Today I did the unthinkable. I did something I desperatly have been avoiding for sooooo long.

I put on a bra.

My "binders" smelled like old deodorant, were gross with sweat from work, and I had no time to hand wash and dry them by the time I needed to go to work. So I had to resort to digging through my clothes and finding that dreaded contraption. Instantly I hated it. The straps felt like they were digging into my shoulders, the very hug of it felt forgien and misguided. The whole way to work, I wished I could turn that car around and go home and put my smelly gear back on.

I avoided stopping at the store for this reason, so no calming Arizona Tea. Which meant stress.

For some reason, when I'm at work and after my boyfriend leaves his shift..having a tea helps my nerves. It's not helping the diet, but I feel that if it is my only 'out' to the b.s. of work, so be it.

But today I didnt have one.

I kept knocking things over with my dreaded "tumors", getting my chef's coat all filthy (which was a HUGE 'no no' in the kitchen I learned at. My old Head Chef Woodward's very french tainted speech about clean jackets and spotless sleeves pestered me all night). It was extremely frustrating.

On any normal nights, when wearing my gear, I feel fine. Yes, I have to go into the bathroom now and again and retuck it back down my work pants because it rides up, or readjust "them" because one is off set from the other and it looks funny; but I like it! I feel comfortable, finally!

Not today.

I just wanted to cross my arms over my chest, stick out my tongue and tell everyone to **** off.

Thankfully my nightly meds were increased a bit so my anxiety didnt kick my royally unforgiving butt, but nevertheless it was irritating.

When I dont have my gear on, it simply feels like theyre the center of attention. Even if no one is looking at them! It feels like they are.

The only things I kept in mind to keep me busy all day were two things. 1)Justin (my bf) bought me a tea and it was waiting for me at home and 2) I had a set of custom fangs from Scarecrow Vampfangs waiting to be customized all for me. Life. Complete.

I noticed something though. When I'm not wearing what I want, I'm severely uncomfortable. When I'm uncomfortable, I eat. When I eat from being uncomfortable, I eat BAD things. I normally avoid desserts at work, at all costs. Diet, darn it! Diet!.......I had a mint brownie with a scoop of vanila ice cream. Granted it was a small scoop and the brownie was the smallest one on the tray, but Still!! I should have said no! I shouldnt have fallen that far!

I'm still kicking myself in the butt for it, and that was way back at lunch time. It's 11:15pm right now.

We bought candy bars for at home but...I feel too guilty to eat one. I'm barely making it through the fruit juices I bought because theyre super sugary.

I was so guilt ridden that I actually vollunteered to work an extra day this week.

Yikes, what was I thinking?! Too late to back out now, they need me to come in.

Well, tomorrow I'm off to Gamestop to get a new (newish. refurbished, 4th Gen) ipod because I've dropped my old one so many times that the glass is all falling off, and I keep cutting myself on it.

Sort of excited about that, as long as I'm actually able to pick one up. Maybe then I can start that photography a little, eh? Eh? lol

I'll maybe post a few if I start doing it. God knows with all the fall leaves in my area, I could leave for work a few minutes earlier so I can stop and take a few snapshots. That'd be nice. Plenty of nice views around here.

Well, I think that's it for now. I think. If I think of anything else, it'll be in the next blog XD

Tootles for now,

-Warren