Leaderboard

Today I had another doctors appointment, which is my regular monthly thing. I assume she were happy with what was going on, since she said she doesnt need to see me for another two months I've officially gone from 225-230 pounds, all the way down to 214 She wants to see me down at 210 or lower by the end of Janurary. GAME ON! So I kicked off my challange....with a bowl of ice cream. Darn it, I'm so bad at this >.< We talked for a while about the gender thing, and she got me seriously thinking about the name change process, so I did some looking into it tonight. Did you know it costs over 110.00$ to do a legal name change, and you have to have a court date?! Plus they legally HAVE to post it in the paper ( yay.) and the judge can just up and decide NOT to grant it, but you still have to pay. What the flippernuts?! But....I guess it would be worth it, afterall. But I dont want to even try and change my name until I at least have top surgery. There's no point having a male name when you have breasts. Seriously. Today I had an interesting development. A girl kept watching me from a table as I was working, and kept acting like she wanted to ask me something. But she kept hesitating, and changing her mind. When she finally came over to talk to me, I were surprised by her question. "No offense but...are you a guy or a girl?" How do you answer a question like that? When you're still legally and technically one gender, but desperate to identify as the opposite, yet dont want too many people to know about it yet.....what the heck do you say to that? I was kind of nervous about it and stuttered out a quick "Technically girl...why?" To which she responded "Bummer. You would have been a cute guy. I'm not into girls though." and walked away. Uh, what? Wait, what! In one aspect, I found it somewhat flattering and rather amusing, and it made me laugh a bit. I thought it was hilarious, and loved it. But then I told my boyfriend. You know that look on someones face when you say you have bad news and that curling of the nose as they listen to something they need to do? That was his response. Kind of like "Ugh....this again....Dont like it." It was rather disheartening to be excited that someone had to actually ask if I was a girl or not, and have that hope that I look like a guy a bit for them to ask me to clarify; only for him not to share my enthusiasm and kind of shrug it off. Feels like I'm the only person who showed up to a birthday party, and its my own birthday. Kind of sucked. I guess I'll just to deal with it... Otherwise it was a pretty good night, I suppose. Hey, at least its friday Tomorrow I got to change the oil in my car, check the battery power, get a light checked, return my broken ipod, and work for a friend of mine around her house. I think I work 7 days a week and no one told me. Warren

Did you know that the MTF to FTM percentage is 2.5 versus one? In the 1990s-2002, the estimated count for transgendered MTF was 14,000-20,000, versus the 1,000-8,000 FTM. Of course the numbers HAVE changed since that time, but the ratios stayed about the same. MTF transgenders greatly outnumber the amount of FTM individuals. I'm not sure why, and I'm not sure if we'll ever really know. But the point is, finding any form of anything for a transgender is usually limited down to MTF. I've done some research in attempts to figure out estimates on surgery costs, and sadly I keep hitting dead ends at times, being told they "only treat Male to Female cases" and that they dont know much about "female to male cases". I find that rather frustrating. Why are there so few resources for Transguys? All the medical clinics in my local area within driving reasons only offer surgical advice or support to Male to female. Not that I dont support the MTF, because I totally do! You gals need just as much help as us guys, and I'm totally cool with that. But I hate being so limited. It doesnt seem very fair :/ In the journey to even finding a therapist to chat with about being transgendered, I'd had to tell them that I'm "FTM" because theyve tried to put me with a MTF-only help aid. Though I'm sure that the therapy and whatnot is basically the same, it seems that the percentage of people who help in those sorts of things are generally MTF-only rated. Theres not many who specify on BOTH genders and not just transchicks. Any of you guys out there who are like me and find yourself constantly being turned away because you're a transguy not a transgirl or simply crossdressing, or being assumed you're simply Lesbian for the way you dress or act (which is totally stupid btw), you'll know what I mean when I say "WHAT THE F---!?" Someone once told me (not sure how true it is) that there are more MTF because of a genetic percentage while in the womb. That biological-male children can/do recieve high loads of female hormone from the mother/host, and that plays a large part of the whole transgender process. But biological-female children can only get testosterone/male-hormone from some other source, which makes it more rare to occur. Which makes sense, when you think about it. When a woman has a child, sometimes the hormones from the previous birth or sibling can stay in the womb or whatnot, and linger for the next child. That's why a lot of siblings have very simular features sometimes. It's not just the same mother, its some of the same hormones. I have an older sister ahead of me, but my mom was also very prone to miscarriages. Between me and every one of my four siblings, there were at least two to three miscarriages. Between me and my older sister, there were three. One female, and two male. Maybe I got high levels of extra hormone from the two male children that were never born? I'm not sure how true this whole theory is. Some medical student told me about it, and it seemed to make sense to me at the time. POINT IS: As discouraging as it is to be part of a failing percentage of transgendered, the world hasnt ended. Yes, most of the transgender help that you seek out will be generally populated towards the Transwomen, but it doesnt mean that there are none at all. Though I'm having difficulty finding someone to chill out with who's a transguy, and to get some advice from, it doesnt mean I'll never find it. (I've called several transgender communities in my area/state, and have been told that they normally have only transwomen there or that their medical resources are mainly targeted for the transwomen and they dont have a doctor to help out the transmen. Grr.) Perhaps my therapist that I get to meet finally will be able to help me out. I know they're sending me there not only for the transgender help, but also for my anxiety and depression issues. But hopefully they also took the transgender part of it into account too and didnt shove me with a doctor who knows nothing about us. That would certainly be frustrating, since a lot of my anxiety and depression centers around my gender identity! Hang in there guys, there's always something! "There's always something" Violet from Lemony Snickets Series of Unfortunate Events Warren