am still dealing with them. but for the most part i am sane, healthy and intelligent. many hilarious things happened to me while i was in denial about myself i won't go into here, except to say i tended to androgenous dress and married a lesbian eventually. go figure. my mom eventually got religion and estranged herself from me a year before her death. but on her deathbed we sort of negated that problem through the graces of my sister. i hope. anyway i'm an orphan now and i am assuming both parents are seeing things as they really are.

i eventually had a family of my own and tried to be super straight. i shunned the gay world and was totally against transgenders. but when my kids left the nest and my wife did the same, i evolved. one of my kids still talks to me and even loves me, which is nice, even though he knows i am m2f.

luckily my job is such i can work from home and never see my employer. also i actually retired last year and so things are sweet. but i still work cause i love it so. i am almost through building a trimaran sailboat in my backyard and plan to sail the great american waterway next year. also i am interested in planting coral. although i live in iowa i am an ocean person and have surfed on both oceans.

My first encounter with cross dressers was with tri-ess out of chicago. i think there were transgenders in the group, but i couldn't tell. anyway it was fun dressing. and i was so nervous! that was years ago and i haven't seen the group for a long time. I did meet to really nice girls from Illinois recently that seemed in tune with me. there is a chapter of transgender folk in Iowa City but they are mostly college age and a bit high strung for me. and i have friends flung far and wide, and i hope to visit a few of them in my sailboat; i hate driving and flying.

I have learned a lot from huff post and other venues and seeing children able to express themselves touches my heart. i wish i could me transgender children as it would give me some closure on my past. but its ok if i don't. at least i know that we aren't being treated so badlly as i was.

in the last half decade of my transition i have forsaken religion. not spirituality. i went through a heavy christian phase when i was denying myself and then opened up to neo paganism. there is a lot in my past and ancestry that resonates with paganism, but really animism is probably closer to where i am at, or at least spiritualism. whatever that is. i also meditate an have for over 40 years. i was a hippie once and have been married three times.

and that is my life mostly. except; i am fit, healthy and living vibrantly. becoming transgender has helped me immensely. yes i became transgender. there is a time when i wasn't. i have been though bulimia and recently conquered it with online therapy. my weight is proportional. i have a nice head of hair, which i attribute to low testosterone levels all my life. my face has some wrinkles but it, and i look much better than i did before i came out. pretending and not knowing it seems to be very taxing.