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I know I said Goodbye in my last entry, but I still get alerts, and when I read this entry I felt so compelled to comment because it so very closely describes my journey to Transwoman. Leaving behind the outrageous leather minis and over the knee high heeled boots, and moved on to dressing as a woman does, so that I "fit in". I don't think about my appearance 24 hours a day anymore, just enjoying life as me. Well said Karen.

Karen, I agree about relaxing at home. From the start I've pretty much done that, although I still consider it "dressing as a woman" (there's nothing I wear now that isn't female). But it does tend to be comfortable shorts and a t-shirt or tank top at home (I also have virtually no visitors, so being ready for an unexpected guest isn't really an issue). Up until now I definitely have tried to dress more feminine, in large part because it expresses who I am, and because I hadn't been doing that for SO long. It's also a way of counteracting the still-present male gender cues that I suffer from (yes, "suffer"). I'm guessing that once hormones start kicking in, and once electrolysis gets far enough along (and certainly after breast augmentation), my wardrobe choices might change (though they might not). In general I just try to dress the way I want :-) I think one important distinction might be in your phrase about blending in with women in your area. Having grown up in suburban New Jersey, and lived in North Carolina for 5 years, and now in the NYC area (between NYC and Jersey City) one thing I noticed is that in NYC fashions are all over the map, so "blending in" isn't really possible. By contrast there was a little more in common in how women dressed in NJ and NC. Although I'm absolutely not critical of anyone who makes this choice, the thought of "blending in" or "fitting in" makes me a cringe a little. Again, just personally it's not something I'd want to do. Perhaps it's because I'm still fairly early in transition and it makes me think of years of trying to fit in in the wrong gender :-) I try to use "being authentic" as my motivation in all areas, including wardrobe. xoxo Christie

Hi Eve, I think there are many that have done what the both of us did and as we get older see that we need to change to a more conservative approach to dressing. I am sure you loved how you dressed at that time, same here, it was fun but now we have evolved Hope all is well in your world.

Well here we are - "the day." I had a very hard time sleeping last night. I tried to go to bed early to go to the gym in the morning, and I felt tired, but as soon as I turned off the light I was wide awake :-) I decided fairly quickly to abandon the idea of the gym (it was just putting more pressure on me to get to sleep), and I got up, took a unisom, and then laid on the couch with the TV on. I probably fell asleep a half hour later. I think that knowing that today was the day suddenly made it all so very real - and I'm still totally excited about it, but as Karen pointed out, anxiety is natural. You can't know going in just what changes will happen, but things will happen! Developing breasts, reducing penis and sex drive, smoother skin, losing body hair - and those are just the physical! Well anyway, I'm at work now, so I just have to try to focus on that until about 2:00 (5 hours!!!!!!!) xoxo Christie