Week of 2015-01-19

This week has been really tough focusing at work really busy with no outlet for me. I feel trapped and terrible. I've been drinking too much and not dealing with things well. Something has to change.

Anyways. That has been my week in a nutshell. 100% doing things I don't want to do, yet I feel like I have no choice.

I am planning on having a talk with my wife. But I have a feeling that it will not go particularly well. Usually she asks how I am doing and we talk about it. But not in the past week. So, I may need to approach her and talk about what I am thinking. The thing that stinks is we have tons of events this week and weekend that we have to go to. I am thinking that it would be better to talk about it next week. But maybe not. I don't know.

I started to do more research on transition and the costs. The endo appointment - not bad, hormones, electrolysis ... not bad budget wise. However FFS is a different story. I am thinking that I need something, even if it is only a facelift and a brow shave. The other thing too is that I need to get my weight down to where it was about a year and a half ago around 160 lbs or maybe even 150. But being depressed has not helped. It's weird. Usually I am super motivated to look good in a dress and I do it. Not so over the last year or so. That will need to change as I transition. I am still in good shape and exercise regularly. I just need to address the eating.

Anyways, I think that I will get there. Another girl told me that there are times that I will just need to "bulldoze my way ahead". I think that is where I am at. Need to get the bulldozer ready to roll!

--Lisa