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Yes, thats what phychiatrist told me today she said, "you might be bipolar;" does mean I'm crazy??? I don't know what to think anymore. So I went to google and looked up "bipolar" so I know what I'm dealing with. No body tells this woman she's nuts ( only I can do that.) Now, I kind of understand why I have high and lows ; o good god, the lows are the worst; I tryed so many times to kill myself; but as you can tell I didnot succeed. I also, see why I've been a little to exrteme at times, or a lot to exrteme! I have to try to keep my self in check. This is easier said, than done and I well know this. Maybe this also, explains why I've had a hard time keeping friends throught my life?? They could/would not put up with the quick mood changes. I see I have a tough road to travle;thats ok I'm not afraid I'm a big girl.This will not beat me but, it could possibly define me. I know this all depends upon me and only me,for I have nobody who cares about me anymore. I'll face my challenges and look them square in the eye; I WILL SURVIVE! No matter what comes my way. Now the good part of this blog ......If I can and will do this someone else can to just don't give up, or in to the bad toughts. I'm no different than anybody else. I know that we all are unique in many ways; as well as,being the same too. If I were to tell you all that transspied and all that I lost over the past year; you all would say stop fighting just give up! many of my X friends did in fact they were waiting for me to kill myself. ( I know this because they told me so) However, that is another story for another time, and blog. This ties in this way I spent hours and hours racking my brain why did this bad thing happen ? Who did I hurt? what did I steal? I sank to the lowest level I had ever experienced I never thought a person could lose everything they worked for all their life long. you can not imagine what it feels like, and I hope you never do. this is where I was going with this; salvation I found it!! the bipolar keeps a person in the down mode when you crash and I crashed hard. this is the salvation I have found, HOPE ..........yes hope that things will get better, and they are. I stopped lying to myself and others. Than what re discovered music, yes music and I ran to it and hid in it for a while. Thats the one thing I found that great people have HOPE. So whoever you are if you read this and understand it please keep hope alive in you struggle It will get better I promise.